entertainment

I'm on a blogging streak. Actually as some of you know when I can't sleep, which I've got 2 hours in the last 30 hours, I do weird things. Anyway here we go....

Recently on Facebook a good friend posted a comment about Lady Gaga and Madonna. It spawned a lot of comments and I actually typed out a lengthy response before realizing I could do it better justice here.

The comment was "Everything that Lady Gaga has done - Madonnna already did...BETTER."

Its probably true. I don't know as I wasn't a Madonna fan aside from a song here and there...and I enjoyed Evita. By the way Mikey, still think Antonio would have been a worse Phantom than Gerard Butler was? God he was AWFUL! Anyway wanted to throw that jab in there.

Anyway back to the point of this. From there we have about 25 comments to Mike's comment. It is brought up about Gaga's possible sex change operation and then we get Mike's final word on the topic.

"My profile - I get final say. I say this: I don't care who she is as a person, I don't care how inspired her work is, I don't care that she may have spent the first half of her life as a dude - I'm just not as impressed as everyone else seems to be with her body of (or) work. Much like the reruns we're getting from Hollywood and most of sitcom television --- Ive seen it before and I just want to be AMAZED by something. Where's this generations Elvis, Michael Jackson, Dolly Parton, Jackson Pollock, or Laurence Olivier? I don't want to settle for the 'new Madonna' or the 'next Frank Sinatra (I'm looking at you Michael Buble!).

INSPIRE ME!! I need something so artistic and inventive, so unique and intelligent that the moment I hear it or see it I can only stand and applaud its arrival on this tiny blue speck of dirt and water we call home.

But maybe that's just me :)"

I agree for the most part here. However I don't want to be inspired. I don't want to stand and applaud (I'm lazy). You know what I want? I want to be entertained. Is that too much to ask from the entertainment industry?

Back when I was in high school every...and I mean EVERY Friday atleast Paul and I went into Lansing to see a movie. Every Friday without fail if it wasn't football season and we had a home game. There was a movie we wanted to see enough to go every Friday. I haven't been to a movie since I moved to Twin Falls. Not one. There hasn't been a movie I would even steal from the internet since I moved here. That's right, there hasn't been a movie I wanted to see enough to even steal. What does that say about the state of film?

Do you know the last CD I bought? Me neither! I know I bought Patton Oswald's comedy CD last year does that count? Before that Cristina Branco probably...wait I bought a Best of Queen and some foreign chick that was playing at BN. Honestly I don't remember the last quote unquote known artist would be Weird Al's Straight out of Lynwood. Maybe Billy Joel's single was after that but you get the idea.

The last DVD I bought was...was...I don't remember. Paranormal Activity (by the way the sequel comes out later this year and I think my girlfriend Katie is back...atleast I offered her and the demon a place to stay before and will again...the three of us and Ace can be very happy together I think still) or The Hangover. Wait I bought Star Trek on the cheap at Walmart. I don't even buy movies anymore just TV shows. Psych and Always Sunny will be out soon and I'll pick those up.

My point is I want to be entertained. Just like my comments about pro wrestling last night I want to be entertained. Like I said earlier I don't want to be inspired. I want to forget my shitty life for a brief period of time. That is what good entertainment does. When Chuck or Psych or Deadliest Catch are on I forget about life for that 45 minutes. I don't have to think about how stressful work is. That the boss will be here in two weeks and I've got way too much shit to do and I lost it yesterday at work. Or that both the power and gas company called threatening to shut things off. Or that my blood pressure is through the roof and my heart my explode tomorrow. Or that this country seems to have gone insane. That time, those 45 minutes, everything is right in the world (well besides on Deadliest Catch...I already miss you Captain Phil). All that matters is that Shawn is making some weird 80's reference. All I care about is that Col. Casey is threatening to kill Grimes again in some strange way.

Back in the day when I was dealing with my mental problems do you know what kept me going sometimes? That I wanted to know who the nWo were going to beat up next. I wanted to know if Vinnie Mac was going to get to Stone Cold this week. What weird thing was Jerry and George going to talk about this week.

Maybe its because I'm older. Maybe its because I am completely broken by the real world. Maybe its because its true I don't know. All I know is I just want to be entertained and forget about the real world every once in a while and I have to go to the past to do that and there is something wrong with that.

Wrestling

The few people who *MIGHT* read this know that I am a wrestling fan. I have been for years and years (20+). Since 2007, and that is when everyone knew about wrestling because of Chris Benoit, wrestling has pretty much sucked. Vince McMahon and WWE have gone PG. What does that mean? That means just what it sounds. Its like watching a PG movie. However wrestling shouldn't be PG. Its like watching Predator or Die Hard on broadcast TV. All the violence, swearing and fun are gone and you have this crap that leaves you thinking...something is missing.

Now I am not saying I want to see everyone bleed every match. I am not saying I want to hear every word possible. However I want to be entertained. I haven't been entertained for years now. Hell I don't remember the last show I watched all the way through, probably Wrestlemania and this is from a man who used to NOT be able to work on Monday's because that is when Raw and Nitro were on. I didn't miss a Raw for 4+ years and only started missing them because when I want to school they didn't have the USA Network. I own over 500 video tapes of JUST wrestling. I have terabytes of just wrestling. Its a sickness and I mean that in the best possible way.

Roddy Piper was the first to call it a sickness and its true. I want to stop watching. Its so bad I don't want to watch but I can't. You know what it is, I'm in an abusive relationship. Vince McMahon and I are in this relationship. I keep saying I'm done and won't let him abuse me and he keeps telling me things will be better. And I believe him.

He keeps giving me glimpses of greatness. Glimpses of the man who helped make Hulk Hogan, Steve Austin and The Rock. But then I have to see the Great Khali and have to see John Cena try to be the Rock and I'm reminded of the past.

Many wrestling fans look at the "Attitude Era" and the golden age. For those of you who aren't wrestling fans that was the time from 1997 to say 2000. When everywhere you looked you saw the black "Austin 3:16" shirt. You had NFL plays giving the nWo hand signal and doing the Diamond Cutter sign. It was when being a wrestling fan was cool.

I haven't been nor ever will be ashamed of being a wrestling fan. Do I broadcast it, no. Will I deny it, nope. Hell for a brief period of time in my life I thought about training under Dan Severn and being a weekend warrior as it were.

I love wrestling and it pains me to see the business like this. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the entertainment that I love has passed me by. Maybe I'm too old and I'm better off watching my tapes and remembering it all when I enjoyed it.

Take yesterday's Raw. The best part of the show was when the legends were in the ring. How great would a guy like Arn Anderson be now that promo's are the most important thing? Hearing Arn talk for two minutes made me realize just how bad Cena's opening segment was.

I wish I could say something good about what is happening in either WWE or TNA but I really can't. My spirit was broken when a guy, Daniel Bryant, was fired for doing what he was suppose to do, a violent angle. When he was released after what was one, if not the best angle, in recent memory. I know most people think its just a matter of time before he is back does it matter?

Again maybe I'm old and should stick to my Arn Anderson tapes. What does it say when I would rather watch Doink the Clown vs. Mr. Perfect or Marty Jannetty than anyone currently. The few bright spots, Daniel Bryant or Samoa Joe or William Regal (still a hell of a wrestler if given the chance), are fired or put in stupid gimmicks.

While I know this won't ever reach anyone who matters but I'm begging, hell I'll get on my knees and beg if need be, give me a reason to care. Give me a reason to care about Kaz. Make me care about the Uso's or the Hart Dynasty. Make me want to chant for Mr. Anderson. Until then maybe I've found a cure for the Sickness that Roddy Piper talked about...the current wrestling product.

Shitty Day

I had a shitty day today. I mean just shitty. Nothing major but lots of little stuff that just made it shitty. I decided to go drown my sorrows at a buffet (lets face it I'm fat and I like to eat). Then I said fuck it I'm going to go get some boozes and try this "Fat Boy" (from Fallout 3). Its a drink that a friend put on my facebook page. You can check the page out here.

http://www.thedrunkenmoogle.com/post/738780383/fat-man-fallout-3-cocktail-ingredients-3-4

So I go stuff my fat face. Then I have to go to the liquor store. This is at 8:20pm and the stupid place is closed! It closes at 8pm! WHAT THE FUCK!

As all of you know I'm from Michigan. In Michigan you can go to the damn gas station and get boozes. You don't have to go to a special store. That's right I can go to the damn Shell Station and get a bottle of booze. I'm not going to say that that makes Michigan better...but it does.

Ok I'm done. I can't believe I miss Michigan because I want to drink. Until next time goodbye.

Love story

Ok here is a new post. Its been a while I know. This is why I am not a columnist. I have started probably dozens of entries but never finish as I get distracted for one reason or another or end up not liking the entry. Anyway I've decided to go back to what made my old long lost blog so much fun for people to read and that is a good old fashion fat man rant.

Why is it EVERYTHING anymore has to have a damn love story in it? Comedies have to have love stories. Dramas. TV shows. Documentaries. Songs. I am pretty sure the chicken sandwich I got from Jack in the Box, which was by the way a double chicken sandwich with bacon....oh how I love Jack in the Box, had a love story on the wrapper. It makes me sick. As a single guy its depressing. Take the Hangover a nice comedy...with a love story. Did we have to have Ed Helms fall for Heather Graham? No that wasn't needed but there it was.

Now before the 6 people who follow this blog start telling me I know why its there. To get the crossover audience. I think maybe Titanic was the movie that changed that. Before that it seemed that movies were just comedies or dramas or action films.

Predator didn't have Arnold falling head of heels over the jungle chick he saves. Now there would be the tangled web of love and hate. Aliens verse Predator would now be about two star crossed lovers.

Wait, it was before that. I recently have been watching the Critic and there it is. A love story over a fat bald film critic. In the one I just watched he had two women in love with him. Fuck that! No one is more critical about films than me and I don't even have one woman after me. Is it because I'm not bald? ITS NOT MY FAULT! I AM FAT THOUGH DAMN IT!

Oh sorry about that. Is it just me? Every TV show, Chuck, Psych, Eureka, Doctor Who, everything has this love story aspect to it. I just want to laugh without being reminded I am a lonely fat man. Is that too much to ask Hollywood?

On a side note Psycho returns in mere weeks isn't that exciting even though there will be more love story between Shawn and Juliet, atleast its funny love story stuff unlike my second favorite show Chuck. If Adam Baldwin wasn't on Chuck I wouldn't watch that show. Major Casey is the saving grace of Chuck, well that and the amazing music on the show.

Ok not a rant worthy of my old rants. Honestly I don't know if the old rants are still in me. I've changed quite a bit the last couple of years. I don't know if the fire is still in me. Wait, I'm pretty sure once Transformers 3 comes out there will be a rant like the old days.

So to sum all this up, hollywood all I want is a comedy without a love story. Give me Die Hard (and not that shit you called Die Hard 4 but a real Die Hard). Give me Predator. Leave the love story out for once. Just give me a good old fashion funny movie without the drama. Give me an action film with shit blowing up and one liners. Where are you Bruce Willis of old? Arnold can't you forget California and give us one more movie...did I just say that?

Did I just ask for another Arnold movie...I don't even like his movies but that is what I need. Dear lord...this is it. This has to be the sign of the end of days (good grief another Arnold reference...although not a bad movie). When someone asks for a new Arnold movie the end must be near right?

Transformers

I am a fan boy when it comes to Transformers. Growing up it was Star Wars or Star Trek or GI Joe, it was Transformers. All I wanted growing up was a live action Transformers. How cool would that be? Well be careful what you ask for.

My though going into the first Transformers movie was how can someone screw it up. Transformers has a decent history, if you throw in the many different comic runs. Heck the announcement of Michael Bay didn't bother me. I like some of Bay's films. Armageddon was fun. Bad Boys was a good mix of action and comedy and it fit in the film. Heck I really like The Rock and that has Nicky Cage in it and he sucks ass.

But honestly how anyone can expect something good after Rise of the Fallen is beyond me. I gave Bay a pass on the first one, as I said earlier I kinda of liked it. Also let me say I want number 3 to be good. I really do. But it really pisses me off seeing things like Bay admitting that The Fallen was shit. You're the damn director you son of a bitch, if the script sucks fix it! That is like a coach saying "I knew the game plan wasn't going to work but we stuck with it".

Someone recently said "Hell even if it was a decent action movie because really what else will you get out of Transformers..."

What else will you get? You should get a movie that has a plot. The original series had plots. A what? Yes a plot. Were all the episodes of the cartoon good no. But in the series you had some pretty complex issues talked about especially when you look at episodes like The God Gambit from season 2.

When I was a kid it bothered me, to the point of nightmares, when thinking about the death of some of the Autobots in the 86 movie. Prowl's death especially. Did it bother me when Jazz died in the 07 movie? Nope. Why? Because he had been in the movie maybe 10 minutes. He had two lines maybe. That moment would have been devastating on the TV show because I had a reason to care. Each Transformer had personality. Each Transformers had character and it was shown. Instead Bay focused on stupid humor and Shia and his horrible acting.

What Bay doesn't understand is that people going to a TRANSFORMERS movie want transformers. Hell I can't tell you the name of most of the Transformers in the first two movies. At one point, and probably now if you give me some time, I could name ALL Of the Transformers seen in the first two seasons of the cartoon.

Give me a reason to care about Jazz dying. Give me a reason to care about Sam. Give me a reason to care about anything when it comes to these movies. So far it has been a bunch of scenes that really don't seem to fit together. Why was Prime brought back from the dead in the series? Because of the public outcry. Because people cared. Some people (Bay) don't understand emotional connections like that.

But Fat Man, you had 2.5 hours a week to get to know these characters. That is true but I have had about 5 hours to get to know the new transformers from the movies and I don't care. I don't care about Prime or Megatron. The other Transformers haven't had enough screen time to even call them characters. Sam and his girlfriend I sure don't connect with.

To sum it up all I want from a Transformers movie is:

1. Transformers that I tell from one another.
2. Character development
3. Plot
4. The absence of dogs humping, robot balls, robots pissing on people, etc.
5. Corey Burton as the voice of Shockwave (the orig. voice actor, that's me being a fan boy)

One final note. I bitched and moaned when Frank Welker wasn't Megatron. On the extras for the first movie you can hear Welker as Megs for a scene and it doesn't fit the new design for Megs. Now personally I say then you have a different design because Megatron should always be voiced by Welker but that was a good call. I don't know if I ever said that before. Atleast Bay and company cast Welker as Soundwave in the second film. One of the few bright spots.

In closing let me say I'll see number 3. I have no hope for it but I'll see it. Let me end this with a quote from the REAL Transformers movie that fits this blog entry and my mood to seeing a good Transformers 3...

"...there is no hope, no hope, no hope, no hope at all." -Blurr

Damn you Colbert!!

Stephen Colbert stole my gimmick! That son of a bitch stole the gimmick of saying you have something for someone in your pocket and then flipping them off. I've been doing that for years, maybe even a decade and he stole it! He was talking about suing the Wallstreet Journal for stealing his IPad pocket. Well Mr. Colbert, if that is your real name, if I had a lawyer you would be hearing from him. Sir, I have something for you in my pocket.... ..I.. (that is suppose to be me flipping him off)

Characters.....

Recently Entertainment Weekly released a top 100 list with the greatest characters of the last 20 years and honestly some of them made me sick. You can find the list here.



I realize that something like this subjective but being a journalist (see previous post here) I am going to say my list is better and that I know better than EW. Hey if people like Glenn Beck, Bill O'Reilly and Rachel Maddow can say they are right and everyone else is wrong I can too!

I am going to give you few guidelines for my list. First the character has to make you want to know more about them. Even knowing very little about the character you need to be intrigued by them. They need to have been around for more than a year. No character in the last year should be on the list. That isn't to say they aren't great characters and won't belong on the list by the end of their run but how can a character just "born" be one of the greatest. That is like saying a rookie quarterback is one of the greatest of all time after one year. One good year does not a legend make. The character also has to have staying power. A character that people will be talking about for years to come. Lastly it should a character that multiple people talk about. Young and old. Male and female. It shouldn't be a character just a certain group enjoy.

Honestly that removes a lot of EW's list. Some I don't even know. However let me say several REALLY don't belong on the list:

70. Mary Katherine Gallagher from Saturday Night Live, 67. Borat from Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, 40. Ron Burgundy from Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy.

One could argue Borat fits what I put above. He did get people talking and people were interested in him. I just wouldn't put him on the list because I don't like him or Sasha but Mary Katherine Gallagher and Ron Burgundy? Most people probably don't know who Mary Katherine is! Sadly I do and even saw the shitty movie the sketches spawned. Yeah I wonder why to, I blame the depression...or swamp gas.

Ok here is a list of characters that I would put a list in no order.

Vic Mackey
Eric Cartman
Dr. House
Dexter Morgan
Peter Griffin
Det. Alonzo Harris from Training Day
Keyser Söze
The Joker from The Dark Knight
Charlie Day
Capt. Reynolds
Col. Casey
Adrian Monk

Any of those characters I would love to sit down with and talk about their "lives". Do I want to do that with Edward Cullen or Jack Sparrow? No. Maybe I am looking at it differently than EW. Maybe my idea of great is different. Hell a lot of the people on their list I don't even know.

Overall I don't like the list and I sure in the hell don't think Harry Potter is number 2!

EDIT: I am adding this as I have been thinking about it and I might be wrong about Ron Burgundy and Harry Potter. Burgundy is quoted ALL THE TIME and Harry Potter did effect a generation like few characters have. I still don't like their list but some of their picks might be better than on first look. However I still want to know where Charlie Day is on the list. No Charlie or Monk is a tragedy.

An Open Letter to....

The following is an open letter to comedian Zach Galifianakis. I have no idea how to get a hold of him and I doubt this will work but some might laugh and maybe just maybe....:


Dear Mr. Galifianakis,

First off let me say that I am extremely happy for your recent success with films like the Hangover and G-Force. You are extremely talented and you deserve it. However have you thought about the ramifications of your actions? That your fame could be harmful for others?

Mr. Galifianakis, Zach if you don't mind me calling you that, your fame has been slowly killing me. Why? People think that I look like your character in The Hangover. Not just people...everyone. Let me tell you a little story Zach.

I am a manager of a cafe in a bookstore. Recently there was a soccer tournament in town with over a hundred teams in town. As you can imagine it brought a lot of people into the cafe. In the middle of this some of the young ladies of a team came up and said the words that I have grown to dread.

"Do you know you look like that guy from the Hangover?"

I want you to notice something, they don't say Zach Galifianakis (I always tell them your name, its only right), its the guy from the Hangover. Since the movie came out I have heard this. Actually there was one person before The Hangover told me that I looked like you.

These young ladies asked the question and I said yes I have heard that. They then did something I hadn't been asked before...could they get their picture taken with me. Yes, they wanted their picture taken with a guy in a green apron that looks like a guy in a movie. It happened again a few days ago, this time a guy taking a picture with me and his son.

Another time a customer had to walk away because she was laughing at how much I look like you.

Why am I writing this letter? Simple. Do you need a stand in? How about a personal assistant that looks like you? Or perhaps a double that can go on the crappier of talk shows. I figure that you have to be getting a lot scripts with people wanting you to be in their movies. I can be in those movie! Just think about it sir. Thank you for listening.

-Gene Bennett
Attached you will find a photo.