Movie Review: Bottom 100: Laserblast

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you have come across this entry.  Today, 12/31/17, I am watching the bottom 100 flick Laserblast!  "A teenager stumbles upon an alien weapon, which transforms him into a grotesque killer."  It stars Kim Milford, Cheryl Smith and Gianni Russo.  It currently has a rating of 2.5 with 4890 votes.

• My wife says it has green lettering it has to be bad...we shall see!
• Roddy McDowell is in this
• I'm just going to quote my wife "Why does he look like Mick Jagger"
• I've seen worse CGI in modern SyFy flicks
• That is an "ET Dinosaur" according to my better half
• I'm sorry now it is a Mick Jagger Zombie
• 70's pants and ass
• "My mom still has that luggage" - Wife
• Is that his mom?
• Wow...the dialog is AMAZING!

• The 70's, when shirts were optional EVERYWHERE!  This guy has not had one on yet
• What is on the back of the van...a turkey?
• So the "col." is wasted/high/shell shocked right?
• Cops were almost always fat and stupid in 70's movies
• Yes red neck honky tonk music for the cops!
• Yeah...how is your momma these days?
• Why does he have bigfoot prints on his van?
• Jeebus cars flipped easier in the 70's I guess
• He is going to race...in a van?
• Best laugh in movie HISTORY!!!
• The gun shoots on its own?
• Is that a potato gun?
• Is this guy a pre-teen?
• Looks a little like a penis pump....I heard....um....
• Why the sudden music?
• You can tell they are aliens; they only have three fingers
• Is that guy a man in black?
• That is a lot of skin for the deserts
• Is that the mothers of dragons?
• Is that cake or a pancake?
• France exploded their 28th atom bomb?  Really?
• Oh a rape scene....how nice....with the nerds?
• Watch out...he has a tennis racket...like Jim Cornette!

• Those are some 70's shorts or Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders
• That laser gun is giving that guy an orgasm I think!
• Yep he was a man in black
• That was a Star Trek panel!
• So he is full zombie with a laser gun now

Yeah that flick was bad.  I mean it was just bad!  The dialog was bad and the acting was bad.  I do not have much to say about this flick.  DO NOT WATCH IT!!

Movie Review: Kangaroo Jack

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening....whenever it is you have found this review.  Today, 9/29/17, I am checking out the flick Kangaroo Jack for some reason.  Why?  I do not know>  I remember that the flick made me laugh when I saw it in the theaters...but that was a while ago and I often laugh at horrible things.  "Two childhood friends, a New York hairstylist and a would-be musician, get caught up with the mob and are forced to deliver $50,000 to Australia, but things go haywire when the money is lost to a wild kangaroo."  It stars Anthony Anderson, Jerry O'Connell and Estella Warren.  It currently has a 4.4/10 with 25,044.

• Did this become Borderlands?
• Seriously?  This is the music for this scene?
• Does he actually think he can outrun the cops in that panel van?
• Oh how the career of Anthony Anderson has grown
• Oh Christopher Walken...why
• How...who....did I laugh at this before?
• Oh...because they want you to think that they are talking about poopy...
• Did someone on speed edit this?
• Of course this song is in the flick
• What?  What was Jerry O'Connell just doing?
• How did he not see that kangaroo?
• Okay...Anthony still makes me laugh
• Banger short of a barbie?  
• What is the point of these weird scenes with kangaroo and the random noises?
• Okay, I hate to admit it this is still making me laugh, especially Anthony Anderson
• He can fly just fine after those drinks
• He does look friendly
• Why did they put their shirts back on?  EDITING!
• Michael Shannon is strange looking...well more than usual
• Grits?  Chicken and waffles?
• I hate that I laugh at this horrible acting and what not
• Yep, grabbing boobs is the first thing I do when I see things in the desert
• Chicken blood!
• Yep, nothing says family flick like groping and chicken blood
• More poop/fart humor?  Really?
• Really a training Training Montage?  
• Why did the guys take their shirts off but she didn't?
• Did I suddenly switch to a Michael Bay flick?
• These experienced mobsters didn't notice the guy had scissors in his pants?
• These guys are morons!
• Really?  I don't think those camels are going to catch up with that roo...but what do I know
• And according to Google I am wrong, camels can run faster than roos
• Looks just like they are really on the cliff....
• Worst pick up shots ever, didn't even look like she was in the same place
• Yep, retard is family friendly!

Well at least the flick is short.  That is really the only thing I can good about it.  That isn't true. O'Connell and Anderson did actually have good chemistry.  I felt like they were life long friends.  On top of that I felt the writing between those two felt right.  The two act pretty much just like I do with my best friend.  Then there was the rest of the movie (to paraphrase Paul Harvey)

The script itself was horrible and the acting felt phoned in like actors knew this was a trainwreck while they performed.  The affects were horrible and they must have forced all the Jacky Legs Kangaroo crap in at the end (I just looked on IMDB and that basically said they did after Snow Dogs).

That being said I still laughed at the stupid stuff more then I'd care to admit but I did.  For that I give it a 6/10, and that is only because O'Connell and Anderson felt so real.  Aside from that it is not a good flick.  

Bottom 100 Movie Review: Devil Fish

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you have come across this review.  Today I am checking out the Bottom 100 flick Devil Fish.  As of 12/03/17 it is #97 with 2.4 rating with 2681 votes.  It stars Michael Sopkiw, Valentine Monnier and Gianni Garko.  "A marine biologist, a dolphin trainer, a research scientist, and a local sheriff try to hunt down a large sea monster, a shark/octopus hybrid, that is devouring swimmers and fishermen off a south Florida coast."  FYI:  I could not find a real trailer for this flick...probably not a good sign!

• Monster Shark?  I thought this was called Devil Fish...it cannot even get its name right?  Good grief maybe I should have viewed this at home with a bottle of rum!
• Wow those coast guard guys are well trained what with the yelling as they jump 10 feet...if that
• And I would think they would have better masks then that, I think I did as a kid in our pool!
• cheese 80's stash, very nice!
• Donald and Minnie?  Why mix the names
• With it coming right at the boat it sure didn't do anything to said boat
• JESUS!  Did you see the arms on Cortez!
• 80's acting was really the peak of acting
• Awesome back talk!
• 80's background music was great too
• That is 80's hair at its best...and I think my mom's hair cut now.....
• There are the 80's boobs, no reason for them but there they are
• Did he just tell her to "croak"?  
• I feel like the video game girl is very close to underage
• Is this softcore porn?
• That water was a lot deeper that he was in....wasn't it?
• How would they get the size?
• The actors cannot keep their accents straight!
• The seaquarium?
• That might be the most advanced tech possible in 1984
• They need to fiddle with knobs a lot back in the 80's
• Why was he trying to save the guy BEFORE he flatlined?
• Protosharks?
• So it is part shark part squid?
• 12 Ton boat?
• WTF kind of bathing suit is that?
• What kind of beer cans are those?
• There is a killer prehistoric fish in the water killing people...lets go for a swim!
• This might be the worst paced movie I have seen for a while
• And another random love scene....
• Probably should yell behind you BEFORE the tentacle grabs him...just a thought
• I think that computer is related to K-9
• This flick might be the longer 90 minutes ever
• Ah yes the shot of the guy walking through the office
• Of course it is just a guy creating it
• Too old for science?  Does that happen?
• And the award for best death scene goes to Dr. Davis!
• A monster killer fish is on the way....so why not be in the water....uggg movie logic sometimes
• Probably shouldn't have drug him through the water just in case
• How did it get get dark so suddenly?
• How did they lose the GIANT MONSTER FISH?
• Uggg, the logic is driving me insane!
• That is how they decided to end the flick huh?

This movie isn't bad as much as it is campy and dumb.  I think the ratings are about right, I give it a 3/10.  It is right on the cusp of being one of the bottom 100 flicks I have seen but not sure if I would put it on the list.  Borderline for sure.

The effects are campy but it was the 80's.  The acting is campy but was the 80's.  I mean the entire thing screams of 80's movie to be honest.  There is nothing horrible about it nothing good.  Like a few of the bad movies I have watched lately, it is not bad enough to laugh at and not quite campy enough to be enjoyable.  It was just there for me unfortunately.  

Overall if you are into bad movies I guess this one fits but there are more enjoyable bad movies out there!  

Movie Review: Star Wars Last Jedi

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening....whenever it is you have come across this review.  Today I'm talking about the latest in the never-ending Star Wars series...thank you Disney!

THE UGLY

There isn't a lot I can put in here.  My biggest complaint is that it is long.  I feel that it needs to have between 20-30 minutes shaved off.  I would not cut any scenes completely but several of them could have been shortened.  I call them the "Star Wars" scenes where they do long panning shots of several weird creatures to fit into the world.

THE BAD

The writing and acting is still lacking but note nearly as bad as Episode 1-3.  What is sad is that it is the main actors that suffer the most.  Ben and Rey are the two that suffer the most from the bad writing I think.  Several times during their interactions it felt...I guess I would say forced.  Unlike some of the other actors the interactions just did not feel real.  It is too bad because you get glimpses from Rey that there is more there but then the bad writing and what I call "Gal Godat" face, you know the one where it is anger/bitch face no matter what the scene calls for.  Rey suffers from that to a certain extent.  It is also weird to say that the two main characters are also, in my opinion, the two worst performers in the flick.

It is weird that Godat is like that in the movies because she isn't outside of the movies

THE GOOD

The one thing that struck me in this flick was that the pacing, for the most part, was very good.  While I said it was long the pacing was very well done.  At no point was I begging for it to end which is good for me.  I find that anything over 90 minutes and I start to get antsy most of the time.  I thought that Mark Hamill and Domhnall Gleeson, who is General Hux, were easily the stars in my opinion.  Gleeson was fantastic and I am not sure I have seen him in anything else.

The story itself was a nice departure from Star Wars where it actually felt like there was a story here.  Unlike 7 this felt like a new story.  Sure it had elements of all Star Wars film but one thing about these flicks is that they do have the basics of story telling down well, even if often paint by numbers in my opinion.

Looking for pictures and what not from the film I might have been a little hard on Rey and her facial expressions.  While watching the film I felt like she made one or two faces and that was it.  I could be wrong there.

Bottom line is that this was easily my favorite Star Wars flick.  While that is like saying you are the thinest kid at fat camp it is still some praise!

Over on IMDB it currently has a 7.8 (as of 12/19/17) and I agree it is between a 7 and a 8.  Since I am pretty hard on these flicks and I did enjoy it I will go on the over and say 8.  Worth checking out because it is a good film with a good story and decent acting.  It made me interested in the next flick, number 9, so it did its job.  

Good grief I forgot one major thing in the ugly!  At no point, not once, did Hamill laugh like the Joker. I am sorry but if I hear Hamill and do NOT get to hear the Joker laugh that is a major ugly moment for me!

Movie Review: Dead Sushi

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you have come across this entry.  Today I am checking out a flick that my lovely wife suggested to me.  She knows my love for bad movies and she found the 2012 flick Dead Sushi.  As of 12/06/17 it has a 5.8 out of 10 with 1018 votes. It stars  Rina Takeda, Kentarô Shimazu and Takamasa Suga.  "Keiko, the daughter of a legendary sushi chef, runs away from home when his Karate-style regimen becomes too severe. Finding work at a rural hot springs inn, she is ridiculed by the eccentric staff and guests."  What this had to do with dead sushi I have no idea!  But I have always said I will watch just about any flick suggested to me (there are limits....look at you Human Centipede flicks).  So lets delve into the world of....DEAD SUSHI!

• Raw fish is really gross looking!
• 11 years to learn how to make sushi?  Really?  
• Wait...so sushi is made by ninjas?  That...makes it slightly more interesting 
• It seems really unclean to do marital arts around food
• Did he just say women smell like fish?  
• Of course there are pervy business men
• That janitor guy is creepy
• "You have nice hand you know that?"  
• Penalty?  A kiss? 
• Those are some kissing sounds alright
• Shouldn't they be kung fu fighting?  Is that wrong of me to say?
• Did he just throw shrimp...nope it was a squid
• He just got tongued by his girlfriend!
• This movie is really creepy with the male/female dynamic
• Wow these guys REALLY like sushi and its making
• That guy was looking at that sushi very...um....sexually
• Seriously these people REALLY like sushi
• The Von Erichs would be proud of that Iron Claw!
• They are going to kill the sushi chef?
• He was going to kill her for saying his sushi was bad?
• YES!  Gang fight over sushi!  
• Right in the salmon roll!
• We need an American Version of this....over...um...chicken wings!
• Best still shot ever in a movie?

• Is he going to inject himself?  Nope...the squid....reminds me a bit of One Eyed Monster
• Why can the squid fly?
• Did she just fart after getting headbutted to the butt?
• Did that squid just...um...you know have sex with that fatty Tuna roll?
• Yep, that squid is getting freaky
• I wonder if this is where they got the idea for Attack of the Killer Donuts
• Why did she stick her tongue out?  
• Good grief...pervy guys of course
• Is that struggling or dancing?
• Fear of knives...interesting
• Maybe he did inject himself
• YES!  MORE KISSING SOUNDS!
• A Japanese kiss that uses an egg?  OH MY GOD!  THAT IS DISGUSTING!
• Gives the Clerks scene about snowballing a completely different meaning....
• Is the sushi suppose to be singing?
• Yet more farting
• Yep the sushi sings...this is a weird flick
• They got over their embarrassment pretty quickly
• LEGENDARY ROBOT DANCE!!!!
• Its warm?  Is sushi suppose to be warm?
• That...is a lot of blood
• He just cut off his own nose and lips
• Something got in there?  GOOD GRIEF!
• Nosaka....good plan!
• He became a giant tuna....and somehow has a giant axe
• Well those are random boobs
• Baby sushi?
• Good grief shut up egg sushi!
• Rice sushi zombies....nice
• Longest 400 yards ever
• The sushi had a flame thrower!  SEARED SUSHI!
• That is a barn?
• He understands these things because he grew up poor?  Yeah I don't understand either Keiko
• That was a lot of rice she had in her mouth!
• YES!  HE GRABBED THE KNIFE!
• Sushi-chucks!  YES!
• A lot of snowballing in this flick.....
• Special Sushi Roll....not what I was expecting....its just a weird CGI Sushi roll battle ship....
• That was a tranquilizer?  Really?  
• This flick is really weird!
• The subtitles are cracking me up; much funnier than the English sometimes.  
• BEST RUN EVER!!

That flick was very fun!  It was just the right amount of camp and overacting without being just stupid.  The CGI was horrible but I think it is suppose to be.

I give it a 7/10 because it knew what it was and embraced it.  Like Attack of the Killer Donuts and Zombeavers it is exactly what it should be.  

I had both subtitles and English soundtrack and they bother were entertaining.  The voice of the evil business man was so fantastic!  Evil in the campy way.

I would suggest people hunting this flick down because it was fun and entertaining and just weird enough to make you shake your head!

Movie Review: Empire of the Sharks

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you have come across todays entry.  Today, 12/02/17, I am checking out the Syfy/Asylum flick Empire of the Sharks.  It currently has a rating of 2.9 with 271 people rating it.  It stars John Savage, Jack Amstrong and Thandi Sebe.  "On a future earth where 98% of the surface is underwater, a Warlord who controls an army of sharks meets his match when he captures the daughter of a mysterious shark caller."  An army of sharks?  How can this be bad!

• My god, Big Ben is underwater...should I care?
• Slow boat or slowest boat?
• You can own the ocean?  
• Is it that hard to make salt water drinkable?
• Is Mr. Scream drunk...or it is Mason Scrim
• Where is Freddy Kruger to make a power glove joke?

• Wait...he'll go deeper...than the sharks?
• Yes hide the time keeping device next to your boobs...they kidnappers will NEVER look there
• Probably can't save the girl if EVERYONE knows you are there
• The most realistic looking sharks EVER!
• Wait...they took the girls...to be regular slaves?  What kind of warlord is this?  Healthy male workers seem better for that kind of job....is that sexist of me?
• Yep because pearls would still be valuable in a world without clean water.....
• So the sunstone means she can call sharks....okay
• He is the least intimidating hero ever
• Serious cheddar?  Who talks like that?
• There is the Asylum over-the-top acting!  LOVE IT!
• The captain chick is not a good actress...but then again compared to most of the people here she isn't bad
• This kid has no idea what he is doing?  Worst plan ever, why not just take the supplies in himself?
• ARMY OF SHARKS!
• Man the CGI is awesome
• Some day I want to own the ocean like this warlord.  I believe that is called life goals
• Oh shit....the power glove failed!
• How does the power glove work I would like to know
• This is actually a really boring Asylum flick sadly
• Scrim is so over the top it is fun
• Nice they threw in a hammerhead
• I think there is a T-Rex around the way the water is rippling
• That was the dumbest way to jump in the water I've ever seen
• Yeah teaching her how to control the sharks wasn't the best idea there warlord man
• He even makes his own sound effects...awesome!
• The sharks sure can breach in the future
• Those gloves won't still work without hands sunshine
• Is she a mermaid?  
• Wait...are they a frat now?  Is she going to start spanking people with that paddle?
• They had a shark caller to trainer her...so they have a shark caller?  I'm confused by this
• And why do all that bullshit if she can just do it?  

Well that was a disappointing flick even by Asylum standards to be honest.  It wasn't campy enough to be enjoyable and not bad enough to be laughable...it was just there and fell flat.

Overall I think the 2.9 is a little high and I give it a 2/10.  Usually I try to find something good to say about a film but this just did not have anything unfortunately. Usually Asylum flicks are campy B movie fun but this was not.  I read that this came out during Sharknado week so I feel like they just threw a script together and put it out there without really working on it.  

I cannot say to check this flick out.  Save your bad movie viewing time for others.  

Movie Review: Zombie Honeymoon

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening....whenever it is that you have come across this entry.  Today (11/27/17) I am checking out the 2004 flick Zombie Honeymoon.  Its stars Tracy Coogan, Graham Sibley and Tonya Cornelisse.  " Zombie Honeymoon is a gore-soaked exploration of how far the boundaries of true love can be pushed without reaching a breaking point."  Lets find out if the honeymoon is over for this flick!

• We start off with the gross zombie eating noises
• That is really loud music for the dead walking....and an awesome red wedding dress
• Classy, gotta get some road driving from the wedding!
• How dare they film me out running!
• who cooks in their underwear?  That is how you get burns!
• ITS AQUAMAN!  DC get your lawyers ready
• Wait....did that kill Danny?
• I wouldn't let that "doctor" treat my sick house plant!
• We tried everything...we did the paddles that shock him...what else could we try?
• You notice he isn't burned where the skin is pealing...I guess she doesn't
• He is getting a little bitie in his love making
• Dying and coming back to life doesn't at least get you an overnight stay in the hospital?  Health care companies are out of control!
• Wait...does her accent change at different times?
• Why would they know about the guy in his hospital room?
• Did this director get tips from the Birdemic director about how exciting watching people drive is
• Is he eating the guy in the shower...and I don't mean it like that you sickos!
• Its not what she thinks?  What else could it be?
• Nothing is more exciting then a cleaning montoge
• Wine out of plastic cups...this couple is classy!
• This might be the most boring horror movie of all time
• Seriously can these guys not keep their accents straight?
• That is some awesome makeup and outfit!
• Nobody notices the guy covered in blood on the boardwalk?  That is strange
• Yesterday?  Its been at least two days
• Why did he ring the doorbell at his own house?
• He kept the roommates head in the closet?  Why?
• Worst hiding place ever?
• So no one went and looked for those cops that he ate?

Honestly this is the most boring horror flick I have seen for a while.  Nothing happens in it and it is 83 minutes long.  I mean the end changes a bit but overall it is just boring.  Over on IMDB it has a 4.7/10 with 2,217 votes.  I think that is a little high, I think I'd go with a 3/10.  

I will say the gross eating sounds was a little much for me.  There was also a little too much when it came to filler for me.  The Birdemic like shots of her driving around and just her sitting there listening to him feed.  

Overall I would NOT suggest this flick to sit through.  There is not enough good and it is not campy enough to enjoy for that.  It is just plain boring and a waste of time in my humble opinion.

Until next time...remember to dodge the black sludge that comes out of a zombies mouth!

Movie Review: Batman and Harley Quinn

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you have come across this entry.  Today I'm checking out DC Animated Universe flick Batman and Harley Quinn.  It stars Kevin Conroy, Melissa Rauch and Paget Brewster. "Batman and Nightwing are forced to team with the Joker's sometimes-girlfriend Harley Quinn to stop a global threat brought about by Poison Ivy and Jason Woodrue, the Floronic Man."  Kevin Conroy is in it as Batman so the worst this could possible get is a 5....lets see how this goes.

• That is Birdgirls voice!  YOU'RE DEAD TO ME CAN OPENER!
• YES!  Kevin is the voice of Batman...this already is feels right
• Well these are interesting opening credits
• Swamp Thing?
• Why would you ever parole Harley?  EVER!
• Anderson is....creepy
• Nightwing just walks around the streets in his costume?
• I'm surprised no one has actually created this Hooters inspired resturant
• I do not like Harley's voice.  nope...not one bit
• She just called Mr. J an asshat...nope...that ain't right
• Dear lord...are they implying that Harley is going to rape Nightwing?
• Oh no...Harley didn't put a sock on the door!
• Why would they need to put in a word with the parole board?  She is already paroled
• Did they just leave the batmobile to chase them on foot?
• Hand goes up mouth goes shut!
• Honestly?  Fart jokes...I am not sure about this
• Nice call back to a lot of Animated Series badies
• Wait...it is Harley singing and not Batman?  Did these people not watch Justice League and how good Conroy can sing.
• Wait...that giant clown was a robot wasn't it?  I mean it drove Mr. J's boat in that one episode and I thought it was a robot....guess not
• Really?  "Oh, my balls"
• Booster Gold?
• Kevin Michael Richards is a great voice actor!
• It is sad that the DC Animated Universe is so much better then their cinematic one
• Can you eat yams raw?
• I guess Harley's real voice actor retired but this voice is just annoying
• The ground just burped after eating that guy....
• The tone of this flick continually changes; its...weird
• Why are they still shooting with Nightwing on Floronic's back?  He isn't bullet proof!
• Really?  Crying is going to stop Ivy?
• WTF?  Swamp Thing is a fucking giant?
• Wait...that is the end?  

Okay....that was...disappointing.  The writing was horrible and Harley's voice was just annoying.  I give it a 6/10.

The concept of Harley trying to go straight and being forced to help out is a good one.  The idea it is against Ivy, who on the Animated Series had a friendship with Harley, was also a good one.  The use of a lot of the things from the Animated Series is good.  

But the writing was so inconstant.  You had series scenes like when the doctor died but then you have Harley farting in the Batmobile.  You have Ivy doing something drastic to a series issue but then have her also going into the "green" and getting high to travel through the green.  It just made no sense.

And good grief how I did I forget how great Kevin Michael Richardson is?  One of my favorite voice actors out there!

I am sorry to say it is only a 6/10 because I really like most of the DCAU things.  Honestly I didn't hate this but good grief it was like watching several shows smashed together.  If you like the DCAU check it out but don't check it out looking for something great.

Movie Review: Fiddler on the Roof

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever you have found this entry.  Today (9/27/17) I am checking out the musical Fiddler on the Roof.  It stars Topol, Norma Crane and Leonard Frey. "In prerevolutionary Russia, a Jewish peasant contends with marrying off three of his daughters while growing anti-Semitic sentiment threatens his village."  As of today it has an 8/10 with 31,909 votes

• Good grief, 3 blessed hours?  What is this possibly the greatest work of fantasy fiction of all time?  
• What kind of a nut job fiddles on a roof?  
• Why is it tradition is good sometimes and other times it is bad not to evolve?
• How to wear clothes?  That isn't HOW to wear clothes, that is WHAT to wear...nut job
• These are some weird look people!
• I always thought that Zero was in this flick, maybe just the broadway show
• The Fiddle is a horrible sounding instrument at times
• Bald!  GROSS!  DISGUSTING!
• I already feel like this is going to be a three hour bad episode of Seinfeld
• His name is Motel?  Just like in Trailer Park Boys!
• But...you just said....you didn't want a match...unless I'm already confused who is who
• I believe I am...yep I was
• That just ruined all those clothes....
• Why does the one kid have red hair....did they sell her soul?  
• WHERE THE HELL DID THOSE OTHER KIDS COME FROM?
• I agree with Tevye, that is what I think "God" does with me.  Press the Gene button as I used to call it
• Nice they used the Christina Aguilera song (A joke people)
• Gross, fowl smell horrible!
• MY GOD HE IS HAVING A FIT WHILE SINGING!  PUT A WALLET IN HIS MOUTH!
• So he is socialist?
• Yeah I feel like Tavye
• Did the writer get paid for every time a character said Sabbath?
• I will say this flick is moving at a decent clip
• Wait....that is the guy that wants to marry the 19 year old?
• I don't know what that was but I'd like to a shot or two 
• Hell she'll be a widow in 5 years
• Dancing is so...weird
• Good grief, that fiddler looks like he is waiting to rape and kill someone...and doesn't matter if it is male or female!
• That is the second dumbest dance I've seen!
• How can she grow old?  He is as old as her dad!
• This kid from Kiev is an annoying idealist
• That song was just horrible!  It is a miracle I didn't vomit
• Wow some of these scenes just drag on and on
• How many story lines does this flick have?
• I feel like Robin Williams should be here somewhere
• Bearded people do play with their beards a lot
• Wait...should the men be dancing with men?  
• Is that the rabbi's underwear?
• Well this escalated quickly
• Hodel, isn't that the name of the giant in Game of Thrones?
• Why aren't they speaking Russian?
• Still 45 minutes?
• This second half of the flick, since Motel's wedding hasn't exactly been real bright and cheery
• He has a lot of hands....
• Yep, this turned into a laugh a minute
• I'm officially bored
• Just following orders...but then again can I blame people who said that?
• Are they going to end it with the entire boat going down, because that is the mood this flick is having

Well that became a true laugh riot didn't it!  I guess I'll start with my personal rating.  I'm going to go below the curve and give it a 6/10.  I'll be honest it was long.  LOOOONG!  That is my biggest gripe about it.  Dear lord I felt like I had a birthday during this flick.  

It is also a bit depressing at the end isn't it?  It makes me sad that these things actually happened in life.  Both the daughter/father thing and the kicking of the people out of their house.

I don't have a lot to say about the flick other then that.  It is what it is.  

Movie Review: Bottom 100: Meet the Spartans

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is that you have come across this entry.  Today, 10/09/17, I am checking out a bottom 100 flick, #99 as of today, Meet the Spartans.  It stars Sean Maguire, Kevin Sorbo and Carmen Electra.  "The heroic Spartan king Leonidas, armed with nothing but leather underwear and a cape, leads a ragtag bunch of 13 Spartan misfit warriors to defend their homeland against thousands".  It currently has a 2.7 out of 10 with 92,906 votes.  I think I have seen this before so I am going to punish myself one more time for my dozens and dozens of readers.  The things I do for you people!

• Oh good grief...what am I doing to myself?
• These jokes are dated!  I mean so much so that people won't understand them 
• Really?  I don't think we needs to see shots of his balls 
• So this is the comedy of this flick huh?  This flick is already too long!
• 4 minutes in and already two balls jokes?  Really?
• Really mocking Anna Nicole's death?
• I am ashamed this movie was made and I had nothing to do with it!
• I never noticed Carmen had such weird/bad teeth
• Is this going to be one long gay joke?
• Okay that name was funny, Traitoro
• Why does "Britney" have a British Accent?  Or was that a Southern Accent
• I don't even know who that guy with the hair was!
• This pit of death joke should go into the pit of death!
• Yep gay jokes
• He is right, this isn't funny!
• Is it wrong that I already want to give this a 1
• I want to cut my own throat right now instead of finishing this, seriously this is awful
• Wait...he doesn't have any balls anymore?
• A cheap ripoff of 300 would actually be good compared to this dreck
• Did I say I'm ashamed this movie was made yet?
• My god....
• I can't believe they didn't screen this for critics....it would have killed most
• Seriously one gay joke would have been okay but so far every scene....really?
• I don't get it...Paris Hilton...
• Can you believe this flick was filmed in a week?  I can't because it couldn't have taken that long!
• I'd rather be watching one of those stupid dance battle flicks I think
• Yeah this flick is getting a 1, only because I can't give it a negative number
• Another reality show reference?
• But aren't all Spartans gay in this flick?
• Yet another gay joke....
• Seriously? 
• I wish I couldn't see or hear 
• You honestly couldn't pay me enough to be in this movie....no amount of money 
• I still don't get the Paris Hilton thing
• I still have 34 minutes of this shit?
• Is this a movie scene or did they stumble upon Carmen off camera?  
• There we go, it'd been a while since we had a balls joke
• And there we have yet another gay joke, excellent
• I wonder if anyone laughed at this movie
• Thank god they explained that "joke"
• Once again if you have to explain the jokes that much it is a bad joke
• If he is dead why another 20 minutes?
• Again aren't they all gay?
• So many crotch blurs
• This stupid dance scene probably took up two or three days of filming which probably should've been spent working on the script!
• Why would they want to eat at Hooters?
• So they didn't put these scenes in the movie but it is so bad and short they had to extend the credits?
• Thank god an Episode of Psych is next in my queue! (laughed more in the first 5 minutes then in the 80 minutes of this flick for the record!)

That...that was one of the most painful yet.  I honestly don't know why I didn't shut it off.  Yes I do because I assumed it couldn't be this bad the entire time...and it was.  It was maybe the most unfunny thing I've seen in my entire life.  Well that and all of their other movies.  Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer are perhaps the most unfunny people in Hollywood.  They have a Star Wars spoof coming out according to IMDB and I wish I could already give it a 1.  

Seriously do not watch this shit, I am ashamed it was made an that anyone watched it.  It actually made 8 million dollars which is even worse. Avoid this and anything by these idiots!

Movie Review: Rogue One

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening....whenever it is you have found todays entry.  Today, 10/10/17, I am checking out the Star Wars Rogue One flick.  It stars Felicity Jones, Diego Luna and Alan Tudyk.  "The Rebel Alliance makes a risky move to steal the plans for the Death Star, setting up the epic saga to follow."  I am not a huge fan of Star Wars but we will see if I like this one...I'm hoping for some Jar Jar love here, the best character in Star Wars history (yes...let me feel your hate!)  Oh it has a 7.9 on IMDB with 366,603 votes (I'm surprised it is that low, I figured all the Star Wars nerds would have given it a 12/10)

• There is our star I bet, in the past
• Yes trust the force, it has done so much for us so far...you know since we're filthy living in dirt and squaler
• Are they going to get sued by Battlestar Galactica?
• That kid runs funny
• The kid who is against the Empire had a Stormtrooper doll?  That doesn't make much sense
• Forest Whitaker is in this?  Nice, at least this one will have some decent acting...writing probably not so much but acting
• JESUS HE JUST KILLED HIS CONTACT!  The Rebels are such nice people, I can see what I would trust them
• The future...er....past....er....whatever sure is dirty
• CHOKESLAM!

• How many planets have we seen already?  Instead of wipes in this flick it is going to be new planets, at least it is something new for Lucas
• The rebels sure are nice people...have I mentioned that
• Does Star Wars have to have robots?
• And do all robots have to be annoying
• What is what Star Wars always having a shot of people watching a ship take off?
• Okay maybe I'm wrong about good acting, it looks like they gave Forrest a stupid gimmick
• The Star Wars Universe does love their capes don't they?
• I hope Forrest got a lot of money for this and what the director wanted for his "performance"
• Good grief what was that?  Chuckys Star Wars cousin?

found this by searching for stupid looking star wars creatures rogue one

• The thing above looks like a critter with a body
• I love that Storm troopers can't shoot anyone or anything but everyone else is like the crew of the Walking Dead, never missing
• this is such a weird story and like so many star wars before it I am bored
• Fire in space?
• Are we sure this main character isn't the same as in Chapter 7?  She behaves the same
• I can't understand a word that guy is saying
• Wait...he is going to shoot the guy who is helping them?  I don't get this rebellion group
• Why is it the Alliance hasn't replaced the Storm troopers since they are completely incompetent.  
• What is the line from Spaceballs because good is stupid?  Yeah...talking about you Jyn
• Didn't move any of those other bodies though huh?  Guess if you're laying down nothing can move a body
• Wait...shouldn't Vader be crying right now?  That is what Vader does right
• Is that Ackbar?  
• So there is a rebellion in the rebellion?
• A bunch of steam as the doors open seems like a horrible flaw for things like an ambush
• That scene was pointless, just to put C3PO in the flick
• instead of running from the AT-AT shouldn't you run toward it so it can't shoot you?
• Goodbye Porkins....oh wait are you saying that isn't this movie?  Are you sure?  Okay
• They are only NOW sending all those tie fighters out?  Why?  
• So they can build robots but they still use tape technology like in Hackers?
• Those ones have black armor, are they like level 2 storm troopers?
• Why is there wind in the data storage tower thing?
• Of course, the blind guy can do it because the force is with him, of course
• Why aren't they shooting the guy cradling his dead buddy?
• Wait....are the storm troopers actually able to shoot and kill people suddenly?
• Ah yes the Video Game moment
• So it only broadcasts if it straight up and down?  Why make it move then?
• And why put it out on the end of a giant bridge?
• Who designed this shit?
• So everyone dies?  
• Ah the second video game moment with Vader attacking the ship
• Well that was creepy!

Well that was a movie.  I think like most Star Wars it is over rated.  7.9 is too high, I guess I'll give it a 7/10.  It is average.  However the stupid character design and weird gimmicks with little to no reasoning bugged me.

And I'm sorry there are so many weird plot holes that I could drive an imperial cruiser through to give it any higher and honestly I am going to readjust and give it a 6/10.  Take in the average acting and that dropped the score down.  Sorry to fan boys out there that loved this flick but I just didn't.  I feel like there was stuff left out for me to understand.  Now you could argue that this was for star wars fans and they "know" all that was left out but that doesn't make a good movie.  

So give me your hate fan boys, I'll take it and love it!  LONG LIVE JAR JAR BINKS!!!

Movie Review: The Accountant

Good morning, good afternoon good evening...whenever it is you have found this review.  Today (9/26/17) I am checking out The Accountant.  "As a math savant uncooks the books for a new client, the Treasury Department closes in on his activities, and the body count starts to rise."  It stars Ben Affleck, Anna Kendrick and J.K. Simmons.  As of today the flick has a 7.4 with 186,772 votes.

• Uggg, this movie is over 2 hours
• I just re-read the synopsis from IMDB and for somer eason made me laugh
• Is this....that flick with Bruce WIllis and the autistic kid?
• Strange....they just described a lot of my "issues"
• The little kid looks like a young Jared from Subway...the irony there is....not wasted on me
• Good accountant, finding the duductions
• YAY JK SIMMONS!
• The number three is very soothing.....
• Okay I'm not that bad!
• I feel sorry for people who have to deal with children with those issues, it would not be easy at all
• Jeffrey Tambor is in this too?
• Why is Affleck's character in jail?  Hope we find out why
• Who is this guy?
• Very good cast in this flick
• Shane?  I do like me some Shane
• I do kind of like Wolff, I understand him.  I work very hard NOT to be him
• Gotta have a pocket protector, I've ruined a few shirts myself
• Uggg, stop talking and leave him alone, I hate people who won't shut up and talk to you
• Who knew account was so cool?  I would have gone into it!
• Stuff being out of order sucks...and what is with the leg rolling thing?
• You won't be able to follow a guy like this I don't think, but maybe I'm wrong
• Not your typical book keeper 
• I can't figure out, is he a good guy or a bad guy?
• I would like that camper, its nice
• Don't use sarcasm?  Really?  That is just....weird
• I find this a weird role for Anna, I know she does multiple roles but mostly see her in comedies I feel (or maybe I watch more comedies)
• That is a plan, not sure if it a great plan
• Bet she didn't have designs on that...because she was on designing women...
• This flick is getting long in the tooth I'll be honest...damn should have come up with a better pun...maybe a Wolff pun....screw it I'll stick with it
• Different does scare people...
• So is "Shane" cleaning up/protecting his brother?  No...he doesn't know who the accountant is
• Freak?  "Shane" is starting to understand/figure it out I think
• I wonder how true this kind of stuff is?  I wonder if this kind of thing has happened
• DAMN!
• Never understood smoke, doesn't it hamper both sides equally typically?
• Triple tap, good thinking
• I forget that Affleck can be a pretty good actor at times
• Wait...he didn't change he clip till AFTER he got there?
• Family drama always sucks
• Well that ending with Justine made me smile

I enjoyed this flick.  Maybe my lack of sleep is causing me to read too much into the flick but I fell like part of it is saying that different is okay.  Sure they had him kill some 20+ people but I enjoyed it. 

The action was well done and I didn't feel the autism was overdone but actually it felt very well done. The acting was fantastic which you'd expect from this cast.  A cast of all wonderful actors who can do so many different roles

I guess I'd stick with the crowd and give it a 7/10.  The story and acting was good/well done but there wasn't anything that made me say "OH MY GOD" throughout.  It was just a well done solid flick with well done solid everything.  The one complaint, which is almost in every review I do, is that it is long.  2 hours is a long flick.  But worth watching if you come across it!

Movie Review: Denial

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you have found this entry.  Today (9/25/17) I am checking out the flick Denial.  "Acclaimed writer and historian Deborah E. Lipstadt must battle for historical truth to prove the Holocaust actually occurred when David Irving, a renowned denier, sues her for libel."  It stars Rachel Weisz, Tom Wilkinson and Timothy Spall.  It currently has 6.6 over on IMDB with 10,711 votes.  I don't have any knowledge about this story or movie so if I say things that are known about the story excuse me.

• Yeah this flick is going to a laugh a minute (sarcasm)
• I do love the NPR morning edition music
• That guy driving looked like a killer, are they going to assassinate her?
• That guy would be a good heel
• Uggg, even fake skin heads make me sick to my stomach
• I belief that those comments do constitute libal
• Interesting, she believes that she was born for something special
• This is a very good haircut for Rachel, very flattering for her
• This is disgusting if this is actually what happened, I hate people
• This scene is hard to watch
• Santa Claus is the judge?
• This disgusting denier is very good, no holes in the roof, I saw that right away 
• This is a hard movie to watch yet captivating
• Bagel...not toasted?  Weird and gross
• Very hard to watch...

I'm sorry I didn't type much in this.  It is very interesting and well done.  I'm actually quite surprised that it has the rating that it does.  Everything was done so well from the writing to the acting to the filming.  Everything.

If you want to see a good movie check this out.  I will not say anything more about this other then I suggest you see this if for nothing else the excellent acting.  I give it an 8/10 but even if I gave it a 1 it is something that should be watched.  

Movie Review: I.T.

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, whenever it is you have come across this entry.  Today (9/24/17) I am checking out the flick I.T.  It stars Pierce Brosnan, Jason Barry and Karen Moskow.  It currently has a rating of 5.4/10 with 10,335 votes.  "A self-proclaimed millionaire, has his life turned upside down after firing his I.T. consultant."  This should let everyone know not to mess with your I.T. guys...after years of dealing with end users we all might be a little mentally unstable!

• So far nothing has happened, just nothing
• Is Pierce using a different accent?
• This IT guy is making us all look like weirdos
• And he is a creep and stalker!  Great!
• He seems a little old for the girl he is stalking
• Is he really showing up at his bosses house randomly?
• He does have a really nice setup in his house though, I'd love to have like 10 monitors...I don't know why....probably because it looks so cool on TV and movies
• Bad stalker or worst stalker?
• I don't want to think about this, she is 17!  I'm sure the actress isn't but still
• This is very illogical, why is he coming on so strong?  Maybe we'll find out why soon
• This is already a little long drawn out
• At least he knew right away it was it was Porter
• So in this movie universe the doctors just email you that you have cancer?
• Oh no, he didn't really send that to the school did he?  That is...well...awful
• She is blaming her husband?  Like he knew he was insane?
• Why did it take this guy to figure out the first thing you do is "dumb" your house?
• Interesting role reversal
• Really?  It comes down to a hostage situation?  This script is not good
• Thank goodness for the random HURRICANE that is happening 

There isn't a lot for me to say to this flick really.  It had the ground work for a really cool story but it went off the rails quickly due to a poor script.  The acting was really well done and act one was as well.  Act two started off strong and then by act three I was shaking my head.  The police just ignoring people was just the start. 

Overall I think the 5 is a little high unfortunately but not because of the actors.  I blame the director and script here.  A good idea that just didn't blossom into a good flick.  4/10 for this one.  I wouldn't search this one out boys and girls.

Movie Review: In a Valley of Violence

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening....whenever it is that you have come across this entry.  Today (9/23/17) I am checking out the flick In a Valley of Violence.  It stars Ethan Hawke, John Travolta and Taissa Farmiga.  "A mysterious stranger and a random act of violence drag a town of misfits and nitwits into the bloody crosshairs of revenge."  It currently has a rating of 6/10 with 9018 voters.  

• Ugg, a Western?  I dislike Westerns...
• Blumhouse did the flick?  Well that is a good sign
• Ethan Hawke however is not a great sign
• Oh it is the guy from Torchwood!  Burn Gorman is a great character actor!
• I have a friend from high school that looks like Ethan Hawke
• Any movie with a dog as a main character gets points from me!
• Awesome a snake oil salesmen
• Yeah, the bowl is for the dog son
• This is an interesting cast
• Hey it is Ziggy from the Wire!
• Hey it is Pond, where is the Doctor?
• Don't mess with a mans dog!
• Wow Travolta looks a little bit like Kurt Russel
• They shot his dog?  Oh that is just foolish, they don't know what they've done
• I personally want to kill Ziggy now
• Wait a minute, Harris is the superhero guy from Pete and Pete I think
• To paraphrase Firefly there is no power in the 'verse that would stop me if someone did that to my dog because dogs are family
• I do love a good old fashion revenge story
• Let him soak...that...um...is really gross sounding!  Hasn't he seen the well walker?
• This is much better than I expected
• I don't think quitting is going to help you Tubby
• Told you to get away from the window Lawrence
• Ziggy, you know your daddy is dead, you shot him just like Hawke did
• Sweet baby Jesus, with a spur!

This was actually a much better flick than I expected.  The story was well done and as a dog lover believable if not slightly a stretch.  

The acting we well done and I was impressed with everyone, even Mr. Hawke, who usually I dislike.  I can't say why but I just don't like the guy for some reason.  I enjoyed the flicked I really did.

I can't say anything was great but I can't say anything made me want to slit my wrists either.  

As far as a rating goes, I think a 6/10 is about right.  It was there for me and it did drag on just a bit.  I can't tell you what I'd cut though that is the problem.  No scene really drug on or seemed unimportant.  Maybe the scene with Hawke and the girl at her dad's cabin but I'm not even sure about that.  

Overall if you like Westerns or revenge stories this one isn't a bad one to check out.  

Movie Review: Its A Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you have come across this entry.  Today, 10/07/17, I am watching the holiday classic Its a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie.  Yeah I'm probably using the word classic very liberally there but sue me, I love the Muppets!  It stars Steve Whitmire, Dave Goelz and Bill Barretta and I am sure a slew of cameos!  "On Christmas Eve, an angel petitions God to send help for Kermit the Frog who has lost all hope after losing the Muppet Theatre."  Well this already sounds like a rip snorting laugh riot!  It does have a 6.5 out of 10 with 2951 votes

• I admit it is weird to watch a Christmas flick this early but...well.. MUPPETS!
• Oh Beaker!
• Would a solid gold record player sound good?
• Wrong sounding Muppets bother me sometimes, that wasn't Robins voice!
• Wait...isn't this also the story from the Muppets?
• Cameo number one...and there is number two!  
• And David Arquette looks like Bubbles from Trailer Park Boys
• and the cameos keep on rolling!
• I love the overacting with the Muppets, it is wonderful
• I never did like Pepe
• I knew Joan Cusask was a bitch!  
• Spongebob is great
• God is kind of a dick
• Ugg, wrong muppet voices!
• So many cameos
• Yeah you can tell it was on NBC
• pagers?  In 2002?
• The Moulin Scrooge?
• Fozzie does look like Zidler
• Okay I'm loving this Muppet version!  I want to see a full muppet version of Moulin Rouge!
• It is weird to see Rowlf but not to have him talk
• I would seriously pay money for this movie!  I wonder how I become a producer....it seems pretty easy on Get Shorty
• Really?  Trusting Fozzie?  
• A really bad Steve Irwin impersonator?  Really?
• That is some creepy Dr. Seuss characters!
• I am loving this by the way, the Muppets are wonderful
• There are action figures?  AWESOME!
• Worst security system EVER!
• Nog funnel?
• Trip Frog, you don't deny that!
• I think he wishes he had never been born
• Yoda?
• Muppet legs scares me
• DOC HOPPERS!?  CALL BACK!!!!
• I think this is actually the life Scooter would prefer
• Why take candy?  Piggy doesn't know him
• Oh good grief...not that kind of call....oh thank goodness it is Miss Cleo
• I do enjoy Gonzo singing
• Is it a kiss....no it is spit in the eye?
• YAAAY!!
• Really?  Eugene plays the Tuba...I AM SUING!!!
• Christmas is about revenge, Pepe is correct
• Not enough Bobo in this!

It is weird to be watching a Christmas movie but it was the Muppets and it just makes me smile!  I give it an 8/10 because...well Muppets.  

Seriously I enjoyed this because it was very much classic Muppets.  I honestly don't have a lot to say because I really enjoyed the Muppets.  It is was fun and worth checking out if you love the Muppets like me!

Movie Review: Free State of Jones

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you have found this entry.  Today (9/19/17) I am checking out the 2016 flick Free State of Jones.  It stars Matthew McConaughey, Gugu Mbatha-Raw and Mahershala Ali.  "A disillusioned Confederate army deserter returns to Mississippi and leads a militia of fellow deserters and women in an uprising against the corrupt local Confederate government."  I wanted to see this flick back in theaters and din't get to so I hope to enjoy it.  It currently has a 6.9 over on IMDB.

• Marching in rows always seemed like such a bad idea yet every military seemingly does it
• And there is the reason that it seems foolish to me
• Matthew McConaughey should NEVER have a beard, it looks horrible
• I don't know why I always forget that McConaughey is a good actor
• Wait...the old cap thing actually works?
• Shit, that quick and he was shot already, stupid war
• It is true, honor means nothing when someone is dead
• I don't think I knew Keri Russell was in this flick
• Just awful the way this country was back then...and now...
• If this is truly a true story good for all of these people for doing what is right
• Poor doggie!
• Swamp water really is extremely disgusting!
• This has an excellent cast!
• Gary Grubbs is such an underrated actor!
• Anyone who thinks mutton chops is a good look is crazy!
• Not a lot to say during this flick, I keep finding myself sucked into the flick
• Sweet baby Jesus....
• The Newt character is an interesting character
• Sweet baby jesus again...it was like a claymore mine!
• The flick is starting to drag just a bit...
• Running to live another day is worthwhile sometimes
• Wait...are they socialist?
• Seriously how great is this cast?
• Of course.  I know it is probably what happened but still it disgusts me

I have to say I really enjoyed this flick.  It is not a typical "Gene" movie but it was so well done how could I not enjoy it.  The cast itself made this movie wonderful, and I mean EVERYONE in it.  Was it hard to watch at times, yes it was...because this, or stuff like this, actually happened.  

I will not get more preachy then that here because I have declared I'm staying out of politics as much as I can.  I will say however that perhaps if we were all just treated everyone like we wanted to be treated things might be different!

Back to the flick I can't say more good about this.  The one draw back is it drags near the end after the war.  It is important to continue the story but it started to drag when everyone was "free".  But I would give this a 8 out of 10, only because I can't do half votes on IMDB.  

Check this flick out, find it and enjoy it because it is part of our history that CANNOT be forgotten.