Movie Review: Bottom 100 #14: Alone in the Dark

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you have found this entry.  Today, 8/11/18, I am checking out the bottom 100 flick Alone in the Dark.  It stars Christian Slater, Tara Reid and Stephen Dorff (good grief, who thought that would be a good cast...oh of course it is Uwe Boll!)  "A detective of the paranormal slowly unravels mysterious events with deadly results."  There is no way that this movie did NOT end up in the bottom 100!  It currently has a 2.3/10 with nearly 40k worth of votes.  Lets go see why the only people who saw this movie did so alone...while in the dark!

• I am glad they are reading the scroll, that is a shit ton to read!  This is a movie not a book damn it!
• Of course it is the fault of the Native Americans!  Look what they did to that poor family in Poltergeist!
• Your mom is a bitch that did not teach you to keep that trap of yours shut!
• Wait there are more voiceovers?  
• That is the kid from Rampage series by the same director!  He is actually pretty good
• Random taxi chase!  YES!
• He just karate kicked that guy like 15 feet!  
• Good grief Boll is SUCH a bad director and almost all his movies are so bad, I am not drunk enough for this flick!
• There are still ice factories in America in 2005?  Where?  Why?
• Good grief, Tara is a curator?  I am not sure if she can even walk into a museum let alone run one!
• Yeah, that guy is probably just going to load it on the truck, not steal something that is SOLID GOLD
• Oh he did not even bother to wait till it was on the truck, he just opened it.  Even though the guy said it kept back evil?  Greed is a powerful thing
• Oh shit, you are in trouble dude, the lights are flashing, that means you are fucked!
• Who are these people?
• Reid looks so weird now with her...um...enhancements
• Again...random voiceovers!
• So many pointless scenes
• Reids acting is just as bad without her enhancements though
• bad CGI or worst CGI?
• Night at the Museum sure did not make it seem as dangerous as it really is.  Look at this flick and Relic and the like!
• Three person team....and they split up?  
• Wait...I thought they split up?  Who directed this...oh right...
• Yeah you are not 713 anymore buddy!
• Its like a really bad video game plot...with a writer who is 12 years old
• WTF?  Random sex scene for no reason what so ever
• She made no noise what so ever, she should have atleast went "offff" or something like that right?  
• Wait...why not give the wife an insect thing too?
• My god she is awful, I do not believe she even knows what most of those words mean!
• I think he has the best karate kicks in the history of kicks!
• Ah yes the classic Boll shooting scene.  I think he does one of these scenes in every one of his flicks!
• Wait...they are zombies like creatures now that eat people?
• Why take the civilian?
• In the trivia over on IMDB even Boll regrets casting Reid in this flick, how sad is that!
• The flick is not over yet but I will tell you that this flick is easily a 1/10
• Why did that guy CHARGE the killer monsters?
• Its like they took everything good from the Alien flicks and ruined it and bastardized it into something horrible
• Okay this flick is going on WAY too long and it is only 100 or some minutes, should have been 80ish at most!
• Wait why did he open teh door and take the bomb out of the room?  I am confused!
• So by opening the door all people were killed?  Thanos should have just opened that door!

Well that was one of the worst things I have ever sat through.  I have nothing good to say about it.  The acting was unbelievable and the CGI was bad.  There was nothing good about it.  Nothing.  I am sorry for everyone involved in this film.  Do NOT watch this film...ever!