Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you have come across this entry. Today, 2/23/19, I am checking out the flick Kazaam. It is currently on the bottom 100 list, #28. It currently has a 2.9 with 21,401 votes. "A troubled kid inadvertently releases a genie, who must grant him any three wishes he requests." It stars Shaquille O'Neal, Francis Capra and Ally Walker. Remember this does NOT star Sinbad!
How did he know he was falling? Does everything in the lamp shift as it moves
Oh my god that kids teeth are horrible!
Is that a young Eminem? Nah acting is better
I just looked Max up and he looks quite different then I anticipated
I think I would run to somewhere there are people, not an abandoned building they could kill me in!
Or that I could fall four stories in
Oh I hope he rhymes the entire time!
A nice potential stepdad...weird
How would he know how to ride a bike?
Also love that all that junk is set up to be a track
Yeah, that seems to be the way of Genies, always giving you want you want but not in the way you want it
Probably shouldn't use the phrase own with an African American
Probably not a great place to have your kid
I love that he continues to rhyme!
Look at that guys shirt! I LOVE IT!
The worst way to sneak into the house, through the front door and then trying to wake your mom up...you were grounded kid!
This is why rap is crap!
Kazaam and Shaq graduated from LSU, interesting!
They are obviously father and son, both have HORRIBLE hair
I can't figure out who this was marketed toward
I didn't know that Kazaam knew Shaq-Fu
I am pretty sure that Kazaam checked that guys oil!
Well that wasn't that bad. It wasn't good either don't get me wrong but like a lot of bottom 100 flicks it doesn't belong there. Shaq wasn't bad but the rest of the cast was and the story was AWFUL! Overall I would say this is 4/10....yeah a 4. I wouldn't put this as a bottom 100 flick. Not good but not that level of bad!
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening....whenever it is you have found this blog. I am back after some time off to deal with personal stuff. Today, 6/23/18 I am checking out the flick Jurassic Dead. "A cracked scientist aligns with the Axis of Evil to bring down the US of A with EMP blasts, toxic zombification gas and an unleashing of the ultimate undead killing monstrosity -- the Z-REX" It stars Matt Block, Cooper Elliott and Ben Johnson. It currently has a 4.5/10 on IMDB with 98 votes. I personally can't wait to see some zombie dinosaurs!
80 minutes, probably a good running time for this flick
I already want this soundtrack!
So it is either get shot in the head or get eaten by a zombie dinosaur...I think I would pick the the gun shot in the head
The bald guy is the scientist? Really? Was Denise Richards busy? BAM!
OH MY GOD THE BEST LOOKING DINOSAUR EVER!!
Seriously that was like the dinosaurs at Dinosaurs Alive at Impression 5 (That is a call back to my elementary days in Charlotte/Lansing Michigan area!)
What school only has like 10 students in a class? Couldn't they give out free sandwiches and get more people?
Oh my god, this acting is awful!
Is this a found footage flick? Oh....nope....damn
I don't think that was a real cigar!
So...um...no one saw this asteriod coming?
Dear lord who wrote this?
Where are the zombie dinosaurs? I was promised zombie dinosaurs
Wait...how is the helicopter still working? No electronics in that?
It is nice to Yosemite Sam get work
60 miles before nightfall. Interesting
How am I suppose to know what is electronically and what is not? Really?
Thank god for public domain music!
What is he shooting at...the gas?
I was thinking he looked Duke Nukem too! Or Brian Knobbs if he was skinny
Is he a mix between Billy and Scare-Crow?
Wait...did Duke/Knobbs just fight the T-Rex hand to hand and knock it out?
Why is the T-Rex so small?
Have they not figured out that they are zombies?
Wait...are we going to hear redneck take a crap? Not cool
Why is this flick celebrating the zombie Knobbs killing redneck guy with his own theme music?
Really? Wasting the ammo on the metal door that just fell apart....who wrote this shit?
No nearly enough zombie dinosaurs eating humans and other dinosaurs and what not
I am so confused about this flick. I thought only one soldier survived but I saw two plus a girl and why dod they have the dino head on their roof? Also are they zombies or just flesh eaters?
I do not usually add comments here but I think they put more effort into the credits!
Really? A post credit scene in this flick?
I have no idea what I just watched. I feel like the writers had an outline for the flick and just "We don't need anything more than this. Each card is a scene and we are good." It was disjointed and confusing and the dialog made what I wrote in Grade School good. I cannot write dialog worth shit but sweat baby Jesus this made my dialog look like Shakespeare!
The acting was over the top to just basically said like reading a queue card with no effort. It was all over the place and not in a good way.
The dinosaur was awful and made no sense and honestly did not anything to the film. Could have just been zombies/infected and would have made more sense. The inclusion of the T-Rex just muddied the waters.
Overall I give this a 3 only because the nerd girl and Duke Knobbs entertained me. I guess you can watch this if you can find a copy but do not go out of your way. It is bad and not in an entertaining train wreck sort of way!
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you have come across todays entry. Today, 12/02/17, I am checking out the Syfy/Asylum flick Empire of the Sharks. It currently has a rating of 2.9 with 271 people rating it. It stars John Savage, Jack Amstrong and Thandi Sebe. "On a future earth where 98% of the surface is underwater, a Warlord who controls an army of sharks meets his match when he captures the daughter of a mysterious shark caller." An army of sharks? How can this be bad!
My god, Big Ben is underwater...should I care?
Slow boat or slowest boat?
You can own the ocean?
Is it that hard to make salt water drinkable?
Is Mr. Scream drunk...or it is Mason Scrim
Where is Freddy Kruger to make a power glove joke?
Wait...he'll go deeper...than the sharks?
Yes hide the time keeping device next to your boobs...they kidnappers will NEVER look there
Probably can't save the girl if EVERYONE knows you are there
The most realistic looking sharks EVER!
Wait...they took the girls...to be regular slaves? What kind of warlord is this? Healthy male workers seem better for that kind of job....is that sexist of me?
Yep because pearls would still be valuable in a world without clean water.....
So the sunstone means she can call sharks....okay
He is the least intimidating hero ever
Serious cheddar? Who talks like that?
There is the Asylum over-the-top acting! LOVE IT!
The captain chick is not a good actress...but then again compared to most of the people here she isn't bad
This kid has no idea what he is doing? Worst plan ever, why not just take the supplies in himself?
ARMY OF SHARKS!
Man the CGI is awesome
Some day I want to own the ocean like this warlord. I believe that is called life goals
Oh shit....the power glove failed!
How does the power glove work I would like to know
This is actually a really boring Asylum flick sadly
Scrim is so over the top it is fun
Nice they threw in a hammerhead
I think there is a T-Rex around the way the water is rippling
That was the dumbest way to jump in the water I've ever seen
Yeah teaching her how to control the sharks wasn't the best idea there warlord man
He even makes his own sound effects...awesome!
The sharks sure can breach in the future
Those gloves won't still work without hands sunshine
Is she a mermaid?
Wait...are they a frat now? Is she going to start spanking people with that paddle?
They had a shark caller to trainer her...so they have a shark caller? I'm confused by this
And why do all that bullshit if she can just do it?
Well that was a disappointing flick even by Asylum standards to be honest. It wasn't campy enough to be enjoyable and not bad enough to be laughable...it was just there and fell flat.
Overall I think the 2.9 is a little high and I give it a 2/10. Usually I try to find something good to say about a film but this just did not have anything unfortunately. Usually Asylum flicks are campy B movie fun but this was not. I read that this came out during Sharknado week so I feel like they just threw a script together and put it out there without really working on it.
I cannot say to check this flick out. Save your bad movie viewing time for others.
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, whenever it is you have come across this entry. I am returning the realm of expected bad movies today (9/19/17) as I am checking the 2003 flick House of the Dead. It stars Jonathan Cherry, Tyron Leitso and Clint Howard. "A group of college students travel to a mysterious island to attend a rave, which is soon taken over by bloodthirsty zombies." To quote the late Roddy Piper, sweet baby Jesus, this is a Uwe Boll flick?!?! While I like a few of his films he does not have a good record at all, especially with video game franchises! Well I cannot delay it any longer (which isn't true, I mean it is my choice to punish myself with these bad movies after all). Lets go check out...uggg....House of the Dead!
You can bet there will be a lot of gore in this flick as Boll loves his gore
Nice Sega reference....or actually huge product placement
Does Clint have a hook for a hand?
Good grief, it starts bad...and we have a Capt. Kirk joke...fantastic
It is too bad that he is in this flick because Jürgen Prochnow is a good actor. Loved him in the audio book of World War Z, one of my favorite parts
Takes off her top but not her underwear? Wonder why that would be....I mean besides movie rules
Pointless boobs underwater shot there
Probably shouldn't be watching this flick at work
Matt just disappeared with nothing left behind, not even a struggle, weird
More toplessness for no reason
Yes he went into the crypt, I mean why wouldn't someone go into a crypt on a mysterious island graveyard! I love movie logic
Ah yes now the zombies have found the "rave"
WTF? Random video game clips?
They don't find it weird that NO ONE is at this "rave"
groove to funky tunes?
Yes more video game clips, can't figure out how this is a bottom 100 flick
They sound more like beasts then zombies
There are a lot of video games that could be movies but House of the Dead, a shooter on rails was low down on my list
Yes, keep filming the entire time
There are zombies attacking people, you hear someone pounding on the turned over portajohn and you open it?
These zombies die from body shots? What are the rules of this flick?
Now they run? And I hate running zombies
So is Capt Kirk dead?
Nope there he is...and there he goes :(
Uggg, the use of shake first person cam is enough to get this in teh bottom 100
Ah yes, the gearing up scene followed by video game clips
I think that was actually a zombie out to the game!
Also they have the Hershal unlimited ammo cheat!
WTF was that zombie doing?
Where did the dead find all these melee weapons?
Why go in the cabin, you seemingly can take them just fine, killing 3 or 4 with one bullet even
Also these zombies LOVE to jump
Its a zombie not a T-Rex there Malcolm
Oh the karate American Flag Wearing girl goes down
They ate her legs that fast? That is going to get you sick zombies
So bites don't turn you? Again what are the rules?
Yes, now is the time to make out...wait...they dead are cleaning up their own?
More making out as they are near the dead
Where did they find more ammo?
He dropped a bullet, that will cost him
So they were in this house the entire time before and never looked around?
So these things aren't really zombies as much as undead. I know it seems the same but it isn't!
Howdy Rudy get in front of everyone?
I don't think that is how gun powder works, but I can't say for sure
Yes, follow the weird cloaked person
Nice, a great skin mask
Owe loved this 360 cam and slow motion
Why isn't she bleeding?
Oh, there is a little blood there
Well that was as bad as I expected. Or what I expected. The 2 on IMDB is perfect for this flick and it all falls on Boll's head. The actors did what they could but when you have a director that goes for sizzle instead of steak this is what you get.
I cannot say anything stuck out as horrible but nothing stood out a good. The writing was bad, the acting at time was bad, it was a glorified stunt show most of the time actually. Zombies jumping and using axes (I know it is in the game) explosions randomly or because why not throw a grande without telling the others.
I can't say to watch this, it is not the kind of bad that it is enjoyable, it is just bad.
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you have come across this blog. Ii was looking for something to blog about and thought I'd look around Netflix and decided I do a cult flick. Well that didn't work out because Netflix reminded me that I watched Zoombies! Well that led me to this flick, Avalanche Sharks! "Avalanche Sharks tells the story of a bikini contest that turns into a horrifying affair when it is hit by a shark avalanche." It stars Alexander Mendeluk, Kate Nauta and Benjamin Easterday. I cannot wait to see this AWESOME flick!
Good grief, do ski people really talk like surfers on snow?
OH MY GOD THAT WAS AWESOME! Ghost snow shark thingy
Do people really impale themselves on things while skiing? That makes it a lot more interesting. Now I want traps and shit and we have a very interesting spectator sport!
She is really pissed off for being late.
So the guy is a schedule freak
This movie is what happens when film makers realize that go pros are cheap
Why in the hell did that girl throw her top/vest at the sheriff? Also isn't it cold to be in a bikini?
Oh of course, a creepy mountain guy who knows about the snow shark alien things
My god, the writing on this flick is just awful. Keith Shaw, the writer, should be ashamed. I wouldn't allow my name
Did they really use "CGI" for the fire? I mean why?
Is that guy just randomly twirling the fire thing for no reason
Do they really have those PA systems at ski resorts? Every ski move, all of them bad, seem to have them. Even Always Sunny mocked them
I'm so worried about my brother....lets go have sex....amazing characters in this flick. Hope my brother would worried that much about me if I went missing
Movies like this make me miss the message boards on IMDB
Good god if I was Keith Shaw I'd be in witness protection. I might even start going by Michael Bay
Really? An oral sex joke?
You know...the file, there can be only one file
People Meat? Is that another sex joke?
Love is the answer? My god I think anyone named Keith should change their name because that is this writers name.
Of course they just happened to find his goggles. Of course
They can just replace the sheriff? What kind of place is "Mammoth Mountain"?
Why take just on snow machine?
I just told you a story...so...lets make out? GOOD GRIEF!
I love the idea that she is going to fuck the winner of a snow machine race. Because...um...movie logic?
They killed all of his dogs?
People don't just randomly die? That is actually how it works!
So the logical person from the beginning isn't anymore?
Also how did they attack through the hot tub?
So the new sheriff just left the girl...and was that the story guy? I feel like it was
There is not enough panic in their voices for ghost snow sharks
Yes, keep shooting, it obviously works well
I'm not crazy I'm a Marine? What the fuck does that mean?
Yep leaving is probably the best option, the stupid ski patrol/new sheriff guy was the smartest of them all
Don't ever look back....at this movie or your career after this movie!
I have no idea what to say about this flick. It has a 2.3 over in IMDB as of 6/15 and that is high. Unless you want a bad movie do NOT watch this flick. it is painful, plain and simple. The writing is awful. The acting isn't much better. The CGI isn't horrible, if I had to find something good. The one shot of the shark on the truck near the end wasn't horrible.
But seriously this is flat out bad and obviously a made for TV flick. I give it a 1/10. If you want a bad movie for 90 minutes this is a bad bad movie. Until next time...remember....don't look back...never look back!
Hello again. This is to remind you folks what I do for you my faithful readers! I am watching #6 on the Bottom 100 as of March 15th, 2016. That is right. I am watching Pledge This! It stars Paris Hilton, Simon Rex and Paula Garcés. "At South Beach University, a beautiful sorority president takes in a group of unconventional freshman girls seeking acceptance into her house." I wonder if this will live up to #6.
Oh my god, it starts with the worst voice over ever and some of the worst "freshmen" guys ever! But one of them is married to Christina Hendricks so what do I know
Good grief I'm three minutes in and it is awful
Who thought putting Paris Hilton in a film was a good idea
Good god this is bad!
How does this have a 1.9 right now on IMDB? If I could give it a 0
Wow...remember when National Lampoon meant something good
This...this is awful and I have no idea how this was made. Makes Birdemic look like a classic
Those girls are laughing while covered in shit?
The worst voice overs EVER! Paris Hilton is horrible
Oh good god tell me this isn't going to happen...yep the dog...my god
Pointer in my purple star fish?
Feet are SO gross
This guy is still a working actor? HOW? HOW ARE ANY OF THESE PEOPLE?
I heard that some of the actors in Troll 2 don't put the flick on their resume. You couldn't pay me to claim I was in this flick!
I've said I'd do almost anything for money but I wouldn't be in this movie.
Is he suppose to be the same person? I'm so fucking confused
Every time a new actor shows up they are worst then the last!
Sofía Vergara must leave this off her resume. I'm guessing she is more likely to leave Soul Plane on it
I shall start off with my rating. 1/10. If I could give it a lower rating on IMDB I would but good god it as awful! It might be the worst thing I've ever seen and I watched Special Dead.
I can't say anything good about this flick. Not a damn thing. The director, William Heins, should be ashamed. If I had directed this film I wouldn't have allowed it to be distributed with my name on it. Honestly I'd rather watch Yeti: A Love Story on a 24 hour loop then this.
The editing was so bad there was basically a commercial break between a couple of scenes! The acting was horrible. The script made the acting worse.
This is officially the worst thing I've ever seen. Everyone involved should be ashamed. I am ashamed for them and I'd gladly be in "bad" movies but this was a bad movie. If you don't know the difference get away from my blog!
Hello. I am back and this time with another movie review. I'm going to be watching the classic 3 Headed Shark Attack. Over on IMDB it has a rating of 2.8 as of 10/1. It stars Karrueche Tran, Jaason Simmons and Rob Van Dam. "The world's greatest killing machine is three times as deadly when a mutated, three-headed, great white shark threatens a cruise ship. As the shark eats its way from one end of the ship to the next, the passengers fight the deadly predator using anything they can find." I can't wait for another Syfy classic!
Did she have a mustache?
No I think it was just a shadow
What the fuck is that?!?! Is that a real person?
That is what happens when plastic surgery goes bad I think
Oh shit a real 3 headed shark, the title didn’t lie
Gotta wet down your hair before taking off your top, everyone knows that
Oh she is a porn star, that explains it. For...um...research purposes I looked her up and in the pictures she looks much better
What kind of swimsuit is that one person wearing?
Damn! Did that shark just go on land? Is it a land shark? SNL WAS RIGHT!!
Don’t even hid the fact that you’re doing a shot of the divers ass but then go away from it when you can actually see her ass, thanks TV movie, thanks a lot
Did that guy just creep her over the video phone?
So these two are scientist huh? Like Denise Richards in that Bond flick
Who cast these people? Do I believe any of these are scientist or researchers or anything like that?
Who cast these people as scientist? Oh the one group is activist, that explains why they look like dirty dirty hippies
Where is the 3 Headed Shark to end this dialog?
Where is Rob Van Dam to 5 Star Frog Splash these people to end this dialog
Did the editor not realize they had the same dialog back to back about the mutations and 4 or 5th specimen?
Then again I wouldn’t want to watch this either....yet...well I am aren’t I
Wait....they have a radar and don’t notice a giant shark until now?
Yes take your glasses off to go topside, you’ve got to do that!
Why are these people so damn dirty?
Yes leave the new kids who have been in the base for an hour, I mean he did say stay here so its okay
Oh my bearded brethren, you should know better then to run toward a “whale”
The 3 Headed Shark actually doesn’t look as hokey as it sounds
Kicked it with whales before? Tell me he didn’t just say that
Now imagine if zombie shark showed up and infected 3 head shark! I SMELL TEAM UP FLICK!
Earth Pact? What a stupid name. Next you’ll tell me people used Sea Shepards...
You’ve got to turn the engine on before fucking with the throttle sunshine
Yes splash as much as you can while swimming out there, sharks don’t like noise if I remember correctly
So the chick who didn’t want to swim out just decided to swim out? Seriously?
He is out swimming a shark? Really?
Do they know how to drive a boat?
A distraction or suicide run? Do they know what a distraction is?
Shouldn’t they be swimming toward the boat or moving the boat toward them?
I’M KING OF THE WORLD!
Danny Trejo will save the day....wait he usually dies in these flicks...damn
Where is the Birdemic singer? He should be on this boat singing, it’d be awesome
The kid in the pink shirt needs to get eaten...please...for me
Where is RVD damn it?
I like that the heads fight each other
Wait? I think I saw his ponytail! We’re saved!
RVD! RVD! RVD!
How are these kids falling in the water?
I KNEW IT! HE SAVED THE DAY!
Did the shark just go through the boat? Or did he jump onto it then off again
The shadow is bigger then the boat how did it jump onto it?
Why am I asking so many questions about 3 Headed Shark Attack?
Rescue Howard? Really?
You just came form topside....why did you go down there to start with?
Did the shark eat everyone else? Does that mean pink shirt kid?
How did they all get beat up on a boat bouncing around?
It just pulled a Jaws to sink the boat
Howard is going to get you all killed!
When did Maggie change into a bikini or do all scientist wear one under their shirt?
Oh she used her shirt to fix up his head
Isn’t this boat sinking and suppose to be at an angle that people can’t walk on hence why buff scientist guy died
I’d throw Howard into the water as a distraction
Does Rose Marie not know how a ladder works?
This is all Howards fault damn it!
I think I saw this in Reign of Fire
He is water skiing on a shark! AWESOME!
Good thing Trejo is in this flick, his part is important
Oh that shark isn’t going to like all that smoke, he is like a violent Capt. Planet
Oh that kind of “fishing”
They’re automatic weapons you morons!
Smile you son of a b....
I think these are most comments I’ve made for a movie, is that good or bad?
How is this flick only 89 minutes? I feel like I’ve had a birthday watching it
Kill one head two will take its place...wait that is Hydra my bad
Oh and apparently that is almost true of this awesome shark
Just get away from the beach, I don’t think it can live on land for a long time
I think the pontoons are on the other side of the island...since he said that twice now
Rob Pallatina did the editing for this film and he should ashamed
Tell me again why they’re leaving the island?
Oh shit, she just said they’re going to be okay, they’re screwed
Why are the anchored?
Why did he swim PASS the ladder?
Shouldn’t it just grow more heads after its own?
Wait...he was at garbage island and didn’t do this before but now....oh fuck it why am I trying to figure this out?
Oh good god, nearly 3 pages of shitty thoughts.
My god that was the worst thing I’ve ever seen. DO NOT WATCH THIS! There is seriously nothing “good” about this
movie. I realize it is a Syfy flick but
dear lord they should all be ashamed! I give it 1/10 because it is all I can do! AVOID IT unless you want to see maybe the worse thing ever put on film...and I've watched all four Transformers movies!
I am back and better than ever and Mike Greenberg would
say.I have return for more rambling
about who knows what!This time I’m
watching the flick Zombie Massacre 2: Reich of the Dead starring Andrew Harwood
Mills, Dan van Husen and Aaron Stielstra.“Set in the WWII it tells the story of a bunch of american soldiers
fighting against a horde of zombies created by the Nazis using the prisoners of
the camps... They have only one night to save their own lives but the enemy is
stronger and stronger...”Yeah its
awesome and I can’t wait.As of 9/18
this masterpiece has a 2.8 over on IMDB.Enough of the preliminaries lets get to the main event!
·Nazi and zombies?Hitler did love the occult they say
·Have I seen this before?I’m getting flashbacks...my god am I
rewatching bad movies?
·Those Nazi literarily stood there as they got
shot.No wonder they lost the war!
·Already the acting is bad.I’m not sure what that accent is...Scottish
perhaps?Irish?
·Wait...was that Italian?
·Oh man, did he really just put his gun
down?That is just saying I’m about to
get attacked by a zombie
·Good grief this dialog is awful!
·Was that a sarcastic good job?I honestly can’t tell with that guy
·Wow, these guys are awful, are they actually the
best people who auditioned?
·Where did the smoke come from?Or is it fog?Nope middle of the day so probably smoke
·I think Aaron Stielstra is the worst actor I’ve
seen and I’ve watched
·The best part of this flick has been the voice
over at the start, 30 minutes in and well the rest was not good
·Where is all that damn smoke coming from?
·Wait....was that zombie crying?There is no crying when you’re a zombie!
·Oh wait is this the boy in the striped
pajamas?Okay that was a horrible joke
and I should be ashamed of myself
·There are more then the three that they
showed?I’m confused
·Why are the zombies even reacting to the body
shots when the one didn’t getting stabbed
·I will say this horrible thing is moving
surprisingly fast, I am half way through but good grief another 45 minutes is
going to be rough
·Dear lord this Aaron guy has me wishing for
Nicky Cage to be in this flick.
·Wish I hadn’t noticed the time, it is just
crawling by now
·What the hell was that sudden POV shot?
·What was that?A mine?A mortar?
·Dear lord his acting has actually got
worse!HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?!?!
oI don’t think I’ve attacked an actor like this
before but well he is actually dragging down what is already a bad flick so
sorry not sorry
·Is that Maggie from the Walking Dead?
·“Who are you?I’m Erin thank you for helping me. “ Yep that is an actual line.Awesome
·“Maggie” looks a little like a zombie already,
get that girl a sandwich or better makeup!
·She looks really familiar, I think she just has
one of those faces.You know the “bit
part actress face”.Not ugly but not TOO
pretty as to upstage the “hot” star
·I am really confused as to what is happening in
this flick right now
I have no idea what I just watched.That was the worse movie I think I’ve ever
seen!It was...was...shit.I can’t say anything good about this
flick.If you want pure horrible check
this flick out.I’m done and need to go
watch something good to clear mind!
