The Darkness: A Movie Review

Good morning, good afternoon or good evening, whenever you're checking this out.  Today I'm checking out the flick The Darkness.  It stars Kevin Bacon, Radha Mitchell and David Mazouz.  "A family returns from a Grand Canyon vacation, haunted by an ancient supernatural entity they unknowingly awakened and engages them in a fight for their survival."  As of 5/29 over on IMDB it has a 4.0.  Lets go find out all about...the Darkness!

• End of the World from Indian spirits?  Nice
• Bruce Wayne has a habit of falling into holes
• Petoskey stones?
• Is Mikey Autistic?
• Hope Mikey didn't crawl into a gorilla pen!
• Jenny is awful loud in them there walls, Forest needs to keep her quiet (yes a Forest Gump joke, shut up they can't all be home runs)
• Why are there always creepydolls
• Hand prints are also creepy
• Him?  He is your brother sunshine
• What is with the hand prints?
• Kevin Bacon is starting to look old!
• Animals always know
• How does this flick only have a 4 over on IMDB, it is pretty good thus far
• Five stones....like Captain Planet?
• Lots of movement in the background in this flick.  Probably missing things while writing things
• Get out the sage, I feel a house cleansing coming on
• Did he go through the "portal"/burned area?
• The Blue Star?  Its close now?  What is he talking about Kevin?
• What are you doing?  Going to investigate on your own?
• Wait was that a dream?
• Well that blood was really gross!

• Damn that dog with to town
• Where is the buffalo?
• It is weird to see Paul Reiser in this type of flick
• Oh well, probably shouldn't have removed those stones sunshine, way to go Batman
• I don't think I'd have headphones on if this stuff was going on in my house
• Yeah a Tennis Rack, who are you Jim Cornette?

• I think the correct word at this point is....run
• The hands showing up on daughter was really cool

• This flick has a really interesting cast
• Why would you take Michael back into the house?!
• Of course a storm
• All five?  We've seen all but the Buffalo
• Wait...I think the Buffalo might be here
• That was easier then I thought...or not
• Sacrificing oneself for his child

That wasn't bad at all for a flick I never heard of!  I give it a 6/10.  

Nothing ground breaking here but a very good cast who all did a pretty good job.  The daughter, played by Lucy Fry, was probably the weak point of the flick from an acting standpoint.  The story wasn't anything new and the ending was slightly predictable as the flick went along.

I want to say I really liked the performance by Bruce Wayne...I mean David Mazouz.  He was very very good in the flick.

I thought the effects were cool especially the hands showing up near the end of the flick and the storms in the house as well.  

Overall there isn't a lot to say about this flick.  Average suspense horror flick and slightly above acting that helped the flick.  If you're bored I'd catch it at a second run theater, Red Box, Netflix or the like.  I wouldn't pay theater prices for this however!

Bottom 100: Santa with Muscles

Listen here brother...it is time for another movie review dude!  Now what are you going to do when you watch the Christmas classic Santa with Muscles brother!  It stars Hulk Hogan, Don Stark and Robin Curtis.  "An evil millionaire believes he is Santa Claus after an accident renders him amnesiac."  I can not wait to see Hulkamania running wild on the holiday season!

• I love this fact:  The original author's draft was changed so much that he sued to have his name removed.  Hope he had Hulk's lawyer who sued Gawker!
• He just got the smackdown laid down on him brother!
• Hogans hair is even more weird than normal
• Can you make Hogan MORE tan brother?
• Hogan does look like he is having fun
• Did they not see him bail out of the car?  Rule number 21 rules!  Dude!
• Mr. Frost?  Really?  In a Christmas movie
• Clint Howard is SO weird looking brother

• Santa fraud?
• Don Stark is over the top funny most of the time...this time it is hit or miss
• Even now I enjoy watching Hulk Hogan beat people up....dude
• The henchmen remind me of a bad group of wrestling characters
• Why isn't she top billed?

• Yes that is Mila Kunis
• How come Santa never knows your name when you meet him if he knows everything
• Are there only 3 kids at this orphanage?  
• Santa should have a utility belt 
• Santa with black gloves?  Weird

• Kevin West is always a weird little man, most of the time that I remember him at least

• Wow...these two CANNOT sing!!
• Awwww, the kid wants to be a hero.  Nice
• Weird random gems?
• I'll be honest Hulk Hogan movies are one of my guilty pleasures
• Is Blight trying to kill Santa Hogan?  Weird in a kids flick
• LOVE the mini pick axes
• Wait...was that Brutus Beefcake with a goofy mustache and haircut?

• IT IS ED LESLIE!  THE MAN OF A THOUSAND GIMMICKS!!
• The cops have a rocket launcher?
• Garrett Morris is the same in everything isn't he?

Well I wanted to tear this apart but I can't really.  I give it a 4 out of 10.  It wasn't horrible for what it was.  It was a low budget family Christmas comedy starring Hulk Hogan.  You can't expect something amazing!

I can't really say much more then that.  It has all the stupid childish jokes you'd expect.  I don't think I'd go watch it again but it really wasn't bad.  Hogan honestly wasn't a bad actor given what he usually has to work with.  He is on par with those action stars of the 80's and 90's and he does have good comedic timing most of the time, even if the jokes are horrible.  

The rest of the cast, minus the horrible villains, weren't bad.  The main girl Elizabeth wasn't what you'd call great but she was young so you get what you get there.  

The major bad spot is the villains.  They are just horrible.  Horribly written and performed.  If they toned those guys down a bit I wouldn't have hated them nearly as much.

You also have some pretty bad writing here but again look at what you're trying to write.  It wasn't Lord of the Rings or Narnia here!

However this flick doesn't belong in the bottom 100, there are MUCH worse flicks out there!

Overall I can't say watch it or avoid it.  If you see it playing and are bored there is worst things to watch.  Until next time...brother!

Movie Review: The Boss

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening....whenever it is you're reading this.  I am back with yet another movie review.  This time I checked out The Boss.  It stars Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Bell and Peter Dinklage.  "A titan of industry is sent to prison after she's caught insider trading. When she emerges ready to rebrand herself as America's latest sweetheart, not everyone she screwed over is so quick to forgive and forget."  I wanted to see this earlier so I'm glad to get to see this flick.  Over on IMDB as of 5/16 it has a 5.3 on IMDB.  Lets find out who really is...The Boss!

• Is this a wrestling event?  A rock concert?

• Well this is a weird way to introduce the character
• Cedric Yarbrough is great as usual
• Gross midgets are gross
• Did she just make her pilot take his shirt off?  Is that legal?
• Peter Dinklage is creepy 
• What is up with all her weird turtlenecks
• Her hair is kind of annoying 
• Tyler Labine is good in everything he does.  Thus far this has a great supporting cast
• Damn you Tito!
• How did the bed do that?!
• Why is she looking at her lady parts?

• The lowest, weirdest guys are in IT?  Yeah...that is probably right
• It does look like a holy shit brownie
• Are they going to do a cookie competition thing?
• Yep they are
• Helen is horrible
• How great is Melissa McCarthy!
• Are they the guardian angels now?

• Nothing wrong with a pity date, take what you can get!
• Cumbersnatch...now that is funny!
• SHE IS GOING TO GET LITTLE PERSON SYNDROME!  RUN CLAIRE!!
• Running from Family is natural for some people
• Is Ida modeled off Paula Deen

• A sword fight with a little person...weird

Well that was better than I expected.  I mean I like Melissa in anything I've seen her in so it shouldn't surprise me.  Obviously fans didn't love it and I didn't either.  I enjoyed it but it was typical Melissa stuff, which isn't bad, but this wasn't great either.  I give it a 6/10 personally.

Melissa is hilarious when the jokes hit but when they don't you can feel it too.  Several jokes fell flat including the sexual stuff with Dinklage.  In fact the entire storyline with Dinklage was poor.  I would have gone with a different villain, probably the Kathy Bates character and had the Dinklage character in that small role.  I also felt the Helen storyline was a little forced, especially the final bit with the couch.

I also would have included a little more with the Darlings being "thugs" or Melissa teaching them to be cut throat but that is just me.  I thought the fight between the two groups was very funny, although felt very Adam McKay influenced who was one of the producers.

Overall it was enjoyable and I laughed or chuckled several times.  If you like Melissa and her usual physical dirty humor you'll enjoy it.  If you don't I'd skip this one.  Until next time remember, no matter what you're doing in life...

Bottom 100: From Justin to Kelly

Good morning, good afternoon or good evening...whenever it is you're reading this.  I am back with another Bottom 100 flick.  This time I'm checking out From Justin to Kelly.  It stars Kelly Clarkson, Justin Guarini and Katherine Bailess.  "A waitress from Texas and a college student from Pennsylvania meet during spring break in Fort Lauderdale, Florida and come together through their shared love of singing."  As of 5/12/16 it has a 2.1 over on IMDB.  I am off to check this out, may God have mercy on my soul...

• I know who Kelly Clarkson is but no clue who Justin is.  I assume another American Idol person
• She is so young looking...wow
• Ugg, the pop music is already killing me
• What is with Justin's hair?  

• I don't know if I can make it through this flick.  Good god it is killing me already
• This is enough to turn me off musicals for ever
• Wait the nerdy guy dances too?  
• For not wanting to go Kelly sure did jump into "Spring Break" mode really quickly
• Good grief I think they are all have seizures...oh wait...I guess that is considered dancing
• They are suddenly rapping?  KILL ME!
• What did she give him a ticket for?
• I don't even want to find more pictures today
• Wait....Kelly is now worried about objectifying women after she was bumping and grinding between someone random guys legs?  
• Kelly is flip flopping back and forth more than a politician
• If this is what Spring Break is really like I'm glad I never went, it'd honestly kill me
• The writer wrote this AND Spice World...that actually explains a lot
• Who is that random chick kissing Justin?  
• She isn't upset that he barged into the Women's room?
• Kelly for short?
• So the key to getting girls is barging into the ladies room.  Good to know
• I think I might put knives into my eyes and ears to end this punishment
• There are random beds out in the middle of nowhere?
• He is the mayor of Spring Break?  Really?
• She suddenly knows how to do this dance?  Wasn't she complaining moments ago?
• Yes I know musicals defy logic in the above sense but not if they do what they're doing
• Was the scene so bad they cut it short
• Everyone on the beach and he picks the nerdiest guy around to play volleyball
• It has only been 30 minutes?  Honestly?  KILL ME!
• How did she get back into the kitchen to begin with?
• And the Mayor of Spring Break is staying in that shitty hotel?  Really?
• Good god more rapping
• Going with the sunburn gimmick, really
• Yep, how does he not feel that sunburn.  This is awful
• I'm going to wish upon a star that I can go back in time and stop myself from watching this!
• And let me guess, she waited at the beach all day and night...of course she did
• Should Kaya be upset she cost that other guy his job not off partying 
• WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?  Hold a girl up side down and have her head shaking her head between your legs....so confused
• hovercraft race?  REALLY?  KILL ME
• Those are bean bags?
• How is he bleeding through his helmet
• This is just so poorly written

This flick hurt me quite a bit.  I give it a 1/10.  I don't hate the storyline as it has been done 100 times before and it will be done again in the future.  It is how it was executed that I hate.

It was so poorly written with such one dimensional characters.  None of them had any kind of character to them with the exception of MAYBE Justin but I'm being pretty nice saying he wasn't. You could see everything coming long before it happened.  That isn't a bad thing but when it is acting poorly, written poorly and just bad I have a problem with that.

I will say, even though I can't stand that kind of music, the singing was done well and I guess the dancing was good if you like that weird herky jerky type seizure dancing.  

However I can't say anything else good about this flick.  DO NOT WATCH THIS!  It is no wonder it is the fastest theater to home release ever with 29 days in between.  Do not watch this boys and girls, you've been warned

Movie Review: Batman Bad Blood

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening....whenever it is you're reading this.  Thank you for checking out yet another movie review by the Fat Man.  Today, 5/13/16, I'm checking out Batman Bad Blood.  Another animated DC Universe flick.  "Bruce Wayne is missing. Alfred covers for him while Nightwing and Robin patrol Gotham City in his stead. And a new player, Batwoman, investigates Batman's disappearance."  It stars Jason O'Mara, Yvonne Strahovski, Stuart Allan.  Lets check out...Bad Blood!

• Well these guys are look interesting

Rejects from a costume party?  Bad Cosplayers?

• Who is this?  Batgirl?  Batwoman?  Batlady?
• Firefly?  Yep
• A bad Batman?

• Robin the Monk Wonder
• Nightwing basically sexting while fighting...weird
• How did they miss?  How do they always miss?
• Well...that had to hurt
• Lots of destruction....Robin sure knows how to party
• This Batmobile design is weird

• Ah Batwoman is the name, never guessed that.  I like Batlady better
• How great is Ernie Hudsons voice?  
• So Mad Hatter knows Bruce Wayne is Batman?  Weird
• Why even have secret identities?
• They have Alfred very strange these days
• They make this Batman not only brooding but an asshole which I'm not a huge fan of
• Did Alfred....oh nope it is bad Batman....who knows where the Batcave is
• Damian lets his emotions control him too much
• Wait...so does Batwoman know who Batman is now
• Well she does now!
• Wait...is Fox's kid becoming Iron Man?  Sure looks that way to me
• Did he tell his kid where it was?  What it was?
• Are those nuns wearing masks?
• And like that the bad bat is no more, anti-climatic
• Oh good grief!

• How do they always miss?
• Batwing?  Is that name already taken?
• How did Batwoman get her suit?
• Nice Indiana Jones rip off
• This Bat-Team kills a lot of people I've noticed
• That'll give her daddy issues
• They look like the Doctor Who Cybermen earpieces
• I've never shot a gun and pretty sure I could hit something before these people do!
• Is Alfred going to fight?
• Why does the Mad Hatter look like a Leprechaun?
• GOOD GOD ALFRED!
• Who needs the Justice League, Gotham as the Bat Swarm at this point now they're throwing in Batgirl!

Well that was different.  The extreme violence is a bit of a turn off as it is not what DC is usually about.  I give it a 6/10.  Not horrible but I didn't like it as much as the last Justice League flick.

I don't like the direction they've taken Batman at all.  He is now just a jerk about things and I never felt that was in Bruce.  Gruff, short, brutally honest but not a jerk.  I realize it is a different version of Bats but as I've said before I struggle when they drastically change the character without a real reason for the characteristics to change so drastically.

From a visual stand point this was on par with the newest versions.  They aren't horrible but there are things I don't like about it but I've covered that before.

I guess I continue to say the voice acting is what bothers me the most.  If you don't want Kevin doing Batman's voice fine but this version just doesn't work for me.  It is just....off to me.

Overall if you like the DC Universe and you've followed the others in the series this isn't bad.  I wouldn't go out of your way to watch it otherwise.  Not bad but not good either.  Just there.