2021-05-30 Double or Nothing

 

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening....whenever it is you have found this entry.  I am reviewing tonight's AEW Double or Nothing?  Will Omega keep the title?  Will Sting get hurt?  Who will show up as a surprise?  Will it be a Stadium Stampede or Football Fuckery?  I think we should go find out!

• How does Justin Roberts still have a job?  Did he get caught during #metoo?
• What was that?  How did Cage not hit that move?
• 4 minutes in and Excaliber screamed his first move name
• So the buckle bomb nearly ended Sting's career and you have it in the first match into a ring post.  Yeah modern wrestling
• The refs head is distracting me, it is shaped weird...I also pulled Great Brian Last before starting this show so yeah
• Team Taz may have a second broken neck after that crucifix
• Page makes a really goofy face every once in a while.  
• Wait...is Page going for a moonsault?  I have only seen him do that.....in every match
• Dailys place is a pretty cool location for wrestling with the intimacy but three levels
• It is the first match and we are getting a superplex over the top to the ramp?  Will they need to cut off someone's head to win the Stadium Stampede?  
• Page can kick out of a top rope F-5?  There is no way to defeat Page then unless you shoot him in the head like a zombie I guess
• Seriously if Page is taking this in match one we will see death in the Stampede 
• I love Taz as an announcer.  I think he is the best in the business
• Is there anything cool about the Young Bucks?  Because I do not see it.  They are heels because they are obnoxious
• Seriously?  They are bringing up their tennis shoes?  Dear lord I remember when The Midnight and the RNR feuded over Loverboys Oakleys *eye roll*
• Should Mox have to wear glasses to wrestle?  Bonus points to anyone who got that reference!
• I will say having the fans back in the building is so damn cool and the wide shots are awesome!
• Rumor has it the Bank Addicted Drug Robber Nick Gauge could show up.  Do you think AEW would do that?
• The Bucks seem like the 40-year-olds that hang out at the Frat House still and try to be cool.  
• Is Don Callis wearing some kind of face mask?
• I guess that is not Don Callis at ringside since he is suddenly announcing
• Has the match begun?  Is this a street fight?  I am so confused 
• Oh that is Brandon Cutler of course the Bucks need to have a bunch of gaga
• The bell finally rings?  WTF
• Are the Bucks wearing Sparky Plug Zubas?
• Damn Tony calling out the hair dye on Nicky Boys hair
• Nick's hair reminds me of Shawn Michaels right before he shaved it
• Shut the hell up Excaliber with your random Japanese names
• "All those matches in the backyard" -Tony
• Why is Nick acting like Randy Savage?
• The Young Bucks are a joke
• Did Nick get hair plugs?
• Why did Kingston rotate to throw Nick to Matt?
• Do the Bucks still have gum in their mouth?
• The Bucks sell like Michaels against Hogan
• Did this match really need double heat spots and interference?
• Why does AEW make so many references to WWE?
• Is this match STILL going?
• Nothing will stop most of these wrestlers.  MAYBE a hand grenade up the ass
• I think I had a birthday during that match, dear lord
• Wow, they are having JR call Kenny Omega the best in the world.  Good grief
• Very complicated rules to this, wonder if someone talked to Russo about it
• Dustin is so good and at this point must be 65
• The ramp is an elimination?  That eliminates so many spots!
• Who cares what suit people are.  They do not announce who is what suite ahead of time
• Are the Hot Boy Summer guys in this?  
• Wow that got Luther a payday for Y2J
• Is Serpentico wearing a Blizkreig mask?
• Comoroto looks like Hercules
• Is this the first time Colt has wrestled this year?
• Where is Christian?
• Penta is dressed up like the Joker?  That is cool!
• Matt Hardy can barely move in the ring
• Well that is a great way to have Jungle Boy come into the match
• Thanks for coming Varsity Blondes
• Big Shotty?
• Bad camera work in this match as we have often missed eliminations and things like Christan cage and Powerhouse leaving the ring
• It is time for the Joker....and it is....Lio Rush?
• So Lio Rush in the big surprise?  Yay?
• AEW has an entire roster that will make Rush look like a big man
• The fuck was that?  The Silly String?
• Is Matt doing a crab dance?
• Love the fat guys who cannot wave in rhythm with the rest of the audience
• It is nice to see Jungle Boys kid Marko Stunt got to stay up late to see his dad win
• Marko Stunt looks like a 10-year-old at the Superbowl with his dad.  
• Doing anything to make sure Cody gets cheered I see
• Over/Under on 30 people coming out with Cody.....way under
• Why is Cody dressed like the bad guy on the Boys, Homelander?  
• Oh my god why not just have a light that says applaud like at Disney back in the day for WCW
• Seriously Homelander is the bad guy and Cody is dressed like him
• OLYMPIC SLAM!
• I used to look forward to Cody matches, now I want them to end or just get to their bells and whistles
• Is that fake blood?  Looks fake, the wrong color
• At least the Vertibreaker was the finish.  I expected Ogogo to kick out of that and several other finishes honestly
• I wish Archer would have pulled a Danial Bryan on that POS Justin Roberts.  Choke his kid loving ass out
• If you run yourself into the corner like when you are whipped into them it looks stupid.  Damn Wyatt and Bryan for doing this 
• Archer should not be doing that as a transition move, it is damn amazing and should be pulled out for special moments for a false finish
• How is that not a DQ?  Do the refs not understand the rules?
• This is how Miro should have been booked to start off with.  The Bulgarian Brute. The Monster.
• There is not a snake in that bag, it is a bottles of piss!
• IT IS THE POUUUUUUUUNCE!
• Miro is a star waiting to be born but does AEW understand that with their EVP's in charge?
• I hate when the same people chant both sides of the chant, it is stupid, which sums up most wrestling fans
• Sweet baby Jesus could they shill their own shit anymore on this PPV?
• That was a Frankenstiner Excalibler, not a tieris or whatever the fuck you said.  Get over yourself!
• This match is REALLY sloppy when Shida is in charge
• This match should NOT have followed the Miro match.  They do not really match the intensity and they want to
• More sloppy work
• HOW IS THAT NOT A DQ?
• So Britt is now a babyface right?  
• Did the ref just watch her throw the belt out of the ring?  
• Why have the refs in the ring?
• So a curb stomp on a belt is not the finish?  She can then roll up Britt.  So stupid
• Kenny Omega is playing door basketball?  Jesus he is a loser
• What is this?  I do not care about Darby skateboarding
• Is that the desert that the nWo buried Flair in?
• Oh god is Darby getting picked up?  Oh it is Sting randomly knowing where Darby is
• Seriously what the fuck was that?  
• Also why was there not a midget involved?
• Sting is still hurt from a powerbomb in the ring but a suplex on a stage is a good idea!
• Ummmmm, Eric Bischoff was right....Sting needs to tan!
• Aubrey watched Page sweep Darby's leg and THEN turned toward Sting and yells at him to stay in the corner?  The refs are worthless in AEW
• Also why would Darby go to those ropes right next to Page?  
• Ah yes the Mean Streets of Seattle, second only to the streets of Greenwich!
• Right into his brothers!  
• That was not Bam Bam and Spike Dudley was it?
• Sting is going to drag Darby into the ringside area?  He should be saying to stop the match!
• He sold that for minute or two, that is more than usual in AEW
• Darby has a CHOKEHOLD ref!  The arm is below the chin
• I hate wrestling fans sometimes and their stupid chants
• Why would Aubrey even ask Page to submit?
• I ask again why even have a ref?
• Wait....Orange Cassidy talks?
• Good grief Chuck Taylor has a backpack?
• Seriously?  Does JR mean what he just said about Omega?
• An explosive first step Excaliber?  IT IS A HOP!
• He isn't a hockey goalie, he is a paedophile JR (speaking of Justin Roberts)
• Is that ref a Eunuch?  His voice is about three octives too high
• Three minutes in and we have a double knock down but have 45 finisher kickouts in the future
• How does a double headscissors work since he could not lock his feet around the neck?
• Jesus did he just wrap his thumb in his fist?  Yeah never been in a real fight
• With this being a triple threat is there no DQ?  Because that eunuch ref did not count 
• I wonder how much JR is getting paid?  And is it worth it?
• Oh my god Callis!  JR called Rock, Austin, Michaels, Taker, Flair, Sting, Steamboat, Funk, Midnight Express, Horseman, RNR Express, Bret Hart, Owen Hart, Foley, Orton, Cena, Kane, Triple H, Batista, Lesner, Angle, Trish, Lita and Edge matches.  ANY OF THEM are above ANY Omega match.  Sorry Donny
• I get that Callis is a heel and shill for Omega but fuck he sound stupid
• Omega is SO stupid looking with his stupid facials.  No wonder he hangs out with the Bucks
• So Pockets cannot tie his own drunks to be able to put his hands in his pockets
• More finger jesturing from Omega
• All of this and they have Cassidy do the stupid play kicks?  This is why you cannot take AEW serious
• This is not awesome it is a series of moves with no psychology or real selling
• So every move these guys do has some special name from Excaliber?
• Why did Orange just run like Tina on Bobs Burger?
• Seriously you went into a Full Gear promo and did not get Cassidy is moment after losing?  Who is directing this?
• Wait?  Did they pay Mark to walk out and wave and then talk on Dynamite?
• This is not really Sting coming from the rafters or Shawn Michaels on the zip line is it?
• Good grief how slow and unimpressive was that?
• The fans applauding their own singing of the stupid song!  
• If they were going to ambush the IC I do not think they would rev their engine
• Was the truck missing in one of those shots?
• Jericho should have sung into the megaphone that would really hurt the ears!
• Why was there a megaphone there?
• I guess that coffee was not very hot 
• Is that Urban Myers?
• This reminds me of some WCW shows where Tony and Hudson or Heenan would just laugh at how stupid things were
• Did Wardlow just try to kill Hager?
• Are we suppose to believe that this is linear or that this Wardlow/Hager stuff is happening at the same time as Jericho/MJF?
• Why are there refs if no one goes for the pin?
• Wait...why did he get his own lighting suddenly?
• Did Sammy tell us why he wore the panda head or why he stopped?
• That was not Rey Misterio and Kevin Nash was it?
• Right you pick a chair instead of bolt cutters that you could take off someones fingers.  STUPID!
• It is nice that FTR and LAX paired off.  What if FTR had paired of with Sammy and Ortiz that would not make sense!
• Do let Sammy take you up that scissor lift Shawn!  Ask Matt Hardy
• Oh good some handcuffs, have not seen those in a while
• Oh now the bolt cutters come into play
• These fake fans are going to get in the way?  The ones in the front row when Archer got thrown in the crowd
• OH SHIT IT IS KONNAN?
• More fake shit with the shots and what not
• Konnan looks so bad and crippled up and that is sad
• FTR are the best tag team in the business and this is how they are treated?  Maybe they should have put on the goofy hats in WWE
• Elevator buttons pushed!  
• Those beer bottles exploded way to easily did they not?
• Why didn't Wardlow pin Hager?
• Thank you for explaining it Tony because most people would not know that....well the small audience and smart fans do
• As someone who had something stapled to his hand once it does not hurt nearly that bad
• Piledriver on a solid wood table 
• Why is there a claw hammer in a board room?  I set those up all the time and never once put a hammer in one
• And why is his bat there?  Never mind of course it is there
• Didn't he just hit MJF in the head with a bat?  I have seen that happen to people and they do just stumble away
• Good night Marty....er MJF
• Shouldn't MJF be bleeding from multiple places?  Not one spot on his forehead
• Who in the blue hell are these guys?  And why did they just drive past him?  None of this makes sense!
• I am surprised Jericho didn't take that bump to make up for the cage bump
• You do not think that everyone is going to suddenly fight their way into the arena
• Golf Kart revenge!
• Did both halves of FTR & LAX get into the elevators?
• Because we do not see chair headshots that should have been a hospital angle but a false finish

The first match just had too many false finishes and big move kickouts for the first match.  Honestly Adam Page looked like Super Cena as they used to say.  It was silly and sad because the match was really a good match if you took that away.  Then you have the match about tennis shoes!  This match went WAY to long and the Bucks have go home heat with me.  If I NEVER saw them again that would not be a bad thing.  The Cody match basically buried Ogogo.  You cannot go anywhere with that feud or Ogogo now since he lost clean in his third match.  I would have had an angle where The Factory destroyed Cody, have him gone for six or eight months and have Dustin take the match even though he was already busted open earlier.  Have him fight and lose.  Then have Ogogo DESTROY people for the next six or eight months and getting ready to challenge for a title when Cody returns, screws Ogogo and then beats him.  Instead Ogogo is dead.  Miro could be the next big star if they do not screw it up...which means they probably will.  Britt and Shida were put in a bad spot, they should have followed the Battle Royal where there was less action.  It was sloppy but basically what wrestling has become most of the time.  The problem is it is like they wanted to be a heavyweight fight like the TNT title match but they just do not fit it.  I give up on these matches.  Nothing ends a match, you can get hit with 45 finishes and kick out.  Belt shots.  But 15 seconds in a mandible claw and it is tap tap tap.  Whatever!  The tag team match was what it was, basically a showcase for Sting and Darby to get over.  In case you can not tell I do not like Omega.  I think he is the most overrated wrestler in the business today!  He does nothing special and most of his moves are actually kind of stupid looking.  He makes stuipd faces and points a lot.  Shakes his head a lot like a baby face but is a heel.  He is a fucking joke that is high on the smell of his own shit.  That was so bad and fake looking and all set up.  That made me want to go find last years Money in the Bank match!  I am finishing this up while the fans sing Judas and I am annoyed.  This is wrestling now?  Fuck it is no wonder why I am enjoying 1994, a year most people say is the worst in modern years.  We get more and more Judas but we could not see the reaction of Orange Cassidy getting screwed by Omega?  Fuck Tony Khan and anyone who tells him this shit is good.  Good to great athletes being forced to do horrible shit.  In a word....I didn't like!

Results

• Adam Page def. Brian Cage (FTW Champion)
• Package:  Nick Jackson/Matt Jackson (AEW Tag Team Champions) & Jon Moxley/Eddie Kingston
• Nick Jackson/Matt Jackson (AEW Tag Team Champions) def. Jon Moxley/Eddie Kingston for the Titles
• Jungle Boy def. Christian Cage/Matt Sydal/Powerhouse Hobbs/Dustin Rhodes/Max Caster/Isiah Kassidy/Matt Hardy/10 Preston Vance/Nick Comoroto/Serpentico/Brian Pillman Jr./Griff Garrison/Colt Cabana/Anthony Bowens/Penta El Zero M/Jungle Boy/Marq Quen/Aaron Solow/Evil Uno/Lee Johnson/Lio Rush in a Casino Royal Battle Royal
• Video:  Memorial Day
• Cody def. Anthony Ogogo
• Mira (TNT Champion) def. Lance Archer for the Title via Stoppage
• Britt Baker def. Hikaru Shida (AEW Women's Champion) for the Title via Submission
• Sting/Darby Allin def. Scorpio Sky/Ethan Page
• History:  Kenny Omega (AEW World Champion) & PAC & Orange Cassidy
• Kenny Omega (AEW World Champion) def.  PAC & Orange Cassidy
• Interview:  Mark Henry
• History:  Pinnicle & Inner Circle
• Chris Jericho/Ortiz/Santana/Jake Hager/Sammy Guevara def. MJF/Dax Harwood/Cash Wheeler/Wardlow/Shawn Spears in a Stadium Stampede match