2016/06/28

Movie Review: Mike and Dave need Wedding Dates


Good morning, good afternoon, good evening....whenever it is you've come across this blog.  Last night, 6/27/16, I got a chance to go see an early screening of the flick Mike and Dave need Wedding Dates.  "Two brothers place an online ad to find dates for a wedding and the ad goes viral."  It stars Aubrey Plaza, Anna Kendrick, Adam Devine and Zac Efron.

I will admit the first preview I saw of this a few months ago I was not interested in seeing this flick at all.  It looked...well it looked extremely stupid.  The idea is basically Mike and Dave are two brothers who end up screwing up all their families get togethers and their sister is getting married.  Their dad, played by the wonderful Stephen Root, demand they bring dates to keep them in line.  Enter Tatiana and Alice who are the female version of the brothers.  They fake being "good girls" for a free trip to Hawaii.  Hilarity ensues!

And I mean hilarity.  I have not laughed this hard at a movie for a long time, maybe the last time was Zach and Miri.  Mini Jack Black, Adam Devine...look at him and watch him act...is fantastic! Actually all of them are I shouldn't try to single out one person.

I don't want to go too in depth in anything because I can't do it justice!  I will say the massage scene stole the show for me...well that and the horse scene.  

I can't do this flick justice in any kind of review really.  Is it stupid?  Extremely!  Is it crude? Extremely!  Is it one of the funniest flicks I've seen in awhile...absolutely!  This flick opens July 8th and I suggest you go see.  I give it a 8/10.  I literally laughed myself hoarse!  Go see this flick!

2016/06/27

Movie Review: Independence Day: Resurgence


Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you happened upon this set of movie ramblings!  Sunday afternoon I went out and saw the most recent big budget blockbuster Independence Day: Resurgence!  A movie 20 years in the making...that makes me feel REALLY old since I remember seeing the first one in theaters...over in East Lansing, Michigan.  "Two decades after the first Independence Day invasion, Earth is faced with a new extra-Solar threat. But will mankind's new space defenses be enough?"  It stars Liam Hemsworth, Jeff Goldblum and Bill Pullman.  On IMDB as of 6/27/16 it has a 5.8 out of 10.

Let me start with what I didn't like about the flick.  First off the absence of Will Smith hurt the film in my opinion.  It was missing that fun factor that I really liked with the first flick.  I know there are people out there who don't like Smith but everything I've seen him in is fun.  Maybe not great but fun and honestly that is important in a movie especially most of the flicks he makes.  This movie was missing that fun comedy that was so well done in the first one...in my opinion.  I leaned over to my girlfriend and said something to the effect "you won't hear me say this often but this flick needed MORE comedy".  That isn't to say that it wasn't there, more on that later, but I felt it needed a few more moments.  I also felt like there was very little to this flick.  I know you can't re-create the big budget disaster invasion flick but it felt very much like a retread of the first, a few new characters and a new coat of paint so to speak.  

What I liked about this film was that it paid homage to the first film with the return of Bill Pullman, Jeff Goldblum, Judd Hirsch, Brent Spiner and Vivica A. Fox.  I hate when films ignore their own past if there is a link/continual history.  On that front the inclusion of the Spiner character was fantastic and one of the best parts.  He was one of the highlights of the first and continued doing the same here. His character gave some of the best moments and the neurotic Dr. Brakish Okun is a welcome character, and actually gave one of the best scenes in my opinion near the end.  The same goes for Judd Hirsch character.  The character/alien designs were well done as well even though I felt like the Queen looked a little bit like the Cloverfield monster.  There was also the inclusion of an African Warlord whose people fought a ground war with the aliens and Nicolas Wright's character which was fantastic.  I'd actually would have liked to see MORE of these two characters together.  Wright's character was actually a bright spot for me and reminded me of a character John Oliver would have played.

There were a few things that were just there for me.  The young soldiers in the flick were just there. They tried to give them a backstory for their history but it felt flat.  It was typical best friends suddenly don't like each other but then get back together because they have a common goal stuff. Old story telling that isn't bad but just felt a little forced and not needed.  I was also surprised that Jessie T. Usher, who plays the son of Will Smith and Vivica A. Fox in the film, wasn't a more important character.  They focused more on Hensworth character which felt weird but from a marketing standpoint made sense...and possibly an acting standpoint as I wasn't real impressed with Ushers screen presence.  

Overall I give it a 6/10.  Nothing great or groundbreaking but it didn't shit the bed either.  It was basically what I expected.  Stuff blowing up, one liners and Jeff Goldblum doing his usual stammering which is good.  I don't know if it is something I'd check out again but worth a viewing if you like this type of flick.  I would recommending seeing this in a nice theater with good sound and picture.  I kind of wish we had gone to see it in IMax or other large screen format instead of a regular theater, it might have made me like it a little more.

Until next time folks, be kind to each other and.....Abyssinia!

2016/06/25

Movie Review: Bigfoot vs. Zombies


Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is that you're reading this (and with this movie I wonder why ANYONE is reading this).  I am back for another movie review.  This time I'm checking out Bigfoot vs. Zombies.  "A scientist creates a toxic cocktail that is accidentally unleashed into the local population and a nearby police "body farm" - creating a small army of flesh-eating zombies - and only one creature of legend, a killer in his own right, can stop the growing hordes of the undead and save humanity."  It stars James Carolus, Todd Carpenter and Bob Dennis.  As of 6/25/16 it has a 2.3 on IMDB...which should put it in the bottom 100 but there needs to have 1500 reviews of the flick.
  • Well that is the worst first line ever in a movie.  
  • Is she taking random pictures of nothing?  I don't think those would even be considered artsy
  • Not a horrible big foot costume however after seeing Yeti a gay love story!
  • I attempted this before and it is just as bad now
  • HORRIBLE CUT!
  • That guy is the best they could do for her to fawn over?  
  • Good grief this is painful and I am not 10 minutes in
  • WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THAT GUYS HEAD?!?!
  • We get both zombie and bigfoot vision....nice
  • Is he a zombie or a peeper/pervert
  • How....how did she do that?  SHE IS A WITCH!
  • She is not in front of the camera!
  • Printed out porn?  Can't even get an old JUGGS or make a fake one with someone in a swimsuit?
  • That cut just cut off dialog!  
  • How do they not see these "zombies" walking toward the van
  • I think that one zombie is Jared from Storage Wars
  • There is a guy who took credit for editing this?  Really?
  • Nice hand dismissal
  • What was he doing?  Trying to hear what he was seeing?
  • I was wrong about the bigfoot outfit, very wrong
  • This officially has the worst editing in the history of film
  • OH MY GOD!  This guts were just red cloth
  • Cute as a button?  Even I wouldn't say that!
  • Worst...dialog....ever
  • I'm tempted to shut this off, this is bad bad, not fun bad
  • I don't think booze or drugs could make this flick enjoyable
  • This flick makes Asylum flicks look good
  • Zombie Stu had the longest takes the longest time ever to bit someone
  • Is this going to turn into Yet a non-gay love story?
  • Broom sweeps both ways?
  • Ah yes smart zombies
  • They can talk?
  • Yep, Yeti a non-gay love story!  I KNEW IT!
  • Probably should shut the door their guys
  • That was the weirdest door breaking sound ever
  • WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?
I try to be nice about these films.  They are out doing what they love making movies and acting and what not.  They are doing what some only dream of doing.  

However this was awful.  There was really nothing good here.  The acting reminded me of a high school play.  The "effects" make Birdemic look like Avatar.  I can't really say anything good and I don't like to be like that typically.

I can't recommend anyone watch this.  1/10 for this and that is being generous.

2016/06/21

Bottom 100: Going Overboard


Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you've stumbled upon this blog entry. This time I am returning to the bottom 100.  This time it is the Adam Sandler classic Going Overboard.  As of 6/18/16 this flick has a 1.9 and is currently #19 on the bottom 100 list.  "A struggling young comedian takes a menial job on a cruise ship where he hopes for his big chance to make it in the world of cruise ship comedy."  It stars Adam Sandler, Billy Bob Thornton and Billy Zane.
  • Quite the cast
  • Good grief, where did they find those girls?
  • Good grief, he is basically doing the same crap crap he did early on on SNL
  • No budget flick is right, they are being very honest up front and I respect that!
  • I don't know if I will be able to finish this!
  • Already too much 3rd wall breaking
  • Should have shot the direct/writer of this flick before it was made
  • I wonder if these beauty pageant people had lines or if this what they really said...well most of them
  • Good grief this scene takes forever
  • This flick cost $200,000?  Really?
  • This flick is one of the worst things I've seen and that is saying something!
  • You're an 8, urinate....wow that is awful
  • ITS THE HAPPY MADISON GUY!  I think he is in everything with Adam Sandler
  • GROSS A MIDGET!
  • Not a lot of comments because how many times can I say something is bad?
  • What is Burt Young doing in this flick?
  • Locked in the bathroom?  Really?
  • This might be the longest movie I've ever seen....or taking the longest
  • A comedy is suppose to make me laugh right?
  • I can see why Adam Sandler doesn't acknowledge this flick
  • Good grief everything in this flick is bad.  Billy Zane is awful
  • Billy Bob Thornton just showed up...and that is not a good thing
  • Oh god...no...not ANOTHER musical number.  Wasn't one enough
  • Wait...this is the music that dude does?  Really?
  • No....did Milton Berle just show up in this flick?  WHY!

  • What happened to her heels?
  • Terrorist have taken over the ship yet there are people out sunbathing?  And there wasn't any comedy involved?
  • Is that girl having some kind of fit?
  • Kill me...please
  • Just when I thought it was over
Good grief...why do I do this?  I honestly think that movie is responsible for Swine Flu or some other horrible illness!  I give it a 1 only because a zero isn't an option in IMDB.  

Dear lord that was one of the worst things I have EVER seen.  I can give you NOTHING good about the flick.  Nothing.  Do NOT watch this under any circumstance!  NEVER!  This film should be banned by the Geneva Convention!  This should be used in place of water boarding!  

I can't tell you how bad this is because the words don't exist.  I would rather watch Manos:  Hands of Fate on an infinite loop then watch this again.  

Adam Sandler should buy the rights to this film, ever print, every VHS and every DVD and burn them all and ask for forgiveness!

I need to go wash my eyes out with bleach and try to forget this steaming pile of crap.  Until next time...

2016/06/18

Movie Review: Amityville Haunting



Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you've come across this blog.  Today I'm checking out the found footage horror flick Amityville Haunting.  Over on IMDB it has a 2.8 as of 6/15/16.  "This movie is a 'found-footage' film about the Benson family who move in to the infamous house where the DeFeo family were murdered in the 1970s over 30 years earlier. Things start ..."  It stars Luke Barnett, Casey Campbell, Devin Clark.

  • Has the evil returned?  32 years later?  This is real huh?
  • So the house is empty
  • Five universal codes huh?
  • The evil spirit is against sex tapes huh?
  • Well that escalated quickly
  • That dad is a douche
  • Actually both parents are kinda douchey
  • And the brother sure likes to videotape his sister
  • John Matthews?
  • These guys don't know about the Anmityville house?  Never heard of movies I guess
  • Found footage flicks are really starting to loose their appeal to me
  • Wow a lot of people randomly die in this flick
  • Wow mom is being pretty open to her teenage son
  • Should have known this was yet another Asylum flick!
  • That is her trying to stay calm?
  • How did the realtor die?   No explanation at all huh
  • On the realtor died of an aneurysm
  • That isn't a ladder sunshine
  • Really getting tired of the static shot
  • 3:15 is when what all started?
  • The dad is a complete jerk!
  • This flick is pretty damn boring
  • How did the cop know the kids name?
  • So he doesn't know this cop?  They seem awful friendly
  • Not my department?  
  • First cool thing happened, the door opened for the little girl
  • How is this flick so boring
  • Dad going crazy wasn't hard to miss coming
  • How did they not hear that screaming?
  • Bye bye mom
  • Worst death scene....ever?
I watch a lot of bad movies and this is one.  I give it a 1/10.  

I really have nothing good to say about this flick.  It was nearly 90 minutes with very little action and mostly bad acting.  

I would go on more about it but honestly you name it it was bad in this flick.  Even the camera work was poor with the blackout/static/interference effect overused.

I guess if I want to be nice the door opening and closing effect was done well but that sure isn't enough to say watch this flick

In fact I would say avoid this flick.  Avoid it, avoid it, avoid it!  

I am not even going to bother finding anything but the cover for this flick.  It was flat out BAD!

2016/06/14

Movie Review: The Conjuring 2


Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you've stumbled upon this review. Today will be a little different as it is a flick I saw in the theaters so no blow by blow as it were more of just my thoughts after the fact.  This flick stars Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson and Madison Wolfe. "Lorraine and Ed Warren travel to north London to help a single mother raising four children alone in a house plagued by malicious spirits."  As of 6/14/2016 it has an IMDB score of 8.2.

If you're unfamiliar with the Warren's they are a team of investigators from the 70's probably best know for the The Amityville Horror investigation.

This flick was very well done in every aspect.  I honestly have a hard time thinking of something I didn't like which is rare for me as you all know!

The acting is fantastic and Vera and Patrick are amazing and have great chemistry on the screen.  I honestly believe they have a personal connection during several scenes especially the scene where Patrick plays the guitar and when they dance.

The children do a fantastic job, especially the two girls.  Horror isn't easy to make look believable but these two, especially Madison who plays Janet, did a wonderful amazing job.  The mother also did a great job.  That isn't taking away from the two boys but they didn't get nearly the screen time that the girls got.


The story itself is a "true" story so I can't say a lot of about the storyline but the dialog was well done and at no point did it seems really out of place or anything like that.  I don't know about the truth behind the story but even so a great story.

Oh and let me say something about the demon in this flick.  Extremely creepy looking and actress Bonnie Aarons does a wonderful job in the role as well.


Honestly trying to figure out something bad is hard.  I didn't like how they figured out it "wasn't" a hoax.  It was interesting but seemed like a stretch to me and I wonder if that was a Hollywood device or if that is really how Ed figured out what was going on.

Aside from that I can't really nitpick anything else upon a viewing in the theater without notes and what not which means it is very good.  I would give it a 8.5 (9 on IMDB since you can't do partials). I really enjoyed it and might even go see it in the theaters again. 

If you enjoy suspense and/or horror it is worth seeing.....

Wait...there is one other thing I can nitpick if I had to.  I felt the escalation of the haunting was a little quick.  I guess I would have cut out a little bit of the Warren's story line out, especially the losing of the faith, and ramped up the haunting a little more.  I know the director put in the scenes with Lorraine and the nun but I felt there were a few too many and I felt the storyline of the haunting got overshadowed.

Now back to what I was saying, if you like horror and/or suspense it is worth seeing on the big screen.  

2016/06/13

Babadook: A Movie Review

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenver it you've found this blog.  This time I'm watching the award winning flick The Babadook.  "A single mother, plagued by the violent death of her husband, battles with her son's fear of a monster lurking in the house, but soon discovers a sinister presence all around her."  It stars Essie Davis, Noah Wiseman and Daniel Henshall.  As of 6/5/16 it has a 6.8 on IMDB.
  • I wouldn't want her reading me a bedtime story.  Sounds like she is reading a horror story no matter what
  • His mom is CREEPY!
  • Who sets their alarm for 7:08?
  • So the creepy mom has a creepy son, makes sense
  • Seriously this kid is creepy!
  • Don't most six year old still believe in monsters?  I think I did till I was....how old am I now?
  • She wonders why her kid is messed up, did you see that magician?  
  • This flick is full of just creepy looking people
  • Yeah rip up that book, that'll teach the Babadook!
  • Wow that little girl is horrible
  • It is official, Samuel is the creepiest kid I can remember in a flick
  • Who just opens the door without looking through the peephole?  Twice?
  • The Babadook can use the phone?  AWESOME!!
  • Sorry I got engrossed in this flick
  • Poor puppy dog, she really is a monster!
  • But this chick is obviously going to win mother of the year
  • Damn this kid is hardcore!
  • I wonder if this is what a mental break down feels like
  • Where did the creator get the idea of the Babadook design from I wonder
  • Don't mess with a mom and her children I guess
  • Seriously that kid is annoying as sin
  • I think the kid just had a second fit....wait...I'm being told that was a celebration dance....
Well that was odd.  I don't know what to say about that flick to be honest.  It did pull me in which is a good thing but sweet baby jebus the young kid was annoying as sin!

Overall I give it a 6/10.  Nothing ground breaking but nothing that made me want drown myself in the tub either.

I'm nnot sure what to think of the ending of the flick.  It is an interesting idea and as my lovely girlfriend said I guess it is a metaphor for facing your own fears but what was the deal with it suddenly staying in the basement and being feed?  That is the part I don't get.  Are they implying that it was always in the basement and it was set loose when Sammy Boy went down to have his weird magic show?  

The acting was actually pretty well done aside from the sister and the niece/cousin.  The mom did a great job of doing the crazy bitch and the sorry mom thing.  Sammy Boy was well done as well, I just also found him annoying as a piece of popcorn stuck in your teeth.  He was weird looking and sounding and well now I guess I'm just being mean!

I felt it was a little long in the tooth however if I have to be critical.  I would have cut the scene at the police station since it didn't really add much to the flick.  Neither did the random scene with the guy friend showing up randomly.  Just to show that she had lied about him being sick?  Or the slight change in his mom?  Either way it didn't really move the narrative along much.  Also I would have cut out the part with the cousin mocking his lack of a dad and only had her get pushed out of the tree house.  Continue with the idea that he is getting more and more violent.  Then you had the random seizure/fit that wasn't mentioned again.  So a few scenes could have been cut...oh and the random conversation in the supermarket!

The idea and presentation was extremely creepy till the end and it had me hooked for the middle third for sure.  The beginning was slow and I disliked the end from the time the husband shows back up.

It is worth checking out however if you like suspense horror.

2016/06/11

Movie Review: Zoombies


Good morning, good afternoon, good evening....whenever it is you found this entry.  Today I'm watching the 2016, and future Bottom 100 flick, Zoombies!  "When a strange virus quickly spreads through a safari park and turns all the zoo animals undead, those left in the park must stop the creatures before they escape and zombify the whole city."  It stars Ione Butler, Andrew Asper and LaLa Nestor.  I don't know how this flick can have such a low rating, which is 3.5 as of 6/5/16. Looking for pictures I can't find many pics online.  However lets get into this fantastic flick!

  • Eden?  Say it a few more times!
  • That koala already looks zombified!
  • Ha ha monkey around
  • Zip line and waterfall, those will be come into play at some point
  • That is one dead "monkey"...I think it was suppose to be a monkey...the CG was...well weird
  • Did you see that "animal" it was creepy as sin, should have left it "dead"
  • Cool monkeyvision!
  • Do monkeys know their own names?
  • Goodbye Robin, damn your eyes
  • Wow the acting/dialog in this flick is great!  Deserves the 3.5 it has right now
  • Bedtime?  It looks to be about noon as bright as it is!
  • Not a lot of alert in his voice
  • That is quite the smug smile
  • True, not Jurassic Park, that was a well written and acted flick!  BAM!
  • Lots of bloody handprints all over the room...why?
  • Is the monkey inside him?
  • MORE MONKEYVISION!!
  • Worst security guards ever!
  • Toward the Elephants of course
  • You're worried about the animals?  Half a dozen people are dead sunshine
  • Horrible one liners in this flick
  • Why do they always say it is not a drill?  
  • So headshots don't kill them huh?
  • Why doesn't the director chick see the....nevermind now she does
  • Amber is screwed....I have no idea what animal that was
  • Is the infection airborne now?  Is that how so many are getting infected
  • Oh dear lord...that koala looks fucked up!
  • You have to actually hit the buttons to be able to unlock it
  • Wow that little girl just kicked the shit out of that zoombie koala
  • Here I thought the gorilla would be like the T-Rex in Jurassic Park
  • So the brand new zip line is breaking?  Two of the lines?  Really?
  • I still don't understand why they didn't just kill all the birds
  • Still better bird effects then Birdemic
  • Why haven't we seen a Rhino yet?  Now that would have been cool
  • Kifo is PISSED!
  • Kifo is STILL pissed
Well that was there.  I will give it a 4/10.

Let me say a few things here.  I actually like the story.  It is similar to the TV show Zoo, with animals taking over the world.  The story itself is actually fun and the acting, once they got rid of the initial zoombie fodder, wasn't actually bad.  Not great but not horrible either.

The CGI however was god awful, I mean just bad.  The scene with the lions chasing the jeep was maybe one of the worst things I've seen since the Birdemic birds!  While looking up the production cost I see this is an Asylum flick...of course it was!  I should have known!

Overall not a bad way to waste 90 minutes.  Nothing ground breaking but nothing (besides the CGI) that makes you want to gouge your own eyes out.  If you're bored and have 90 minutes check it out, it is on Netflixs at the moment.  Until next time.....


2016/06/09

Book Review: Kill Switch


Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you happen to be reading this.  I'm back for something a little different, this time with a book review.

If you've seen my past book reviews you know that Jonathan Maberry is one of, if not my favorite, author.  Be it his Joe Ledger series, which this book is part of, his Pine Deep, Benny Imura or other series...everything I've read of his has been fantastic!

From Amazon:

Terrorists have acquired a terrible new weapon that can crash the power grid and plunge America into a new dark age. A coordinated attack is planned to shut out all lights and emergency services to ten major cities. Planes will fall, hospitals will go dark, no help will come.

And in that terrible darkness, a dreadful plague will be released. If the lights go off, nothing can stop the bioweapon from killing millions.

At the same time, the intelligence services are being torn apart from within by a plague of betrayal, murder, and suicide. Even the Department of Military Sciences is stumbling in its response to the growing threat.

Time is running out, and Joe is being hunted by a terrifying new kind of assassin. A team of remote viewers have the ability to take over any person and turn ordinary citizens into killers. Where can you turn when there’s nobody left to trust?

Joe Ledger faces his deadliest challenge as friends and allies become enemies and all of the lights begin to go out…

How can you NOT want to read a book that has that description?  You have terrorist.  You have mysterious power outages.  You have betrayal.  You have the DMS.  You have remote viewers/dream walkers.  You have Joe F'N Ledger!  Sounds like a good time for everyone but those close to Joe and his team.

I sound like a fan boy here and I am to a certain extent.  From here on out there will be minor spoilers so you've been warned.

While not my favorite book of the series, that would probably be the first Patient Zero or Code Zero, this was good once it got going.

I thought it was a little slow at the beginning....mostly because they were adding new characters to the Maberry Universe so to speak.  In a quite a few of the previous books they built upon themselves so there wasn't as much background as there was here.  I guess I wanted more Joe fighting and Church being Church and what not.  Having just typed that I realize that is unfair of me to say but it is true, that is what I wanted so I struggled a bit getting into it which was odd.

The giant Albino penguins showed up and things started to pick up.  I realize now as i type this that things aren't as bad as I thought initially.  It really was a nice rollercoaster ride with slight little hills to start with, each new one slightly bigger till the end and the assault at the end the giant near 180 drop you want and dread.

The other thing that I disliked was that I knew the big bad guy in the book rather quickly.  It didn't take me long to realize who was pulling the strings of the puppets.  That isn't a huge problem for me personally because for me it is the journey not the end that matters for the most part (that is why I don't mind spoilers for most things) but from almost the first page the character was introduced I had a feeling like "I have a feeling that Joe is going to headbutt him in the face".  There were a few good red herrings in there and at one point I had convinced myself that it was someone different but briefly before I realized that didn't make sense but most of the time I was targeted on the one character.

The story was really good and interesting and I loved all the little inside references to the Maberry Universe like the droppage of the Lucifer 113 about midway through the book.  Then near the end with the Flash Forwards...I guess you'd call them...made me smile a lot.

Then throw in the includes of the alternate dimension ideas and cthulhu/Lovecraft stuff and I wa really dug the book.

Also I liked that it gave Bunny and Top a little more character than in some of the other books.   I'd really like to see them get their own short stories just to know more about these characters that I've read 8 books with and half a dozen or more short stories.

Overall another very good book by my close personal friend Jonathan Maberry!  You can pick it up online or most likely at your local bookstore however I'd go back and read all of the series first. Honestly if you want to pick up a fantastic book pick up Ghost Road Blues and read that trilogy before going into Ledger and the rest of his series.  They are all interwoven but I think Ghost Road Blues is a great intro to Maberry and not as military as the Ledger series.  Go go go!

Bottom 100 Movie Review: Chairman of the Board


Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever you're reading this.  I am back for another IMDB bottom 100 movie review.  This time I'm checking out #58 as of 6/4 with a 2.3 rating, Chairman of the Board. It stars Scott 'Carrot Top' Thompson, Courtney Thorne-Smith and Larry Miller.  "A surfer becomes the head of a major company."  

  • Nothing like starting off with birth
  • I think I saw this on Family Guy, the guy from Princess Bride will be singing soon
  • I really hate people on skateboards
  • I think this is Ernest P. Worrell
  • Its a robot isn't it?  Two robots?  Yep that is creepy
  • Ha ha flushing while he is in the shower....that makes me laugh
  • Ugg, this is painful
  • This is just going to be Carrot Top gags over and over again
  • Yep a bunch of gags
  • Taylor Negron is always such a creepy guy in movies
  • Trying out for Annie, that is funny!
  • Jack Warden, what were you thinking...then again look at some of your flicks
  • Is it odd that this has made me laugh a few times?
  • I always like Larry Miller

  • This is horrible and yet it is making me laugh
  • Fred Stoller now shows up?  Great cast for a horrible flick!
  • I am ashamed I'm laughing at this movie
  • Raquel Welch is and was quite the looker!

  • There are a lot of great character actors in this flick
  • Seriously I am ashamed that I've laughed this much at this horrible horrible flick
  • Now Glenn Shadix?  Seriously how is this movie so bad with this cast?  Oh right the writing
  • Yellow and blue do make green
  • Portable outhouse slacks...no thank you!
  • Farm animals...good grief!
  • Seriously why am I laughing at this flick!
  • Really too many double entendres in one scene
  • Cindy Margolis, remember when she was a thing!
  • Why is she dressed up like an Indian?
  • Oh because they're sitting in a museum display
  • TV dinners with the TV in it?  Weird...but kind of cool
  • Gross bird poop
There we go!  I give this a 3/10.  I actually laughed quite a bit at this flick but that wasn't enough to say it is good.

In all honesty having just said that I am going to bump that up to a 4/10.  Aside from some bad writing and a few weird camera angles I can't say much bad about this.  

This cost 10 million to make and only made less then a million according to IMDB.  I don't think it was that bad.  It had its moments in my opinion.

Now that isn't enough for me to say run out and watch this flick.  Not at all.  However if you're in a silly mood I think you'll find a few moments of comedy in it worth the 95 minutes, if nothing else you get a pretty good supporting cast of good character actors.  

Until next time boys and girls....


2016/06/06

Bottom 100: Dracula 3000: A Movie Review


Good morning, good afternoon, good evening....whenever it is that you have come across yet another of my Bottom 100 movie reviews.  Today I'm checking out Dracula 3000.  It stars Casper Van Dien, Erika Eleniak and Coolio.  "Count Dracula terrorizes the crew of a spaceship."  With this cover and that description what can possibly go wrong....
  • With a cast picture like this I wonder what I did in a past life to suffer through this pics


  • Wait...Tiny "Zeus" Leiter is in this?  Oh shit that is him in the picture!  This just got a little brighter
  • Udo Kier is always weird in creepy in his flicks
  • Casper Van Dien doing a voiceover is painful!
  • Wait...Coolios character is a drug user....type casting perhaps?
  • The dialog is awesome...ingly bad
  • Why would they send just one person and and not Zeus/Humvee, seems like a stupid choice
  • POV shots should be eliminated 99% of the time they're used
  • Yep type casting for Coolio/187
  • Why did you need the "torch" shined over there?  There is more light there then where you were standing with said torch!
  • No one is going to bite you...really?
  • What a weird closeup
  • Good god this dialog is painful
  • PAINFUL!
  • More weird closeups
  • That is why you don't have everyone from your ship go onto the new ship....Captain
  • WHY WOULD YOU OPEN THE COFFINS?!?!
  • Of course now there is some blood to wake the dead...of course
  • Sweet Jesus...I thought Religion was outlawed
  • Why does the future always have so much leather in it?
  • Is this horror or comedy or just bad?
  • Ejaculate all over your bazongas?  Who wrote this an 11 year old?
  • She was strangely calm
  • The professor is quite British
  • This is the first good choice that Captain made
  • Strange when Zeus is the most intelligent member of the crew!
  • Make it so?  Picard is going to sue!
  • Of course he is Van Helsing!
  • Damn it Zeus!
  • Why is he telling them to stop wasting bullets?  Who cares
  • Strangely I like Coolio/187
  • NWC?  Hard drive?  Good grief
  • What is up with the weird shot of Zeus
  • I thought Orlock wanted everyone dead....
  • Well that was unexpected
  • Did Zeus voice change?
  • Good grief who wrote this...they should be ashamed of themselves
  • Also how did any of these actors agree to this?
Well that was...well it was a flick.  I give it a 2/10 which is what it has on IMDB as 6/2.

Tiny and Coolio actually were pretty entertaining in the flick but beyond that...it was just sad.  It wasn't even bad in a bad sort of way.  It was just there you know.  

Okay that isn't true, the dialog was just horrible.  It was like dialog I would write, which isn't a good thing for a major motion picture.  

Overall I can't say to watch this unless you want to see a decent performance from Tiny and Coolio.

How I feel after this flick

2016/06/04

Jurassic Shark: Bottom 100 review



Good morning, good afternoon or good evening...whenever it is you're reading this.  I am back this time with another bottom 100 flick.  This time it is #25 as of 5/30, Jurassic Shark aka Attack of the Jurassic Shark.  It has a rating of 1.5.  It stars Emanuelle Carriere, Christine Emes, Celine Filion.  "When an oil company unwittingly unleashes a prehistoric shark from its icy prison, the Jurassic killer maroons a group of thieves and beautiful young female college students on an abandoned piece of land. Unable to escape the fearsome beast, the two groups of strangers must put aside their differences and come together to fight off the extinct, ferocious monster whilst battling for their lives. What started out as some fun in the sun, ends up as a survival of the fittest as nature's cruelest creation has come back from extinction and he wants revenge!"  I think that is one of the longest summaries on IMDB!  This is amazing as I've been watching as I was typing this up.  Lets go watch ATTACK OF THE JURASSIC SHARK!

  • I feel like I'm watching bikini car wash or one of those movies
  • Yes, the minute long get ready for the beach scene.  
  • Wait...you're afraid of sharks so you don't swim in lakes?
  • These are the most professional scientist I've ever seen
  • What could possibly go wrong!
  • AWESOME EFFECTS!!
  • Awesome water noise!
  • What is wrong with her face?
  • You will never get through that gate!
  • you need at least two people to carry that painting
  • Something has him but he hasn't gone under the water....amazing
  • At one point this was #1 on the bottom 100
  • The water is shallow enough for him to stand up in with water up to his knees but the giant jurassic shark can swim up and eat him and not get beached?  Awesome
  • Surf?  You're at a lake!!
  • I thought this was Dana Meyer in this at first.  Made me want to cry
  • Wait...one of the girls had to use a credit card for the row boat?
  • They found Mike
  • Rich is an amazing actor
  • Awesome camera work in this flick
  • What the fuck is this series of shot?  Each persons feet?  WEIRD!
  • Is that guy going to cry?  That big tough crook
  • Worst scream in movie history I think...and why did she scream a second time?
  • Getting tiresome?  I thought they were going to stick to the plan....
  • This is some really bad dialog...I mean really bad!
  • Awesome reaction shot
  • That one actor always sounds like he is going to cry
  • Why are they near the water at all?
  • Why am I trying to inject login into this flick?
  • Can't see anything out on the water?  In the sun?  Was a filter too much
  • Great we are getting an art history lesson
  • All tied up...ha ha
  • Yes better take off our tank tops before going into the water...maybe our jean shorts too
  • Probably should plan your escape AWAY from the bad guys
  • Yes wade through the water to go the gun from the girl, brilliant!
  • The hillbilly way?
  • Lifeless doll eyes
  • FIN!  AHA HA HA HA
That was horrible.  I mean just horrible.  I've sat through some BAD movies during this quest and this is right up near the top of the list.  Everyone involved creatively should be ashamed.  The actors should as well.  Some of them did what they could with what they had but for the most part it was all bad.  I can't evidence that this was released in the theaters or not, although it looks like maybe it was in India.

1/10.  It was bad and it was only 75 minutes.  I mean painfully bad.  I normally would have shut something this bad off if I wasn't doing this blog.

I can't say ANYTHING good about the flick...expect that it ended!  DO NOT WATCH THIS!  You've been warned!

Oh as I was looking up pictures to put into this I found a poster...which features NOTHING from the flick but one of the girls yelling.  The movie is so bad I can only find two pics from the flick so no pics this time guys.  Sorry!


2016/06/02

Bottom 100: Who's Your Caddy


Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is that you're reading this.  I am back for yet another IMDB Bottom 100 flick.  This time I'm checking out Who's Your Caddy.  As of 5/21/16 it has a 2.0 ranking on IMDB and #26 on the Bottom 100.  It stars Big Boi, Jeffrey Jones and Terry Crews.  "When a rap mogul from Atlanta tries to join a conservative country club in the Carolinas he runs into fierce opposition from the board President- but it's nothing that he and his entourage can't handle."  There we go.  How can this idea be in the bottom 100?  Let us find out shall we!
  • Uggg, the rap music is going to kill me 
  • Wow it is the guy from Howard the Duck!
  • He?  Oh such witty writing
  • C-Note?  Really?
  • Who wrote this?  It is already killing me...smalls
  • Wait...he just randomly is shooting a video ON the golf course?  No security I guess
  • Wait...so the course didn't know anything about this "lease"?
  • Ghost ride the whip?  WHAT THE FUCK?
  • Who was that shot up when he was away from the helicopter?
  • WHAT ARE YOU DOING UNCLE PHIL!?!
  • What would get you kicked off the course and the club right there, movie over...if only
  • So he wants to be a member but he can't golf?  Really?
  • This movie is just horrible
  • This flick belongs in the bottom 100!
  • I'm not even going to bother finding pictures of this flick
  • The potato salad is a forgery?  What the hell does that mean?
  • That kid is what 12?  Can he go "party"?
  • Who is this movie aimed at?
  • Terry Crews has shown up, this might help this flick a bit
  • This movie lost money how?  I mean it has only made me want to stab my eyes, I haven't thought about ice picks in the ears yet
  • This movie might be the cause of some serious deadly diseases
  • Oh god now they are making midget jokes...and not good ones.  
  • Be more cliche movie?
  • So being able to pay multiple millions for a house isn't enough to impress his mom?  Because he skipped church?  CLICHE MUCH!?!
  • Isn't this highly improper for her to be in his bedroom?
  • And Terry Crews appearance thus far has meant nothing and was pointless
  • Its sudden death yet there is a timer?  I'm confused
  • Don't you have to be on a horse to play the game?  
  • Good god they make fart jokes not funny!
  • How is this match even close?
That...that was an abomination of a movie.  I mean it was just awful!  I give it a 1 out of 10.  

I can't say ANYTHING good about this flick.  Not a damn thing!

I've come to realize that a lot of these flicks in the bottom 100 are comedies because when a comedy doesn't hit it is just awful.  This was just awful.  Avoid it and NEVER even think about watching this! I am going to go clean my eyes with bleach which will be more enjoyable than the last 90 minutes!