Movie Review: Zombie Honeymoon

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening....whenever it is that you have come across this entry.  Today (11/27/17) I am checking out the 2004 flick Zombie Honeymoon.  Its stars Tracy Coogan, Graham Sibley and Tonya Cornelisse.  " Zombie Honeymoon is a gore-soaked exploration of how far the boundaries of true love can be pushed without reaching a breaking point."  Lets find out if the honeymoon is over for this flick!

• We start off with the gross zombie eating noises
• That is really loud music for the dead walking....and an awesome red wedding dress
• Classy, gotta get some road driving from the wedding!
• How dare they film me out running!
• who cooks in their underwear?  That is how you get burns!
• ITS AQUAMAN!  DC get your lawyers ready
• Wait....did that kill Danny?
• I wouldn't let that "doctor" treat my sick house plant!
• We tried everything...we did the paddles that shock him...what else could we try?
• You notice he isn't burned where the skin is pealing...I guess she doesn't
• He is getting a little bitie in his love making
• Dying and coming back to life doesn't at least get you an overnight stay in the hospital?  Health care companies are out of control!
• Wait...does her accent change at different times?
• Why would they know about the guy in his hospital room?
• Did this director get tips from the Birdemic director about how exciting watching people drive is
• Is he eating the guy in the shower...and I don't mean it like that you sickos!
• Its not what she thinks?  What else could it be?
• Nothing is more exciting then a cleaning montoge
• Wine out of plastic cups...this couple is classy!
• This might be the most boring horror movie of all time
• Seriously can these guys not keep their accents straight?
• That is some awesome makeup and outfit!
• Nobody notices the guy covered in blood on the boardwalk?  That is strange
• Yesterday?  Its been at least two days
• Why did he ring the doorbell at his own house?
• He kept the roommates head in the closet?  Why?
• Worst hiding place ever?
• So no one went and looked for those cops that he ate?

Honestly this is the most boring horror flick I have seen for a while.  Nothing happens in it and it is 83 minutes long.  I mean the end changes a bit but overall it is just boring.  Over on IMDB it has a 4.7/10 with 2,217 votes.  I think that is a little high, I think I'd go with a 3/10.  

I will say the gross eating sounds was a little much for me.  There was also a little too much when it came to filler for me.  The Birdemic like shots of her driving around and just her sitting there listening to him feed.  

Overall I would NOT suggest this flick to sit through.  There is not enough good and it is not campy enough to enjoy for that.  It is just plain boring and a waste of time in my humble opinion.

Until next time...remember to dodge the black sludge that comes out of a zombies mouth!

Movie Review: Batman and Harley Quinn

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you have come across this entry.  Today I'm checking out DC Animated Universe flick Batman and Harley Quinn.  It stars Kevin Conroy, Melissa Rauch and Paget Brewster. "Batman and Nightwing are forced to team with the Joker's sometimes-girlfriend Harley Quinn to stop a global threat brought about by Poison Ivy and Jason Woodrue, the Floronic Man."  Kevin Conroy is in it as Batman so the worst this could possible get is a 5....lets see how this goes.

• That is Birdgirls voice!  YOU'RE DEAD TO ME CAN OPENER!
• YES!  Kevin is the voice of Batman...this already is feels right
• Well these are interesting opening credits
• Swamp Thing?
• Why would you ever parole Harley?  EVER!
• Anderson is....creepy
• Nightwing just walks around the streets in his costume?
• I'm surprised no one has actually created this Hooters inspired resturant
• I do not like Harley's voice.  nope...not one bit
• She just called Mr. J an asshat...nope...that ain't right
• Dear lord...are they implying that Harley is going to rape Nightwing?
• Oh no...Harley didn't put a sock on the door!
• Why would they need to put in a word with the parole board?  She is already paroled
• Did they just leave the batmobile to chase them on foot?
• Hand goes up mouth goes shut!
• Honestly?  Fart jokes...I am not sure about this
• Nice call back to a lot of Animated Series badies
• Wait...it is Harley singing and not Batman?  Did these people not watch Justice League and how good Conroy can sing.
• Wait...that giant clown was a robot wasn't it?  I mean it drove Mr. J's boat in that one episode and I thought it was a robot....guess not
• Really?  "Oh, my balls"
• Booster Gold?
• Kevin Michael Richards is a great voice actor!
• It is sad that the DC Animated Universe is so much better then their cinematic one
• Can you eat yams raw?
• I guess Harley's real voice actor retired but this voice is just annoying
• The ground just burped after eating that guy....
• The tone of this flick continually changes; its...weird
• Why are they still shooting with Nightwing on Floronic's back?  He isn't bullet proof!
• Really?  Crying is going to stop Ivy?
• WTF?  Swamp Thing is a fucking giant?
• Wait...that is the end?  

Okay....that was...disappointing.  The writing was horrible and Harley's voice was just annoying.  I give it a 6/10.

The concept of Harley trying to go straight and being forced to help out is a good one.  The idea it is against Ivy, who on the Animated Series had a friendship with Harley, was also a good one.  The use of a lot of the things from the Animated Series is good.  

But the writing was so inconstant.  You had series scenes like when the doctor died but then you have Harley farting in the Batmobile.  You have Ivy doing something drastic to a series issue but then have her also going into the "green" and getting high to travel through the green.  It just made no sense.

And good grief how I did I forget how great Kevin Michael Richardson is?  One of my favorite voice actors out there!

I am sorry to say it is only a 6/10 because I really like most of the DCAU things.  Honestly I didn't hate this but good grief it was like watching several shows smashed together.  If you like the DCAU check it out but don't check it out looking for something great.

Movie Review: Fiddler on the Roof

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever you have found this entry.  Today (9/27/17) I am checking out the musical Fiddler on the Roof.  It stars Topol, Norma Crane and Leonard Frey. "In prerevolutionary Russia, a Jewish peasant contends with marrying off three of his daughters while growing anti-Semitic sentiment threatens his village."  As of today it has an 8/10 with 31,909 votes

• Good grief, 3 blessed hours?  What is this possibly the greatest work of fantasy fiction of all time?  
• What kind of a nut job fiddles on a roof?  
• Why is it tradition is good sometimes and other times it is bad not to evolve?
• How to wear clothes?  That isn't HOW to wear clothes, that is WHAT to wear...nut job
• These are some weird look people!
• I always thought that Zero was in this flick, maybe just the broadway show
• The Fiddle is a horrible sounding instrument at times
• Bald!  GROSS!  DISGUSTING!
• I already feel like this is going to be a three hour bad episode of Seinfeld
• His name is Motel?  Just like in Trailer Park Boys!
• But...you just said....you didn't want a match...unless I'm already confused who is who
• I believe I am...yep I was
• That just ruined all those clothes....
• Why does the one kid have red hair....did they sell her soul?  
• WHERE THE HELL DID THOSE OTHER KIDS COME FROM?
• I agree with Tevye, that is what I think "God" does with me.  Press the Gene button as I used to call it
• Nice they used the Christina Aguilera song (A joke people)
• Gross, fowl smell horrible!
• MY GOD HE IS HAVING A FIT WHILE SINGING!  PUT A WALLET IN HIS MOUTH!
• So he is socialist?
• Yeah I feel like Tavye
• Did the writer get paid for every time a character said Sabbath?
• I will say this flick is moving at a decent clip
• Wait....that is the guy that wants to marry the 19 year old?
• I don't know what that was but I'd like to a shot or two 
• Hell she'll be a widow in 5 years
• Dancing is so...weird
• Good grief, that fiddler looks like he is waiting to rape and kill someone...and doesn't matter if it is male or female!
• That is the second dumbest dance I've seen!
• How can she grow old?  He is as old as her dad!
• This kid from Kiev is an annoying idealist
• That song was just horrible!  It is a miracle I didn't vomit
• Wow some of these scenes just drag on and on
• How many story lines does this flick have?
• I feel like Robin Williams should be here somewhere
• Bearded people do play with their beards a lot
• Wait...should the men be dancing with men?  
• Is that the rabbi's underwear?
• Well this escalated quickly
• Hodel, isn't that the name of the giant in Game of Thrones?
• Why aren't they speaking Russian?
• Still 45 minutes?
• This second half of the flick, since Motel's wedding hasn't exactly been real bright and cheery
• He has a lot of hands....
• Yep, this turned into a laugh a minute
• I'm officially bored
• Just following orders...but then again can I blame people who said that?
• Are they going to end it with the entire boat going down, because that is the mood this flick is having

Well that became a true laugh riot didn't it!  I guess I'll start with my personal rating.  I'm going to go below the curve and give it a 6/10.  I'll be honest it was long.  LOOOONG!  That is my biggest gripe about it.  Dear lord I felt like I had a birthday during this flick.  

It is also a bit depressing at the end isn't it?  It makes me sad that these things actually happened in life.  Both the daughter/father thing and the kicking of the people out of their house.

I don't have a lot to say about the flick other then that.  It is what it is.  

Movie Review: Bottom 100: Meet the Spartans

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is that you have come across this entry.  Today, 10/09/17, I am checking out a bottom 100 flick, #99 as of today, Meet the Spartans.  It stars Sean Maguire, Kevin Sorbo and Carmen Electra.  "The heroic Spartan king Leonidas, armed with nothing but leather underwear and a cape, leads a ragtag bunch of 13 Spartan misfit warriors to defend their homeland against thousands".  It currently has a 2.7 out of 10 with 92,906 votes.  I think I have seen this before so I am going to punish myself one more time for my dozens and dozens of readers.  The things I do for you people!

• Oh good grief...what am I doing to myself?
• These jokes are dated!  I mean so much so that people won't understand them 
• Really?  I don't think we needs to see shots of his balls 
• So this is the comedy of this flick huh?  This flick is already too long!
• 4 minutes in and already two balls jokes?  Really?
• Really mocking Anna Nicole's death?
• I am ashamed this movie was made and I had nothing to do with it!
• I never noticed Carmen had such weird/bad teeth
• Is this going to be one long gay joke?
• Okay that name was funny, Traitoro
• Why does "Britney" have a British Accent?  Or was that a Southern Accent
• I don't even know who that guy with the hair was!
• This pit of death joke should go into the pit of death!
• Yep gay jokes
• He is right, this isn't funny!
• Is it wrong that I already want to give this a 1
• I want to cut my own throat right now instead of finishing this, seriously this is awful
• Wait...he doesn't have any balls anymore?
• A cheap ripoff of 300 would actually be good compared to this dreck
• Did I say I'm ashamed this movie was made yet?
• My god....
• I can't believe they didn't screen this for critics....it would have killed most
• Seriously one gay joke would have been okay but so far every scene....really?
• I don't get it...Paris Hilton...
• Can you believe this flick was filmed in a week?  I can't because it couldn't have taken that long!
• I'd rather be watching one of those stupid dance battle flicks I think
• Yeah this flick is getting a 1, only because I can't give it a negative number
• Another reality show reference?
• But aren't all Spartans gay in this flick?
• Yet another gay joke....
• Seriously? 
• I wish I couldn't see or hear 
• You honestly couldn't pay me enough to be in this movie....no amount of money 
• I still don't get the Paris Hilton thing
• I still have 34 minutes of this shit?
• Is this a movie scene or did they stumble upon Carmen off camera?  
• There we go, it'd been a while since we had a balls joke
• And there we have yet another gay joke, excellent
• I wonder if anyone laughed at this movie
• Thank god they explained that "joke"
• Once again if you have to explain the jokes that much it is a bad joke
• If he is dead why another 20 minutes?
• Again aren't they all gay?
• So many crotch blurs
• This stupid dance scene probably took up two or three days of filming which probably should've been spent working on the script!
• Why would they want to eat at Hooters?
• So they didn't put these scenes in the movie but it is so bad and short they had to extend the credits?
• Thank god an Episode of Psych is next in my queue! (laughed more in the first 5 minutes then in the 80 minutes of this flick for the record!)

That...that was one of the most painful yet.  I honestly don't know why I didn't shut it off.  Yes I do because I assumed it couldn't be this bad the entire time...and it was.  It was maybe the most unfunny thing I've seen in my entire life.  Well that and all of their other movies.  Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer are perhaps the most unfunny people in Hollywood.  They have a Star Wars spoof coming out according to IMDB and I wish I could already give it a 1.  

Seriously do not watch this shit, I am ashamed it was made an that anyone watched it.  It actually made 8 million dollars which is even worse. Avoid this and anything by these idiots!

Movie Review: Rogue One

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening....whenever it is you have found todays entry.  Today, 10/10/17, I am checking out the Star Wars Rogue One flick.  It stars Felicity Jones, Diego Luna and Alan Tudyk.  "The Rebel Alliance makes a risky move to steal the plans for the Death Star, setting up the epic saga to follow."  I am not a huge fan of Star Wars but we will see if I like this one...I'm hoping for some Jar Jar love here, the best character in Star Wars history (yes...let me feel your hate!)  Oh it has a 7.9 on IMDB with 366,603 votes (I'm surprised it is that low, I figured all the Star Wars nerds would have given it a 12/10)

• There is our star I bet, in the past
• Yes trust the force, it has done so much for us so far...you know since we're filthy living in dirt and squaler
• Are they going to get sued by Battlestar Galactica?
• That kid runs funny
• The kid who is against the Empire had a Stormtrooper doll?  That doesn't make much sense
• Forest Whitaker is in this?  Nice, at least this one will have some decent acting...writing probably not so much but acting
• JESUS HE JUST KILLED HIS CONTACT!  The Rebels are such nice people, I can see what I would trust them
• The future...er....past....er....whatever sure is dirty
• CHOKESLAM!

• How many planets have we seen already?  Instead of wipes in this flick it is going to be new planets, at least it is something new for Lucas
• The rebels sure are nice people...have I mentioned that
• Does Star Wars have to have robots?
• And do all robots have to be annoying
• What is what Star Wars always having a shot of people watching a ship take off?
• Okay maybe I'm wrong about good acting, it looks like they gave Forrest a stupid gimmick
• The Star Wars Universe does love their capes don't they?
• I hope Forrest got a lot of money for this and what the director wanted for his "performance"
• Good grief what was that?  Chuckys Star Wars cousin?

found this by searching for stupid looking star wars creatures rogue one

• The thing above looks like a critter with a body
• I love that Storm troopers can't shoot anyone or anything but everyone else is like the crew of the Walking Dead, never missing
• this is such a weird story and like so many star wars before it I am bored
• Fire in space?
• Are we sure this main character isn't the same as in Chapter 7?  She behaves the same
• I can't understand a word that guy is saying
• Wait...he is going to shoot the guy who is helping them?  I don't get this rebellion group
• Why is it the Alliance hasn't replaced the Storm troopers since they are completely incompetent.  
• What is the line from Spaceballs because good is stupid?  Yeah...talking about you Jyn
• Didn't move any of those other bodies though huh?  Guess if you're laying down nothing can move a body
• Wait...shouldn't Vader be crying right now?  That is what Vader does right
• Is that Ackbar?  
• So there is a rebellion in the rebellion?
• A bunch of steam as the doors open seems like a horrible flaw for things like an ambush
• That scene was pointless, just to put C3PO in the flick
• instead of running from the AT-AT shouldn't you run toward it so it can't shoot you?
• Goodbye Porkins....oh wait are you saying that isn't this movie?  Are you sure?  Okay
• They are only NOW sending all those tie fighters out?  Why?  
• So they can build robots but they still use tape technology like in Hackers?
• Those ones have black armor, are they like level 2 storm troopers?
• Why is there wind in the data storage tower thing?
• Of course, the blind guy can do it because the force is with him, of course
• Why aren't they shooting the guy cradling his dead buddy?
• Wait....are the storm troopers actually able to shoot and kill people suddenly?
• Ah yes the Video Game moment
• So it only broadcasts if it straight up and down?  Why make it move then?
• And why put it out on the end of a giant bridge?
• Who designed this shit?
• So everyone dies?  
• Ah the second video game moment with Vader attacking the ship
• Well that was creepy!

Well that was a movie.  I think like most Star Wars it is over rated.  7.9 is too high, I guess I'll give it a 7/10.  It is average.  However the stupid character design and weird gimmicks with little to no reasoning bugged me.

And I'm sorry there are so many weird plot holes that I could drive an imperial cruiser through to give it any higher and honestly I am going to readjust and give it a 6/10.  Take in the average acting and that dropped the score down.  Sorry to fan boys out there that loved this flick but I just didn't.  I feel like there was stuff left out for me to understand.  Now you could argue that this was for star wars fans and they "know" all that was left out but that doesn't make a good movie.  

So give me your hate fan boys, I'll take it and love it!  LONG LIVE JAR JAR BINKS!!!