Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse

I am back once again, this time with zombies behind me.  Luckily I'll soon the Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse.  See what I did there?  Its the name of the movie AND something that'd save me when the zombies attack!  "Three scouts, on the eve of their last camp-out, discover the true meaning of friendship when they attempt to save their town from a zombie outbreak."  As of 12/13 it has an IMDB rating of 6.4.  It stars Tye Sheridan, Logan Miller and Joey Morgan.  Lets get to some zombies and scouting.

• I like how this movie is starting!  That is how I mop the floor, but with much better music and dance moves
• Who doesn't want to go through those plastic car wash things when they see them in movies or what not.  You know, the ET things
• That is what you get for putting your arm in a vending machine scientist dude.
• Teenage Gene wants to beat up those scouts!
• How did he get a flat tire?
• She'll become a zombie, for sure
• zombie animals?  Do they want to only eat other like animals or everything?
• How great is David Koechner?  Especially with his wig in this flick
• Well that answered that question about zombie animals
• BOO!  This isn't funny or zombies.  Dads and feelings I don't want
• This is a secret party?  Really?
• Poor Augie.  This is sad...but what kind of name is Augie?
• Condoms?  I guess they're always prepared
• Sneak in?  Not like anyone will notice two 16 year olds in scout uniforms right
• Was that zombie just creeping on Ben?
• Oh not a zombie I guess, just a creepy stripper
• No a creepy zombie stripper.....I'm confused
• Is that a zombie Vin Diesel?  
• Yes, hiding in the toilet stall always works
• These are some smart ass zombies!
• I bet the kid would still get excited!
• Awesome effect, the blood through the bottle!
• Who doesn't want to see some tittes, honestly
• How did Augie get home...I guess a car, we have no idea how he got out to the woods
• Nice effect with the skeleton arm
• Language cocktail waitress, your yelling won't help matters
• Is the one part ape or something?  And what was growing out of his back?
• Would the shit smell attract zombies or repel them?  
• My hope is repel because that is my plan when the dead rise, you know shitting myself
• Augie would have been Jonah Hill 10 years ago
• Nice victory riff there for a second
• Can I say thank you to the costume designer who dressed Denise!
• Not a fan at how fast these zombies are
• HA HA Office Hottie
• I think I'd ditch the scout uniforms
• Oh baby baby...
• Jawless zombie...nice!
• How long are Denises legs?  They go on for days and days!
• Of course Ben goes to the underwear drawer...I would have too at 16
• How awesome is Cloris Leachman!
• HELLO!  That is an awesome invitation.  I'd respond the same was Ben did as well.  Horrible with the ladies I am
• Is that zombie on a trampoline?  AWESOME!
• SHE'S GUMMING MY ASS!!  I usually have to pay extra for that
• That wasn't the right camera angle!
• OH MY GOD OLD MAN ZOMBIE COCK!!
• I hate cats, but kind of wanted more zombie cats
• I smell a scout oath speech coming
• Nice a gearing up montage.  Gotta have to those in zombie flicks.
• Well that redefines that phrase
• Well that is going to be a massacre!
• The headlamp is a nice touch
• nailed her, so bad yet so good
• A speech during a zombie attack, awesome!
• Man i always wanted to do that!

First off I hope Augie ended up with Denise, because...well...I have a soft spot for husky nerdy kids....oooo after credit scene!

That was fun!

I would give this a 8 out of 10.  I really enjoyed it!  A few complaints of course.  They kind of introduced a super zombie, the one outside the liquor store/strip club but it is never brought up again. Also not a fan of quicker zombies but those are minor issues.  The other question is how did the one deer get infected?  Was he already bit?

I thought the acting was good, especially from younger actors.  There was a good mix of comedy and horror.  I am not usually a huge fan of horror comedies but when done correctly they are fun and this was.

The effects were done well as well.  Obviously they could have gone all comedy with it or over the ala Army of Darkness/Ash vs. Evil Dead but they didn't.

That is all for now.  Enjoy this flick, go check this flick out!

Dead on Campus: A Movie Review

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, whenever it is that you're reading this.  I'm back for another movie review, this time a flick called Dead on Campus.  "A freshman on campus discovers that the only way to be admitted into the sorority of her dreams is to seduce a nerdy introverted guy and film it. When the sorority "prank" goes viral, the boy is discovered dead from apparent suicide, but his sister does not buy it. She goes under cover to expose the sororities' hidden secrets."  Over on IMDB it currently has a ranking of 5.0, well as of 12/12!  It stars Katelyn Tarver, Tamara Duarte and Nicki Aycox.  It is time to go back to school!

• 90 minutes, a decent running time, that is a good start!
• How old were those "sisters?"
• Do they have cardboard steps?  
• Nat's roommate is a plant, almost positive.  I don't trust Sophia Davis
• Is this how Sororities really are?  
• Is this how College is suppose to be?  I missed out I guess
• That scene seemed pointless
• This one chick looks like Charlotte Flair
• For not wanting to seduce this guy she is doing a pretty good job and isn't struggling that much
• Sumner makes me look like a ladies man!
• Pretty cool peeps?  Did I write this dialog?  No I wouldn't write anything that bad
• Where can I get a shirt like that?  I want to make sure I NEVER shop there!  BAM!
• Is his sister Asian?
• That cop has a goatee?  Really?
• Right now I might be wrong about the run time.  This is not great thus far
• Most of the people in this flick are weird looking.  Just slightly strange.  Its...odd
• I'm confused, is Alexa after Sumners sister or Nat?  Or both?
• Well that was stupid.  Simple story.  We went out a second time.  We got in a fight when he asked if I wanted to get high and fool around.  I told him I don't do that and kicked him out of my room
• A Freshmen has a portfolio?
• He isn't shocked by his daughter suddenly appearing home?
• Was that a dude?  Or that woman had HUGE manly feet
• It is really easy to set people up apparently
• Jail?  For a first time offense?  Really?
• There are certain people at this party that couldn't get in if they had God himself with them
• Nat sure look inconspicuous!
• Really?  No real dirt but they then blackmail her?
• Oh they'll play that video on the big screen.  Of course.
• That is a horrible hair style Nat!

I guess I'll start off with a rating.  I guess I'll give it a 4/10.  Everything was average at best.  A decent plot to start off with although it got a little convoluted near the end with the revelation that there was no blackmail only the implication of blackmail yet then kind of blackmailing her in a sense but not exactly.  

The acting was also average at best and for the most part subpar.  Katelyn was okay but that was about it.  I hate to single someone out but Ashanti performance was especially bad.  I wonder however if it was her abilities or the script, which was also very bad.  I admit I didn't have what you would call a "normal" college experience but if this was anything like I'm glad I got kicked out!

There were also several seemingly unneeded scenes.  The scene with Nat and Sophia shopping was pointless as was the intern.  Also there wasn't much point in the entire dad girlfriend storyline.  Why bother with it at all?  It did nothing for the story and I guess was a red herring.  Also for that matter why use Natalie at all?  Because of the whole mom thing?  It is just odd.  I mean why not use one of your more powerful minions instead of a newbie you have no control over.

Oh one other glaring flaw that I saw.  When they blackmailed Natalie they didn't use gloves AND her fingerprints wouldn't be on the bag.  How could a basic cop not find that?  Or did Alexa own the cops too?

I can't recommend you go see this.  It is average if not slow and underwhelming.  If you catch it on cable its worth it but not even worth the DVR space as far as I'm concerned.  Until next time...Abyssinia!

Saving Christmas: A Movie Review

I have been looking for this film for a long LONG time!  Seriously.  It is #4 on the bottom 100 over on IMDB.  The second worst English film on the list.  "Kirk is enjoying the annual Christmas party extravaganza thrown by his sister until he realizes he needs to help out Christian, his brother-in-law, who has a bad case of the bah-humbugs. Kirk's fresh look at Christmas provides Christians the chance to see Christ is where He has always been: at the center of our Christmas celebrations and traditions."  It stars Kirk Cameron, Darren Doane and Bridgette Cameron.  On 12/5 it has a rating of 1.5 over on IMDB.

• Finally I get to see this masterpiece
• People do not want to be more kind during the Holidays!  ARE YOU HIGH KIRK?
• Worst open ever?
• There is no hot chocolate in that cup!
• Who is here?  Is that guy a killer, he sure looks like a killer!
• Actually with the hair and beard he looks a little like me...did I just say I look like a killer?
• Wait...how many opens does this movie have?
• That is one of the worst Santas of all time!
• Why is she putting dishes away WHILE the party is happening
• Totally want to be the villain of my story
• Elf worship?  Is that a thing?
• What the hell did he just say?
• Wait...is that Adam Savage with dyed hair?
• Is this an anti commercialism film?
• This isn't a train wreck...its just bad.  I'm sad thus far
• That dude is the guy from that magnetic hair toy isn't he
• Was there just a shot at Fox News?  What the hell is this flick?
• Pagan idol worshipy thing?  Did I just hear that?
• Genesis?  The Band?  What?  Its a book of the bible too?  Damn
• I still have no idea what this movie is about.  The Bible?  Commercialism?  Consumerism?  Just saying Christmas is okay the way we've done it for a long time?
• Is Santa an elf?
• Lots of hand acting in this flick
• Santa killed Jesus?  OH MY GOD!
• Santa and Satan have the same letters?  OH MY GOD AGAIN!
• I think that santa wants to swallow my soul!
• The killer looking dude at the beginning is Santa?  Am I really Santa?
• So...Santa beat the shit out of someone?  AWESOME!
• What...the...fuck...was...that
• The new Jerusalem?  
• What...the...fuck...was...that...again
• I am actually embarrassed that I'm watching this right now and for the actors in it
• OH MY GOD KIRK IS DOING THE WORM!

Well that wasn't the train wreck I wanted, it was just...weird.  I don't know what to say about this film.  It wasn't bad, it wasn't good, it was just there.  I have no idea what the point of the film was. Was it to entertain?  Get me to be a Christian?  That is what confuses me the most.  What was I suppose to get out of it.  Know what I got out of it?  That Santa curb stomped some guy he disagreed with!  

Seriously though I give it a 3/10 because I have no idea the purpose.  If I knew what it was suppose to do I could give it more.  However on entertainment/acting/movie making I give it a 3.  

The acting was at a very basic level, especially Cameron.  Kirks character was okay and his facial expressions entertained me a little however not enough.  So nothing worth getting excited about here.

Overall I can not recommend this movie.  It isn't The Room/Birdemic bad.  It isn't so bad it is good. It is just blah.  So there you go, I was disappointed that it wasn't THAT bad.  Until next time, Abyssinia!

Cooties: A Movie Review

Hello again everyone!  With no Walking Dead today I'm checking out the flick Cooties to get my zombie fix!  "A mysterious virus hits an isolated elementary school, transforming the kids into a feral swarm of mass savages. An unlikely hero must lead a motley band of teachers in the fight of their lives.".  It stars Elijah Wood, Rainn Wilson and Alison Pill.  As of 12/5 it has a 5.7 over on IMDB.

• Well starting off with a chicken killing is never a good sign...but I do want chicken nuggets now!
• And now they're showing nuggets, not fair!
• Nice Mustache!
• I hope all those kids die...wait...is that a bad thing to say?
• MORMON JOKE!
• I love Elijah Woods
• Quite a few stars/well known stars
• Dual rear wheel?
• Seriously I hate kids.  
• I hope that teacher dies!
• Has Elijah Woods aged ever?
• Well that kid deserved it...even if his name is "Patriot"
• Well I didn't need to see that!
• That might be the worst game of tag ever!
• Big Mike from Chuck?!?!?
• Poor Big Mike
• These kids are pretty much they same they were before getting cooties
• CLOTHESLINE!
• Damn VioP phones will be the death of us all!
• Its Badger from Breaking Bad
• Was that Sean William Scott?
• And there is the name of the movie
• Alison Pill is pretty damn entertaining
• COOTIES!!!
• Well that is a horrible jump rope!
• They are totally going to ramp up boys and girls
• Well that kid deserved it too
• Seriously I don't think these kids are infected at all, just horrible kids...or basically what I call kids
• Wow...an outbreak of cooties really puts stress on a relationship
• That is why I'm fat, no one is going to send me into no ducts to save people!  NOOPE!
• Rainn Wilson just made me laugh out loud literally!
• Why would the duct be on the floor?
• How is the vending machine working?
• Not the best time for that guys
• Teachers do deserve respect!
• SUITING UP MONTAGE!
• I think one of them needed to yell "LETS DO THIS!" all Joe Swanson style.  That is what I'll do when I go into battle
• This has a slight Alien field to it. 
• This guy is like Morgan!
• I think most Elementary teachers have had this fantasy...minus the zombie kids
• This is the movie of multiple endings.  What is it about Elijah movies and that?
• YES!
• Gas?

I think IMDB had this way off.  This was a fun funny flick.  Decent acting with good pacing and great running time at around 90 minutes.  

It has the correct level of comedy horror and gore which is nice.  The movie should have ended at the point of them getting to the duw....duel whell....dude wheel....the truck but I understand now why it didn't.  However it easily could have and it would have been okay.

I'm a little confused as to why the one dude knows so much but I guess the brain injury was the explanation.  Also the inclusion of the crossing guard/security guard wasn't really needed nor was the one scene with the sheriff/cop but it didn't hurt the movie.  Also the sudden appearance of the janitor was odd but was a fun minute or so fight scene.

Overall very fun and I'd recommend it to anyone who wants a fun flick to check out!  I give it a 7 out of 10.  Find it out there and enjoy!

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Doctor Who: Hell Bent

Doctor Who returns today with its series finale Hell Bent.  "If you took everything from him, betrayed him, trapped him, and broke both his hearts... how far might the Doctor go? Returning to Gallifrey, the Doctor faces the Time Lords in a struggle that will take him to the end of time itself. Who is the Hybrid? And what is the Doctor's confession?"  Dear lord I don't know if I'm ready for this.  Steven Moffat has said that this episode will be a "little devastating".  When Steven says that it means BAD things...

• I don't know if I'm ready for this....
• Wait...was that....
• OH SHIT!
• Don't do this to me Moffat!  Don't you dare!
• The barn from the 50th?  No that was just a shack wasn't it...
• Who is she?  They?
• A line in the sand?  Literally?
• I wish I looked that good in a suit
• Where is Timothy Dalton?
• What is the Doctor up to?
• Damn it Moffat, you can't do this shit
• Oh the Doctor doesn't like that
• OH SHIT!
• Was that a weeping angel?
• This is why the Time Lords are horrible
• Wait....why are they taking orders....oh fuck you Moffat if I'm right
• What did she say?
• The Time Lord Victorious?
• He will knock four times.....
• Her again...I tire of her
• He never left the disk did he?  Is he still there still trying to get the information
• Just say it Doctor, say the words
• Fuck you Moffat, fuck you

I am not going to say anything but FUCK YOU MOFFAT!  That is all

Black Mass: A movie review

I wanted to see this flick a while back and I finally get a chance.  I'm a big fan of mobster & gang stuff.  This flick stars Johnny Depp, Benedict Cumberbatch and Dakota Johnson.  "The true story of Whitey Bulger, the brother of a state senator and the most infamous violent criminal in the history of South Boston, who became an FBI informant to take down a Mafia family invading his turf."  As of 12/4 over on IMDB it has a ranting of 7.2  The Whitey Bulger story is a great story.  So lets get to it!

• Hey it is poor mans Matt Damon from Breaking Bad!
• That is why I would never eat nuts at a bar!
• Depp is such a weird choice for this role
• Adam Scott plays a lot of different roles.  I am not a fan of his acting but he is versatile.  
• And there is the otter...er....Cumberbatch
• Yeah, I'm going to get tired of the otters voice/accent real quick
• Well that kid might be one of the worst actors of all time!
• This flick has some weird pacing
• W. Earl Brown is a fantastic actor!
• Kevin Bacon?  Wow
• I still don't get the pacing of this flick
• Depp looks completely different here.  
• I wonder how much of this is "true".  I just don't see Jimmy Bulger telling people about his alliance and no one finding out
• That is a nightmare for a parent, I can't imagine what that would do to an already unbalanced person.
• How high would you have to be to go and turn in a mob boss?
• Is Cumberbatch basically doing a bad JFK impersonation? 
• Again I wonder if Whitey actually did some of these killings, seems "bad for business", especially in broad daylight with witnesses
• Also I'm starting to wonder if John Connolly isn't/wasn't on the take
• CALLED IT!
• Seriously how great is W. Earl Brown!
• IRA?  Really?
• Bare hands?  How did they NOT catch this guy?  
• David Harbour is pretty good in this flick.  I really enjoyed him in the Newsroom as well
• This flick STILL has weird pacing.  I realize it covers a lot of time but its still odd
• Seriously is he doing JFK?  Its horrible
• Seriously how do people not hear things happening in movies?  Connolly and Morris are talking about this at the bar with the bartender feet away

I guess I'll start with my rating.  5/10.  Middle of the road film that was long and drawn out yet had shitty pacing.  

I'll start off with Depp and Cumberbatch.  Both were average at best.  I mentioned that Cumberbatch had a horrible accent (even if he sounds like the real Billy Bulger).  Depp, while had great facial expressions, seemed to be phoning it in.  On IMDB some of the real people praised his performance while others panned it.  I felt it was uninspired.  Connelly was okay but again felt uninspired.

The supporting cast made it better.  Great actors around those three.   All the smaller roles were great!  

I feel like it was too "hollywood" in the way conversations took place and some of the killings.  There is no way even in the early 80's that there was no evidence at that point!

Average at best and I can't really recommend it.  If you like Depp watch it.  If you want entertainment I'd move on to something else!