Movie Review: Bottom 100 #19: Gigli

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you have found this entry.  Today, 8/15/18, I am checking out the Bottom 100 flick Gigli.  It stars Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lopez, and Justin Bartha.  "Larry Gigli is assigned by a crime boss to kidnap the brother of a prominent district attorney. A beautiful woman known only as Ricki is sent to stay with him to make sure he doesn't mess up the job."

• Always good to start with a voice over!
• Oh no voice over, talking to a guy in a dryer...of course
• That accent is awful!
• Why do mobsters always talk like this?  You know in a certain way that is obvious but not if you get what I am saying
• Wow...so basically this kid is a very poor mans Rain Man
• Now I know why they decided that this guy was not in Hangover very much, they were afraid he would be like this
• Good grief but the dialogue in this flick makes my head hurt!
• OH MY GOD, THIS IS TWO HOURS LONG!  WHY DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN WHY!
• The writer and director retired after this.  Probably should have done that before doing this flick!
• According to IMDB the word "fuck" is used one hundred twenty-four times.
• Sweet baby Jesus...this script is awful
• Supposedly the director based Brian on real mental patients.  
• Wait...how did they remove the mental patient with no one noticing?  As someone who has been in a mental ward, you do NOT just walk in and out
• I did NOT pay to see this but I am demanding my money back and the salary of Ben and Jennifer, which was 25.5 million or in that neighbourhood
• Really?  REALLY!  This scene got left in somehow?
• Halle Berry was correct in dropping out of this shit!
• Good grief he basically just did the Tommy Boy gun show point!
• Why do they always make mobsters dress the same...or do they actually dress like that?  If so why not just round up all the bad dressers!
• Why did he let Walken in?  And how can he make this scene tolerable when it should have been dreadful!
• How did this script become an actual film?
• I am only an hour into this flick?  I should be drinking
• Random suicide scene to show their humanity of course
• Why take Brian...oh of course for comedic purposes!
• A butter knife?  Can you cut off a thumb with a butter knife?
• Yep... of course, he starts singing Big Butts while he is doing this
• I do like Afflecks hair in this flick though, I would look good with that cut
• Wait...fingerprints and spit
• Dykeasaurs Rex?  Nice!
• Turkey Time?
• Most guys need a handicap for life lets be honest!
• Time for the awkward love scene when Brian walks in right?
• Bet Larry is regretting not taking the blondes offer of a threesome now!  Haha
• Why?  Dear lord why is he in this flick?
• Was that Dory eating that guys brain?  Is that how she become stupid?
• So Lewis...or Louis....or Luis...or however they spell it did all this on his own is that what he is implying
• Wow they really just had her talk to the mob boss like that huh
• Hey there is Baywatch!
• Okay Brian talking to the girl in pink made me smile

Dear lord that was bad.  I mean that was painful to watch.  The script might be one of the worst scripts I have ever seen made.  I am talking Birdemic and Room level bad.  The guy who wrote Scent of a Women wrote this huh?  I have not seen Scent of a Woman but makes me wonder about that flick.  I know the blind car driving scene gets mocked a lot so maybe there is a reason for that.

As for the story itself, it was there.  It was flat in my opinion.  For some reason the mobster with a heart of gold just does not usually fit.  There was no reason for him to be that way...oh right Ricky and Brian changed him in just a couple of days.

The acting was horrible between Ben and Jennifer.  I mean those two were so damn flat and there was no chemistry there in my opinion.  

The character of Brian, Justin Bartha, actually grew on me near the end.  The character itself seemed more toned down the further into the flick and that was needed.  Early on it was so over the top it was like a parody of Rain Main.  

Also there were just random scenes like Walken and Pacino randomly there for one scene that really did not mean much of anything.

Overall I think the current rating of 2.4 is correct.  I give it 2/10.  It was extremely poorly performed by the main actors, poorly directed, poorly written and poorly editted.  It took the top 5 Razzies the year it came out for a reason boys and girls.  

I can NOT give you any reaosn to watch this flick.  If you have 121 minutes to waste got watch 6 episodes of Bobs Burgers!