Pledge This!: A Movie Review

Hello again.  This is to remind you folks what I do for you my faithful readers!  I am watching #6 on the Bottom 100 as of March 15th, 2016.  That is right.  I am watching Pledge This!  It stars  Paris Hilton, Simon Rex and Paula Garcés.  "At South Beach University, a beautiful sorority president takes in a group of unconventional freshman girls seeking acceptance into her house."  I wonder if this will live up to #6.

• Oh my god, it starts with the worst voice over ever and some of the worst "freshmen" guys ever!  But one of them is married to Christina Hendricks so what do I know

• Good grief I'm three minutes in and it is awful
• Who thought putting Paris Hilton in a film was a good idea
• Good god this is bad!
• How does this have a 1.9 right now on IMDB?  If I could give it a 0
• Wow...remember when National Lampoon meant something good
• This...this is awful and I have no idea how this was made.  Makes Birdemic look like a classic
• Those girls are laughing while covered in shit?
• The worst voice overs EVER!  Paris Hilton is horrible
• Oh good god tell me this isn't going to happen...yep the dog...my god
• Pointer in my purple star fish?
• Feet are SO gross
• This guy is still a working actor?  HOW? HOW ARE ANY OF THESE PEOPLE?

• I heard that some of the actors in Troll 2 don't put the flick on their resume.  You couldn't pay me to claim I was in this flick!
• I've said I'd do almost anything for money but I wouldn't be in this movie.  
• Is he suppose to be the same person?  I'm so fucking confused
• Every time a new actor shows up they are worst then the last!
• Sofía Vergara must leave this off her resume.  I'm guessing she is more likely to leave Soul Plane on it

I shall start off with my rating.  1/10.  If I could give it a lower rating on IMDB I would but good god it as awful!  It might be the worst thing I've ever seen and I watched Special Dead.

I can't say anything good about this flick.  Not a damn thing.  The director, William Heins, should be ashamed.  If I had directed this film I wouldn't have allowed it to be distributed with my name on it. Honestly I'd rather watch Yeti: A Love Story on a 24 hour loop then this.

The editing was so bad there was basically a commercial break between a couple of scenes!  The acting was horrible.  The script made the acting worse.  

This is officially the worst thing I've ever seen.  Everyone involved should be ashamed.  I am ashamed for them and I'd gladly be in "bad" movies but this was a bad movie.  If you don't know the difference get away from my blog!

Son of the Mask; A movie review

 

My quest of the bottom 100 movies of all time on IMDB continues as this morning I sat down to watch Son of the Mask.  As of 4/24/16 it has a 2.2 on IMDB.  "Tim Avery, an aspiring cartoonist, finds himself in a predicament when his dog stumbles upon the mask of Loki. Then after conceiving an infant son "born of the mask", he discovers just how looney child raising can be."  I am sure this is as bad as it sounds but let delve into this...

• Ben Stein almost showed emotion in that scene
• So if you're playing Loki you have to be over the top hookie?  See what I did there?
• What am I doing watching this before 8am on a Sunday?
• Fringe City?  Edge City?  
• Is it bad to admit that I like Jamie Kennedy, but this film might change that!
• Wait Mario Mario is Odin?

• The casting in this flick is quite weird
• Good grief is this going to be just one bad pun after another
• Why is his voice different?
• How bad is a movie role that Jack Black turned it down?
• I do like this fact:  "When asked why he agreed to do the film, Jamie Kennedy's response was: "I'll give you 2.5 million reasons.""
• Alan Cumming choice of roles rivals Tim Curry
• This isn't "bad" as much as it is not good
• Why not hire a babysitter?  Oh right...no movie
• Oh no....the dog is going to put the mask on?  Really?
• Wow this dancing baby animation is horrible even by 2005 standards...wait this was made in 2005?
• Wow the Michigan J. Frog gimmick?  Really?  They should be ashamed!
• This dog is creepy as fuck

• Its like they took all the best Looney Toons bits and just ruined them
• Well that was just wrong!  Urine is not funny boys and girls
• Why does Cummings sound like Downey Jr. in this flick?
• Also why does Loki always look like an extra from the Matrix films?  Here and in the Avenger flicks too

• Of course he gets bit in the dick...of course
• Its like they took all those horrible live action Dr. Seuss flicks, threw in the bad live action Looney Toons and added some over the top acting and made this film
• Oh great a nice happy family ending
• And it ends with the WORST animation of all time, even worse then Cartoon Network Originals!

Well that was bad.  Not horrible but bad.  I give it a slightly better then IMDB 3/10.  Let me give you the positives of the film.  The acting was surprisingly not bad when they were given the chance to be actors and not these over the top cartoon characters.  Jamie, Alan and Traylor all did decent jobs with what they were given.  

However that is the extent of it.  The writing was down right awful most of the time.  You had horrible jokes and puns and I have no idea who they were trying to get to watch this flick.  Was it for kids with all the bad jokes, farts and animation?  Was it for fans of the first film?  I don't know because I can't imagine ANYONE really liking the film.  Looking at his credits it is mostly animation which is VERY different then a feature length film.  The story is a typical dad doesn't want a kid but gets one and is scared.  Mom leaves.  Hilarity ensues.  Throw in a norse god and you have an episode of King of Queens!  

Now onto the special effects.  The original film was out 11 years before this and effects wise nothing changed.  I actually think the original film looked better!  Look at this picture:

Does it scream 2005 to you?  More like 1995 right!  It is horrible and the dog above...I'll have nightmares...and even the Crocodile Hunter movie didn't do that...yes I saw it...don't judge me.

So overall this was bad.  It took an okay movie and made it worse which is hard to do.  Not a complete train wreck but pretty close.  If you're really hard up for "entertainment" check it out.  

My quest continues as that is 19 out of the current 100.  I should remind you that it will only be the English spoken films I'm watching as I don't feel I can judge a Bollywood film.  I have a review for the Paris Hilton classic Pledge This written up from weeks ago so expect that in the next few days as well.  Until next time, remember I suffer through these films because I hate myself!

Inside Out: The Movie Review

I'm back boys and girls and this time I'm checking out the Pixar flick Inside Out.  I've been wanting to check this flick out for a while and its that time finally.  It stars Amy Poehler, Bill Hader and Lewis Black.  "After young Riley is uprooted from her Midwest life and moved to San Francisco, her emotions - Joy, Fear, Anger, Disgust and Sadness - conflict on how best to navigate a new city, house, and school."

• Interesting that Joy is the one in control for this young girl.  I think everyone knows who is in change for my mind...yep disgust....okay anger...its anger...ARE YOU HAPPY MAKING ME ADMIT IT!
• Wait, they didn't know about the move?  Did the parents spring it on Reilly all at once?
• San Fransisco did ruin pizza!
• I like the idea of the personalities each being a person in my head.  Explains the voices...
• Well that was unexpected.  I wonder how often my emotions argue with themselves.  
• For the record, I'm often happy when I'm angry
• Thus far not a lot of random comments to this film.  Sorry folks.
• The loss of imagination is horrible
•  Clowns are so creepy
• Well this explains my lack of joy
• Wow San Fran is REALLY foggy
• Pixar just sits around trying to find ways to make people sad now don't they?  I blame UP
• Oh Bing-Bong

In what is unusual for me is I am not sure what to say.  A lot of this hits a little close to home, as it does with everyone, which just shows how great of story tellers Pixar and the team are.  Short but sweet if you didn't see this flick go out of your way to go see it.  That is all

400 Days: A Movie Review

I am back folks.  Told you I would be!  This time I watched the flick 400 Days.  It stars Brandon Routh, Dane Cook and Caity Lotz.  "With their four hundred day mission simulation nearing completion, four astronauts begin to feel that something is amiss."  It was made by SyFy but not a made for TV flick.  Enough of this stuff, lets start the fun!

• Roth as a drunk is so weird after watching him on Arrow and Legends and Chuck.  
• Damn I just want to punch Dane Cook in the face!
• White Canary is in this too?  I think Wells is as well.  Its like a DC Universe trial run!
• Gross recycled pee!
• That really is some simulation
• I'd love to go into this type situation/experiment/simulation
• Roth's girlfriend, White Canary, has been part of the experiment all along
• He named the mouse?
• Damn Cooks character is a jerk!
• I feel like this is one of the vaults in Fallout
• And Cook is quite the hound in all ways
• This is quite interesting and I think would make an fascinating real life experiment
• Oh yeah White Canary is in on it.  We have yet to see her take one of her shots
• Well that was unsettling
• Wait...this is a SyFy flick?  It isn't bad for a TV SyFy flick
• Wait again...perhaps not a SyFy TV movie...who knows
• Is it still Earth?
• My guess it that they moved them to some sound stage type place
• Obviously not the moon, because they could breath
• No other known planet has oxygen
• Tranquility huh?
• Why are there still lights on
• Damn Wells is creepy as sin
• The moon got exploded?
• Roth has made a few mistakes:  Never should have opened the main hatch.  Should have left half the crew at ship.  Never follow a map to the only place in miles you can see that has lights
• Of course the lights go out now
• Is it possible this is all a bad dream of Roths
• ITS PEOPLE!  THE SOUP IS PEOPLE!
• Still think White Canary is in on this
• Busted!  Sorry White Canary
• That is how you end it?

Well that was interesting.  Lets start with a rating.  I give it a 6/10.  It isn't bad at all but the ending left a bad taste in my mouth...well the lack of an ending.  

I found the film to be really enjoyable till the very end where the lack of an ending disturbed me.  I realize that to some extent we all continue the stories of movies in our mind often. but in this case we didn't get an ending, a resolution.  

I get what they were doing.  They were allowing us to come to our own conclusion.  Was it all like Cook said, part of the experiment?  Were they all in on it?  I mean yes Roth did seeming cripple one and possibly kill the other but that's it.  We don't see Canary kill Wells.  We don't see anything happen to Cook and the Bug character.  So it is possible that it was all part of the test.  

The acting was great as you'd imagine with the cast.  Hell even Cook wasn't bad!  There were a few scifi classic references in there as well.  From a pure film making stand point there wasn't any major flaws.

From a story telling stand point there were a few.  I felt the history of Bug's character could have been better and things were missing.  Also I feel like some of the thing that we were expected or pushed to look into were then never explained.  The shots.  The pills Canary was taking.  Why was Canary trying to contact mission control on her own stressing she was alone.  Too many loose ends with a flick only 90 minutes.  Another 10 or 15 minutes to explain things.

Overall not a bad flick at all.  If you're bored find a copy of it.  

V/H/S Viral: A movie review

I am back boys and girls after an extended absence.  I've had a lot of changes in my life but I will return to trying to do these once a week or so!  Today I return with V/H/S: Viral.  "A Los Angeles police chase sends a fame-obsessed man on a wild ride to save his girlfriend from a cybernetic terror."  That is one of the stories in this.  There is one about a magician and others as well.  

• Is this Cloverfield with less talented actors?
• Well this is weird.
• I think I've seen the weird phone call message thing before...oh right Stephen King has a whole book about it!
• Dante is pretty cool!
• Real magic would be SO cool
• So you sacrifice a few people, you have to break a few eggs to make an omelet right.
• Is that an ice cream truck they're chasing?  Is that what is hypnotizing people?  Is his girlfriend now in the truck?  I'm confused
• well that is kind of gross and violent!  My feet hurt
• Uggg, subtitles
• A dimensional portal?  COOL!
• So....parallel universe Marta is a call girl
• Maybe not....I'm not sure exactly what is going on here.  Demon ritual perhaps
• Well that is unsettling.  Glowing eyes and mouths are never good!
• Well I didn't see that coming...
• Parallel Universes are weird!
• Wait...did I turn on Teeth instead?
• This flick is weird as shit!
• I hate skateboarders!
• I hope all these skateboard people DIE!
• OH SHIT!  IT HATE THE CAMERA!
• Well this camera man is REALLY creepy
• This is one strange ass movie!  I thought the first one was weird but wow!
• And we have the return of feet guy!
• WHAT THE FUCK?

Okay that was fucked up!  I mean it isn't suppose to be normal but good grief that was behind weird! Magnet is full of weird movies but man this is up there.  The dick and vagina monsters were right up there with some of the weirdest things I've seen in a movie.

I guess I need to give it a rating huh?  I don't know...I guess I'll go with 4 out 10.  It wasn't horrible but a lot of unknown/left to your own ideas in this which I didn't like.

The acting was okay at best although the magician storyline was pretty good and the storyline itself was great and the acting was very good as well.  If that wasn't there I don't know if I would have rated this flick so high.

It is currently on Netflix and I'd check it out there.  Other then that I'm not sure if it is worth paying for.

Movies you might see reviews of in the near future include 400 Days and Zombies vs. Bigfoot!  Let me know if my dozens and dozens of fans have a flick they want to see reviewed and I'll gladly do it.  Until next time, which hopefully won't be as long...Abyssinia!!