Movie Review: Bottom 100 #19: Gigli

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you have found this entry.  Today, 8/15/18, I am checking out the Bottom 100 flick Gigli.  It stars Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lopez, and Justin Bartha.  "Larry Gigli is assigned by a crime boss to kidnap the brother of a prominent district attorney. A beautiful woman known only as Ricki is sent to stay with him to make sure he doesn't mess up the job."

• Always good to start with a voice over!
• Oh no voice over, talking to a guy in a dryer...of course
• That accent is awful!
• Why do mobsters always talk like this?  You know in a certain way that is obvious but not if you get what I am saying
• Wow...so basically this kid is a very poor mans Rain Man
• Now I know why they decided that this guy was not in Hangover very much, they were afraid he would be like this
• Good grief but the dialogue in this flick makes my head hurt!
• OH MY GOD, THIS IS TWO HOURS LONG!  WHY DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN WHY!
• The writer and director retired after this.  Probably should have done that before doing this flick!
• According to IMDB the word "fuck" is used one hundred twenty-four times.
• Sweet baby Jesus...this script is awful
• Supposedly the director based Brian on real mental patients.  
• Wait...how did they remove the mental patient with no one noticing?  As someone who has been in a mental ward, you do NOT just walk in and out
• I did NOT pay to see this but I am demanding my money back and the salary of Ben and Jennifer, which was 25.5 million or in that neighbourhood
• Really?  REALLY!  This scene got left in somehow?
• Halle Berry was correct in dropping out of this shit!
• Good grief he basically just did the Tommy Boy gun show point!
• Why do they always make mobsters dress the same...or do they actually dress like that?  If so why not just round up all the bad dressers!
• Why did he let Walken in?  And how can he make this scene tolerable when it should have been dreadful!
• How did this script become an actual film?
• I am only an hour into this flick?  I should be drinking
• Random suicide scene to show their humanity of course
• Why take Brian...oh of course for comedic purposes!
• A butter knife?  Can you cut off a thumb with a butter knife?
• Yep... of course, he starts singing Big Butts while he is doing this
• I do like Afflecks hair in this flick though, I would look good with that cut
• Wait...fingerprints and spit
• Dykeasaurs Rex?  Nice!
• Turkey Time?
• Most guys need a handicap for life lets be honest!
• Time for the awkward love scene when Brian walks in right?
• Bet Larry is regretting not taking the blondes offer of a threesome now!  Haha
• Why?  Dear lord why is he in this flick?
• Was that Dory eating that guys brain?  Is that how she become stupid?
• So Lewis...or Louis....or Luis...or however they spell it did all this on his own is that what he is implying
• Wow they really just had her talk to the mob boss like that huh
• Hey there is Baywatch!
• Okay Brian talking to the girl in pink made me smile

Dear lord that was bad.  I mean that was painful to watch.  The script might be one of the worst scripts I have ever seen made.  I am talking Birdemic and Room level bad.  The guy who wrote Scent of a Women wrote this huh?  I have not seen Scent of a Woman but makes me wonder about that flick.  I know the blind car driving scene gets mocked a lot so maybe there is a reason for that.

As for the story itself, it was there.  It was flat in my opinion.  For some reason the mobster with a heart of gold just does not usually fit.  There was no reason for him to be that way...oh right Ricky and Brian changed him in just a couple of days.

The acting was horrible between Ben and Jennifer.  I mean those two were so damn flat and there was no chemistry there in my opinion.  

The character of Brian, Justin Bartha, actually grew on me near the end.  The character itself seemed more toned down the further into the flick and that was needed.  Early on it was so over the top it was like a parody of Rain Main.  

Also there were just random scenes like Walken and Pacino randomly there for one scene that really did not mean much of anything.

Overall I think the current rating of 2.4 is correct.  I give it 2/10.  It was extremely poorly performed by the main actors, poorly directed, poorly written and poorly editted.  It took the top 5 Razzies the year it came out for a reason boys and girls.  

I can NOT give you any reaosn to watch this flick.  If you have 121 minutes to waste got watch 6 episodes of Bobs Burgers!

Bottom 100: #83: Exorcist II: The Heretic

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you have found this entry.  Today, 8/4/18, I am watching another bottom 100 flick.  As of today #83 is Exorcist II: The Heretic.  It stars  Richard Burton, Linda Blair and Louise Fletcher.  "A teenage girl once possessed by a demon finds that it still lurks within her. Meanwhile, a priest investigates the death of the girl's exorcist.

• Uggg, I do not like exorcism flicks, not one bit, they actually creep me out.  If this was not a bottom 100 I do not know if I would be watching it
• ITS THE CANDLES!  SHE HATES THE CANDLES!
• Is that suppose to be Jesus?  Because that do not look like the normal Jesus or Buddy Jesus
• Oh shit that was suppose to be a person
• Wow Linda Blair is not wearing much or a bra I do not think
• What the fuck?  Why could Debbie NOT hear her?  Is she deaf?
• Linda Blair is kind of creepy looking huh?
• Wow the dialog is AWFUL!
• Nice cross eye effect!
• Going deeper is probably a bad idea....Satan is probably still learking!
• SWEET JESUS SHE JUST SAID MY NAME!
• Wait...the ladies name is Gene...and spelled like mine?  That is weird
• Wait...she got lost in...in the light?  I'm so confused and this is SO bad.  This deserves to be bottom 100
• Nice use of overlays of the first flick
• Dear lord this is one of the worst things I have watched
• That is drawing well?  Sweet baby Jesus I would hate to see what she thinks is bad drawing!
• No wonder Richard Burton was drunk during the filming, I feel like I need to be while watching it
• What the fuck is the father doing with the crutch?
• Seriously this script is AWFUL!
• Now I know why my friend is afraid of moths after that scene!
• What the hell is going on?  Why is that black guy naked fighting locus with a slingshot
• Is this suppose to be biblical?
• Dear lord Linda Blair needed bras in this flick, I am pretty sure I saw nipple!
• Why are there people sized openings in the railings?
• She has a really damn nice apartment!
• How old is Regan in this flick?
• People were creep looking in 1977!
• No Father Meron(sp?) was not afraid, he avoid this movie!  ZINGO!
• Wow, that is a really nice priest to say I am not here for you!
• This weird synchronism machine is weird and stupid!
• I have not seen the first flick but that is probably the same demon right?
• This might be one of the worst things I have ever seen and that is saying something!
• God I have lost complete interest in this flick
• Nothing like a good old fashion stoning
• Nice to see Ned Beatty not getting raped in a swamp!
• How old am I?  I have had at least two birthdays during this flick!
• Is he asking for help from the demon?
• Ah there is Darth Vader!
• If seeing you means seeing this flick NO one wants to see you Linda!
• Why was the driver so upset about the address?
• Wait...do bus drivers just not drive until yelled at in DC?
• Did he just say his car went crazy?
• How did that start a fire?
• What sound stage?
• This might be the worst movie I have ever seen...ever

I do not know how this has a 3.7 currently!  I give this a 1 because that is the lowest I can give it.  It has over 18k votes and I can NOT believe any of those are over 1.  I call bullshit, there can not be that many people who worked on this flick to give it more than a 1.  One of the worst things I have ever seen.  Do not EVER watch this, not even for all the tea in China and all the gold if Fort Knox, it is not worth it!

Movie Review: John Wick: Chapter 2

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you have found this entry.  Today, 8/4/18, I am watching John Wick Chapter 2.  It stars  Keanu Reeves, Riccardo Scamarcio and Ian McShane.  "After returning to the criminal underworld to repay a debt, John Wick discovers that a large bounty has been put on his life."  I enjoyed Chapter 1 so lets see if they break the formula or they stick to what worked!

• A motorcycle is a good escape vehicle
• Unless that happens!
• The Russians....again?
• Nice to see them basically give us the first movie in five minutes because people will have forgot
• That is a really nice car
• Just let the guy have the car boys, it will be easier on everyone!
• Well it was a really nice car
• That is why you always wear a seatbelt
• I will ask again, why bother fighting Wick.  Give him what he wants and hope he goes away, you can NOT fight the Boogeyman
• Jesus just ring the damn bell once!
• You have to repay your markers John, the bill always come due to paraphrase the Governor
• Thank goodness the dog survived!
• Its true, you have to play by the rules
• Nice, a "bug" out type box
• I liked that "gearing up" montage
• Is she really going to try and seduce him?
• What the hell is going on?
• What did he just put on as a belt?  A harness?  Or was it ammo clips?
• Shit is the a rocket launcher?
• Wick gets hit by a lot of cars!
• This is a really good role for Comman
• There are no business on the grounds!
• Come on Common, it is only business brother!
• The mute and/or deaf chick is interesting
• Wait...another hit on Wick?  That does not really work or turn out well
• Interesting that they all have the same phone
• Good grief New York has a lot of killers in it!
• I do not understand, do these other assassins not know who John Wick is?  You cannot fight the Boogeyman
• This 3rd act has a Warriors feel to it
• The clean up crew is a nice touch
• Which pill will he take this time?
• Very much Warriors
• Why are guards always looking up?  Do bad guys fly?
• He threw the gun!  AWESOME!
• I do like that these flicks seem to pay attention to guns and ammo and such, it probably is not perfect but it is cool
• That will probably come back to cost you John
• What the fuck just happens?  Why did everyone freeze?

Once agian this flick is good but just a little too long.  I would shave 10-15 minutes off once gain.  As much as I enjoyed the montage of him gearing up it could have been shortened.  Same with the scene with Common and the sister...actually quite a few scenes could have shaved by a minute or two and had a tighter flick

Overall I give it a 7/10.  It is is at 7.5 on IMDB so pretty much I am right on with most people.  I really think this might be some of Reeves best work because it does not require a range of emotions which is where he struggles.

Once again the flick puts an excellent cast out and they all hit their marks perfectly and it set up the third installment of the series which I am excited for!

Movie Review: Extinction

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you have found this entry.  Today, 7/29/18, I am checking out the Netflix flick Extinction.  "A father has a recurring dream of losing his family. His nightmare turns into reality when the planet is invaded by a force bent on destruction. Fighting for their lives, he comes to realize an unknown strength to keep them safe from harm."  It stars Lizzy Caplan, Michael Peña and Mike Colter.  Let see if it is another good pick up for Netflix or a miss.  It does have a 5.9 out 10 with 5,237 votes

• Oh Michael Pena, you have become such a good actor since The Shield!
• Wait weird person in the elevator was his daughter?  I am confused
• Oh shit is that Luke Cage?  There is no way a force bent on destruction is doomed!
• Lizzy is look very odd, I haven't really seen her in anything since Cloverfield though.
• Did he fall asleep in the store room?
• This flick has weird pacing/scenes are hard to follow
• She is a supportive wife
• That is why I never talked to people in the waiting room or did groups
• Who has not had the dream of an alien invasion at some point
• Her tunnel project should come in handy!
• What kind of weird kids play in elevators?
• Alright the pacing is picking up and no more weird unknown dream/real life scenes
• How does Pena do so many projects?
• Seriously who has not had alien invasion dreams...that is normal right?
• I was just going to ask why the aliens did not just shoot through the door...oh shit did they just shoot Lucy?
• They should NOT have fixed Herman!
• Bloody hand flash back?
• Is that a ship or a mech?  I think a ship
• Pena has a point, staying or going through the building is death...of course the window washer thingy might be death too.....
• Are they robots?  
• Biometric triggers, we need that shit!
• No you cannot make it a few blocks at this rate
• Its like a video game, avoid the lights!
• Good thing he is an electrical engineer!
• They make the Predator noise
• His dreams have not been real helpful
• They are humans?
• What the fuck...wait...are they the aliens?
• Wait...so we have been following the aliens/robots the entire time?
• So this has been a fucking AI rises up flick the entire time?  A damn Skynet flick?
• It was not dreams it was flash backs to the uprising
• Well this took a moralistic turn
• The sad thing is this is exactly how humanity would respond

Well this ended up taking a turn that I was not expecting and honestly it ruined it for me.  Bringing up this horrible moralistic question into what was suppose to be an end of the world flick ruined it for me completely.  I watch flicks like this for escapism not to be reminded that we, as humanity, are horrible and will probably end up bringing our own doom due to our own hatred and fear.

Now onto the flick itself, it is very VERY good.  I think the rating is way down.  9/10 if you ask me!  The acting and the action and everything is fantastic.  I cannot really complain about anything other then it took that turn that I mentioned above.  

You have to realize that when I watch movies/TV I watch for escapism not to be feel/think most of the time.  Occasionally I watch those films but I realize I am watching one of those.  This time it was a trick.  They tricked me and that makes me angry.  

The morale of the flick to find common ground is one that we all need to find but I did not watch a sci-fi flick for that.  I want to be angry at the flick but I am not as it was too well done for me to be mad!

If you have Netflix check this out!

Movie Review: Blockers

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you have found this review.  Today, 7/7/18, I am checking out the 2018 flick Blockers.  It stars  Leslie Mann, John Cena and Ike Barinholtz.  "Three parents try to stop their daughters from losing their virginity on prom night."  This flick looked very fun when it was out in the theaters so checking it out now.

• Yeah Sam's dad is a damn douche
• Seriously the thing with the underwear is a horrible nightmare that I have
• I am still friends with my friends from High School
• Leslie Mann is so weird
• If I had kids when they were young I would have basically been Cena
• 10 dicks then one mound?  Are mounds that bad?
• Are teenagers really like this?  
• Told you he was a douche!
• Who plays darts?
• Nothing wrong with stealing crackers!
• Oh yeah I would not trust that Conner kid?
• Uggg, snooping parents drive me crazy, I would not be one of those
• Wait...there is already booze in the limo?
• Yeah...I would be John Cena if I had a teenage daughter.  Even with the fanny pack
• Prom was nothing like this when I went!
• Seriously who smirks that much!
• You can not un-see that!
• GOOD GRIEF!  That eye contact would mess me up even as an adult!
• Cena is right, those kind of shirts do look stupid untucked
• Seriously is butt chugging a thing?  Because...wrong
• That cape makes her magical!
• Vomit is gross
• Trying to give the limo a pit maneuver isn't right
• Cats will do that!
• Cena is going to see some things here I am afraid....things he does NOT want to see...mostly more man ass....oh that was NOT just man ass
• What the fuck kind of music is this?
• That was a hell of a combat roll!
• I did not want to see John Cena ASS!!

That was strangely entertaining...a horrible soundtrack but entertaining.  It has a 6.4/10 on IMDB and I think I agree with that, 6/10.  It was good but not the laugh out loud comedy I was expecting.  A little too much "heartfelt feelings" for me.  That is what is wrong with these kind of comedies now, has to have those "feels" and what not.  Personally I just wanted it to be a raunchy comedy!

However it is worth seeing because everyone does a decent to good job.  John Cena actually did a really good job in it.  He will most likely never have the career the Rock has had but he is not a bad performer at all.  Put him in the right roles and he is entertaining and does have some good comedic timing.

It is not the classic I was hoping it would be but funny enough and had me laughing out loud a few times so if you catch it on cable or if it hits the streaming services worth checking out.

Movie Review: Bottom 100 #14: Alone in the Dark

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you have found this entry.  Today, 8/11/18, I am checking out the bottom 100 flick Alone in the Dark.  It stars Christian Slater, Tara Reid and Stephen Dorff (good grief, who thought that would be a good cast...oh of course it is Uwe Boll!)  "A detective of the paranormal slowly unravels mysterious events with deadly results."  There is no way that this movie did NOT end up in the bottom 100!  It currently has a 2.3/10 with nearly 40k worth of votes.  Lets go see why the only people who saw this movie did so alone...while in the dark!

• I am glad they are reading the scroll, that is a shit ton to read!  This is a movie not a book damn it!
• Of course it is the fault of the Native Americans!  Look what they did to that poor family in Poltergeist!
• Your mom is a bitch that did not teach you to keep that trap of yours shut!
• Wait there are more voiceovers?  
• That is the kid from Rampage series by the same director!  He is actually pretty good
• Random taxi chase!  YES!
• He just karate kicked that guy like 15 feet!  
• Good grief Boll is SUCH a bad director and almost all his movies are so bad, I am not drunk enough for this flick!
• There are still ice factories in America in 2005?  Where?  Why?
• Good grief, Tara is a curator?  I am not sure if she can even walk into a museum let alone run one!
• Yeah, that guy is probably just going to load it on the truck, not steal something that is SOLID GOLD
• Oh he did not even bother to wait till it was on the truck, he just opened it.  Even though the guy said it kept back evil?  Greed is a powerful thing
• Oh shit, you are in trouble dude, the lights are flashing, that means you are fucked!
• Who are these people?
• Reid looks so weird now with her...um...enhancements
• Again...random voiceovers!
• So many pointless scenes
• Reids acting is just as bad without her enhancements though
• bad CGI or worst CGI?
• Night at the Museum sure did not make it seem as dangerous as it really is.  Look at this flick and Relic and the like!
• Three person team....and they split up?  
• Wait...I thought they split up?  Who directed this...oh right...
• Yeah you are not 713 anymore buddy!
• Its like a really bad video game plot...with a writer who is 12 years old
• WTF?  Random sex scene for no reason what so ever
• She made no noise what so ever, she should have atleast went "offff" or something like that right?  
• Wait...why not give the wife an insect thing too?
• My god she is awful, I do not believe she even knows what most of those words mean!
• I think he has the best karate kicks in the history of kicks!
• Ah yes the classic Boll shooting scene.  I think he does one of these scenes in every one of his flicks!
• Wait...they are zombies like creatures now that eat people?
• Why take the civilian?
• In the trivia over on IMDB even Boll regrets casting Reid in this flick, how sad is that!
• The flick is not over yet but I will tell you that this flick is easily a 1/10
• Why did that guy CHARGE the killer monsters?
• Its like they took everything good from the Alien flicks and ruined it and bastardized it into something horrible
• Okay this flick is going on WAY too long and it is only 100 or some minutes, should have been 80ish at most!
• Wait why did he open teh door and take the bomb out of the room?  I am confused!
• So by opening the door all people were killed?  Thanos should have just opened that door!

Well that was one of the worst things I have ever sat through.  I have nothing good to say about it.  The acting was unbelievable and the CGI was bad.  There was nothing good about it.  Nothing.  I am sorry for everyone involved in this film.  Do NOT watch this film...ever!

Movie Reivew: John Wick

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening....whenever it is you have found this entry.  Today, 8/4/18, I am checking out the flick John Wick.  It stars Keanu Reeves, Michael Nyqvist and Alfie Allen.  "An ex-hitman comes out of retirement to track down the gangsters that killed his dog and took everything from him." 

• Well this is a slow start
• Well that is a bad guy, he is always a bad guy...even when he is not 
• No action movie should make me...OH MY GOD IT IS A BEAGLE?  THEY ARE GOING TO HURT A BEAGLE?
• Beagles are the bestest doggies!  Now I miss Ace, thanks a lot stupid movie
• Oh Russians....they are horrible in movies.  Thankfully in real life they only look out for our best interest in real life!
• If they did that to my dog....I would probably do what John ends up doing to these guys.  I have always said you can do anything to me but if you mess with my dog watch out!
• Honestly why would they hurt the puppy who did nothing.  The puppy did NOTHING!
• Nice response....oh
• I think there is going to be some mayhem in this movie.  Because that is Mr. Mayhem...get it...oh never mind
• Is the guy in charge the most interesting man in world?
• Yeah that is how I would have responded too, and I think that is very civilized
• If he can do what this guy says why bother trying to kill him?  Give up your kid and take the lost if you ask me
• Nice that he has his own "cleaning" crew
• Looking at the cast of this movie there are some good performers in this 
• I think I just saw Big Sexy....hopefully he will bust out his Super Shredder outfit
• Big Sexy has a decent Russian accent!
• I thought Wick had the Hershel infinite bullet cheat from the Walking Dead but he finally had to reload
• I would think that throw over the balcony would break his back
• So the Goblin just saved Wick so he can kill him himself, smart thinking on the Goblins part, makes me Green with envy...get it!
• I like that it is not about the money
• I hate blood splatter on the camera in movies and TV
• Should have just given your son up to begin with
• It is never just a fucking dog!
• Damn Goblin was on his side.  I thought it was about the money.  So disappointed
• Poor Goblin, should have been after the money, it is about the money, always the money
• This flick is getting a little long in the tooth 

Well that was something.  It was pretty good aside from being long.  It needed to have probably 15-20 minutes shaved off, make it around 80 or 90 minutes.  At over 100 minutes I felt it was just too long.  Plus a few too many storylines with the Ms. Perkins and Marcus storyline and the hotel story as well.

Currently it has a 7.3 with nearly 400,000 votes.  I think this is probably about right.  I give it a 7/10.  I am interested in seeing the second one especially with the third one being filmed currently.  This is worth checking out if you enjoy a good old fashion revenge story!