Movie Review: Bottom 100: Meet the Spartans

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is that you have come across this entry.  Today, 10/09/17, I am checking out a bottom 100 flick, #99 as of today, Meet the Spartans.  It stars Sean Maguire, Kevin Sorbo and Carmen Electra.  "The heroic Spartan king Leonidas, armed with nothing but leather underwear and a cape, leads a ragtag bunch of 13 Spartan misfit warriors to defend their homeland against thousands".  It currently has a 2.7 out of 10 with 92,906 votes.  I think I have seen this before so I am going to punish myself one more time for my dozens and dozens of readers.  The things I do for you people!

• Oh good grief...what am I doing to myself?
• These jokes are dated!  I mean so much so that people won't understand them 
• Really?  I don't think we needs to see shots of his balls 
• So this is the comedy of this flick huh?  This flick is already too long!
• 4 minutes in and already two balls jokes?  Really?
• Really mocking Anna Nicole's death?
• I am ashamed this movie was made and I had nothing to do with it!
• I never noticed Carmen had such weird/bad teeth
• Is this going to be one long gay joke?
• Okay that name was funny, Traitoro
• Why does "Britney" have a British Accent?  Or was that a Southern Accent
• I don't even know who that guy with the hair was!
• This pit of death joke should go into the pit of death!
• Yep gay jokes
• He is right, this isn't funny!
• Is it wrong that I already want to give this a 1
• I want to cut my own throat right now instead of finishing this, seriously this is awful
• Wait...he doesn't have any balls anymore?
• A cheap ripoff of 300 would actually be good compared to this dreck
• Did I say I'm ashamed this movie was made yet?
• My god....
• I can't believe they didn't screen this for critics....it would have killed most
• Seriously one gay joke would have been okay but so far every scene....really?
• I don't get it...Paris Hilton...
• Can you believe this flick was filmed in a week?  I can't because it couldn't have taken that long!
• I'd rather be watching one of those stupid dance battle flicks I think
• Yeah this flick is getting a 1, only because I can't give it a negative number
• Another reality show reference?
• But aren't all Spartans gay in this flick?
• Yet another gay joke....
• Seriously? 
• I wish I couldn't see or hear 
• You honestly couldn't pay me enough to be in this movie....no amount of money 
• I still don't get the Paris Hilton thing
• I still have 34 minutes of this shit?
• Is this a movie scene or did they stumble upon Carmen off camera?  
• There we go, it'd been a while since we had a balls joke
• And there we have yet another gay joke, excellent
• I wonder if anyone laughed at this movie
• Thank god they explained that "joke"
• Once again if you have to explain the jokes that much it is a bad joke
• If he is dead why another 20 minutes?
• Again aren't they all gay?
• So many crotch blurs
• This stupid dance scene probably took up two or three days of filming which probably should've been spent working on the script!
• Why would they want to eat at Hooters?
• So they didn't put these scenes in the movie but it is so bad and short they had to extend the credits?
• Thank god an Episode of Psych is next in my queue! (laughed more in the first 5 minutes then in the 80 minutes of this flick for the record!)

That...that was one of the most painful yet.  I honestly don't know why I didn't shut it off.  Yes I do because I assumed it couldn't be this bad the entire time...and it was.  It was maybe the most unfunny thing I've seen in my entire life.  Well that and all of their other movies.  Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer are perhaps the most unfunny people in Hollywood.  They have a Star Wars spoof coming out according to IMDB and I wish I could already give it a 1.  

Seriously do not watch this shit, I am ashamed it was made an that anyone watched it.  It actually made 8 million dollars which is even worse. Avoid this and anything by these idiots!

Movie Review: Rogue One

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening....whenever it is you have found todays entry.  Today, 10/10/17, I am checking out the Star Wars Rogue One flick.  It stars Felicity Jones, Diego Luna and Alan Tudyk.  "The Rebel Alliance makes a risky move to steal the plans for the Death Star, setting up the epic saga to follow."  I am not a huge fan of Star Wars but we will see if I like this one...I'm hoping for some Jar Jar love here, the best character in Star Wars history (yes...let me feel your hate!)  Oh it has a 7.9 on IMDB with 366,603 votes (I'm surprised it is that low, I figured all the Star Wars nerds would have given it a 12/10)

• There is our star I bet, in the past
• Yes trust the force, it has done so much for us so far...you know since we're filthy living in dirt and squaler
• Are they going to get sued by Battlestar Galactica?
• That kid runs funny
• The kid who is against the Empire had a Stormtrooper doll?  That doesn't make much sense
• Forest Whitaker is in this?  Nice, at least this one will have some decent acting...writing probably not so much but acting
• JESUS HE JUST KILLED HIS CONTACT!  The Rebels are such nice people, I can see what I would trust them
• The future...er....past....er....whatever sure is dirty
• CHOKESLAM!

• How many planets have we seen already?  Instead of wipes in this flick it is going to be new planets, at least it is something new for Lucas
• The rebels sure are nice people...have I mentioned that
• Does Star Wars have to have robots?
• And do all robots have to be annoying
• What is what Star Wars always having a shot of people watching a ship take off?
• Okay maybe I'm wrong about good acting, it looks like they gave Forrest a stupid gimmick
• The Star Wars Universe does love their capes don't they?
• I hope Forrest got a lot of money for this and what the director wanted for his "performance"
• Good grief what was that?  Chuckys Star Wars cousin?

found this by searching for stupid looking star wars creatures rogue one

• The thing above looks like a critter with a body
• I love that Storm troopers can't shoot anyone or anything but everyone else is like the crew of the Walking Dead, never missing
• this is such a weird story and like so many star wars before it I am bored
• Fire in space?
• Are we sure this main character isn't the same as in Chapter 7?  She behaves the same
• I can't understand a word that guy is saying
• Wait...he is going to shoot the guy who is helping them?  I don't get this rebellion group
• Why is it the Alliance hasn't replaced the Storm troopers since they are completely incompetent.  
• What is the line from Spaceballs because good is stupid?  Yeah...talking about you Jyn
• Didn't move any of those other bodies though huh?  Guess if you're laying down nothing can move a body
• Wait...shouldn't Vader be crying right now?  That is what Vader does right
• Is that Ackbar?  
• So there is a rebellion in the rebellion?
• A bunch of steam as the doors open seems like a horrible flaw for things like an ambush
• That scene was pointless, just to put C3PO in the flick
• instead of running from the AT-AT shouldn't you run toward it so it can't shoot you?
• Goodbye Porkins....oh wait are you saying that isn't this movie?  Are you sure?  Okay
• They are only NOW sending all those tie fighters out?  Why?  
• So they can build robots but they still use tape technology like in Hackers?
• Those ones have black armor, are they like level 2 storm troopers?
• Why is there wind in the data storage tower thing?
• Of course, the blind guy can do it because the force is with him, of course
• Why aren't they shooting the guy cradling his dead buddy?
• Wait....are the storm troopers actually able to shoot and kill people suddenly?
• Ah yes the Video Game moment
• So it only broadcasts if it straight up and down?  Why make it move then?
• And why put it out on the end of a giant bridge?
• Who designed this shit?
• So everyone dies?  
• Ah the second video game moment with Vader attacking the ship
• Well that was creepy!

Well that was a movie.  I think like most Star Wars it is over rated.  7.9 is too high, I guess I'll give it a 7/10.  It is average.  However the stupid character design and weird gimmicks with little to no reasoning bugged me.

And I'm sorry there are so many weird plot holes that I could drive an imperial cruiser through to give it any higher and honestly I am going to readjust and give it a 6/10.  Take in the average acting and that dropped the score down.  Sorry to fan boys out there that loved this flick but I just didn't.  I feel like there was stuff left out for me to understand.  Now you could argue that this was for star wars fans and they "know" all that was left out but that doesn't make a good movie.  

So give me your hate fan boys, I'll take it and love it!  LONG LIVE JAR JAR BINKS!!!

Movie Review: The Accountant

Good morning, good afternoon good evening...whenever it is you have found this review.  Today (9/26/17) I am checking out The Accountant.  "As a math savant uncooks the books for a new client, the Treasury Department closes in on his activities, and the body count starts to rise."  It stars Ben Affleck, Anna Kendrick and J.K. Simmons.  As of today the flick has a 7.4 with 186,772 votes.

• Uggg, this movie is over 2 hours
• I just re-read the synopsis from IMDB and for somer eason made me laugh
• Is this....that flick with Bruce WIllis and the autistic kid?
• Strange....they just described a lot of my "issues"
• The little kid looks like a young Jared from Subway...the irony there is....not wasted on me
• Good accountant, finding the duductions
• YAY JK SIMMONS!
• The number three is very soothing.....
• Okay I'm not that bad!
• I feel sorry for people who have to deal with children with those issues, it would not be easy at all
• Jeffrey Tambor is in this too?
• Why is Affleck's character in jail?  Hope we find out why
• Who is this guy?
• Very good cast in this flick
• Shane?  I do like me some Shane
• I do kind of like Wolff, I understand him.  I work very hard NOT to be him
• Gotta have a pocket protector, I've ruined a few shirts myself
• Uggg, stop talking and leave him alone, I hate people who won't shut up and talk to you
• Who knew account was so cool?  I would have gone into it!
• Stuff being out of order sucks...and what is with the leg rolling thing?
• You won't be able to follow a guy like this I don't think, but maybe I'm wrong
• Not your typical book keeper 
• I can't figure out, is he a good guy or a bad guy?
• I would like that camper, its nice
• Don't use sarcasm?  Really?  That is just....weird
• I find this a weird role for Anna, I know she does multiple roles but mostly see her in comedies I feel (or maybe I watch more comedies)
• That is a plan, not sure if it a great plan
• Bet she didn't have designs on that...because she was on designing women...
• This flick is getting long in the tooth I'll be honest...damn should have come up with a better pun...maybe a Wolff pun....screw it I'll stick with it
• Different does scare people...
• So is "Shane" cleaning up/protecting his brother?  No...he doesn't know who the accountant is
• Freak?  "Shane" is starting to understand/figure it out I think
• I wonder how true this kind of stuff is?  I wonder if this kind of thing has happened
• DAMN!
• Never understood smoke, doesn't it hamper both sides equally typically?
• Triple tap, good thinking
• I forget that Affleck can be a pretty good actor at times
• Wait...he didn't change he clip till AFTER he got there?
• Family drama always sucks
• Well that ending with Justine made me smile

I enjoyed this flick.  Maybe my lack of sleep is causing me to read too much into the flick but I fell like part of it is saying that different is okay.  Sure they had him kill some 20+ people but I enjoyed it. 

The action was well done and I didn't feel the autism was overdone but actually it felt very well done. The acting was fantastic which you'd expect from this cast.  A cast of all wonderful actors who can do so many different roles

I guess I'd stick with the crowd and give it a 7/10.  The story and acting was good/well done but there wasn't anything that made me say "OH MY GOD" throughout.  It was just a well done solid flick with well done solid everything.  The one complaint, which is almost in every review I do, is that it is long.  2 hours is a long flick.  But worth watching if you come across it!

Movie Review: Denial

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you have found this entry.  Today (9/25/17) I am checking out the flick Denial.  "Acclaimed writer and historian Deborah E. Lipstadt must battle for historical truth to prove the Holocaust actually occurred when David Irving, a renowned denier, sues her for libel."  It stars Rachel Weisz, Tom Wilkinson and Timothy Spall.  It currently has 6.6 over on IMDB with 10,711 votes.  I don't have any knowledge about this story or movie so if I say things that are known about the story excuse me.

• Yeah this flick is going to a laugh a minute (sarcasm)
• I do love the NPR morning edition music
• That guy driving looked like a killer, are they going to assassinate her?
• That guy would be a good heel
• Uggg, even fake skin heads make me sick to my stomach
• I belief that those comments do constitute libal
• Interesting, she believes that she was born for something special
• This is a very good haircut for Rachel, very flattering for her
• This is disgusting if this is actually what happened, I hate people
• This scene is hard to watch
• Santa Claus is the judge?
• This disgusting denier is very good, no holes in the roof, I saw that right away 
• This is a hard movie to watch yet captivating
• Bagel...not toasted?  Weird and gross
• Very hard to watch...

I'm sorry I didn't type much in this.  It is very interesting and well done.  I'm actually quite surprised that it has the rating that it does.  Everything was done so well from the writing to the acting to the filming.  Everything.

If you want to see a good movie check this out.  I will not say anything more about this other then I suggest you see this if for nothing else the excellent acting.  I give it an 8/10 but even if I gave it a 1 it is something that should be watched.  

Movie Review: I.T.

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, whenever it is you have come across this entry.  Today (9/24/17) I am checking out the flick I.T.  It stars Pierce Brosnan, Jason Barry and Karen Moskow.  It currently has a rating of 5.4/10 with 10,335 votes.  "A self-proclaimed millionaire, has his life turned upside down after firing his I.T. consultant."  This should let everyone know not to mess with your I.T. guys...after years of dealing with end users we all might be a little mentally unstable!

• So far nothing has happened, just nothing
• Is Pierce using a different accent?
• This IT guy is making us all look like weirdos
• And he is a creep and stalker!  Great!
• He seems a little old for the girl he is stalking
• Is he really showing up at his bosses house randomly?
• He does have a really nice setup in his house though, I'd love to have like 10 monitors...I don't know why....probably because it looks so cool on TV and movies
• Bad stalker or worst stalker?
• I don't want to think about this, she is 17!  I'm sure the actress isn't but still
• This is very illogical, why is he coming on so strong?  Maybe we'll find out why soon
• This is already a little long drawn out
• At least he knew right away it was it was Porter
• So in this movie universe the doctors just email you that you have cancer?
• Oh no, he didn't really send that to the school did he?  That is...well...awful
• She is blaming her husband?  Like he knew he was insane?
• Why did it take this guy to figure out the first thing you do is "dumb" your house?
• Interesting role reversal
• Really?  It comes down to a hostage situation?  This script is not good
• Thank goodness for the random HURRICANE that is happening 

There isn't a lot for me to say to this flick really.  It had the ground work for a really cool story but it went off the rails quickly due to a poor script.  The acting was really well done and act one was as well.  Act two started off strong and then by act three I was shaking my head.  The police just ignoring people was just the start. 

Overall I think the 5 is a little high unfortunately but not because of the actors.  I blame the director and script here.  A good idea that just didn't blossom into a good flick.  4/10 for this one.  I wouldn't search this one out boys and girls.