Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you have come across todays entry. Today, 12/02/17, I am checking out the Syfy/Asylum flick Empire of the Sharks. It currently has a rating of 2.9 with 271 people rating it. It stars John Savage, Jack Amstrong and Thandi Sebe. "On a future earth where 98% of the surface is underwater, a Warlord who controls an army of sharks meets his match when he captures the daughter of a mysterious shark caller." An army of sharks? How can this be bad!
- My god, Big Ben is underwater...should I care?
- Slow boat or slowest boat?
- You can own the ocean?
- Is it that hard to make salt water drinkable?
- Is Mr. Scream drunk...or it is Mason Scrim
- Where is Freddy Kruger to make a power glove joke?
- Wait...he'll go deeper...than the sharks?
- Yes hide the time keeping device next to your boobs...they kidnappers will NEVER look there
- Probably can't save the girl if EVERYONE knows you are there
- The most realistic looking sharks EVER!
- Wait...they took the girls...to be regular slaves? What kind of warlord is this? Healthy male workers seem better for that kind of job....is that sexist of me?
- Yep because pearls would still be valuable in a world without clean water.....
- So the sunstone means she can call sharks....okay
- He is the least intimidating hero ever
- Serious cheddar? Who talks like that?
- There is the Asylum over-the-top acting! LOVE IT!
- The captain chick is not a good actress...but then again compared to most of the people here she isn't bad
- This kid has no idea what he is doing? Worst plan ever, why not just take the supplies in himself?
- ARMY OF SHARKS!
- Man the CGI is awesome
- Some day I want to own the ocean like this warlord. I believe that is called life goals
- Oh shit....the power glove failed!
- How does the power glove work I would like to know
- This is actually a really boring Asylum flick sadly
- Scrim is so over the top it is fun
- Nice they threw in a hammerhead
- I think there is a T-Rex around the way the water is rippling
- That was the dumbest way to jump in the water I've ever seen
- Yeah teaching her how to control the sharks wasn't the best idea there warlord man
- He even makes his own sound effects...awesome!
- The sharks sure can breach in the future
- Those gloves won't still work without hands sunshine
- Is she a mermaid?
- Wait...are they a frat now? Is she going to start spanking people with that paddle?
- They had a shark caller to trainer her...so they have a shark caller? I'm confused by this
- And why do all that bullshit if she can just do it?
Well that was a disappointing flick even by Asylum standards to be honest. It wasn't campy enough to be enjoyable and not bad enough to be laughable...it was just there and fell flat.
Overall I think the 2.9 is a little high and I give it a 2/10. Usually I try to find something good to say about a film but this just did not have anything unfortunately. Usually Asylum flicks are campy B movie fun but this was not. I read that this came out during Sharknado week so I feel like they just threw a script together and put it out there without really working on it.
I cannot say to check this flick out. Save your bad movie viewing time for others.
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