Movie Review: The Mist

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening....whenever it is you have come across this entry.  With the TV series starting up we decided to check out the 2007 flick The Mist.  It stars Thomas Jane, Marcia Gay Harden and Laurie Holden (along with half a dozen other Walking Dead alum).  As of 6/28 it has a 7.3 rating.  "A freak storm unleashes a species of bloodthirsty creatures on a small town, where a small band of citizens hole up in a supermarket and fight for their lives."

• Those are nice paintings he has there, especially the Thing 
• Watch out, there will be a killer clown next....what?  Oh wrong flick
• That was almost...the storm of the century...get it...
• Ah there is Andrea...wonder if everyone is going to hate her like on most things she is on
• Oh shit there is Dale!  Its like a prequel to the Walking Dead!
• Oh Frank Darabont directed it that sorta makes sense
• And there is Carol....with her weird short hair....does she always have weird short hair
• Oh and President Ellis from the Marvel flicks, good casting
• There is always one who starts saying its end of days...I hope to be that guy one day!
• Opening the door after knowing two people died in the mist makes perfect sense
• The CGI is bad in this flick!
• And we go down the violence path quickly!
• The Punisher is pretty much a bad ass in all flicks
• Maine people are kind of harsh on out-of-towners
• The chunk of the monster is going to be gone
• Nope, it isn't gone...my bad
• A problem of some magnitude he says
• The bill is due?  It must be paid?  Isn't that what The Governor said to Tyrese?
• Billy your mommy is dead...and you'll be dead soon too
• I wouldn't go into that mist even if there weren't monsters in it
• Obviously something is going to grab the guy and the rope right?
• That is disgusting!  Bugs are gross
• Turn off the lights it is attracting the bugs....and what the fuck was that?!?!
• Love that one group is turning lights out and the others are turning on brighter lights!
• I might not leave the the house again thinking these things are outside...
• This has become a shit show of bugs and fire...awesome
• People are not basically good Andrea!
• They don't quite understand single file I don't think
• Oh the doors are open, that is a good sign
• Are those webs?  How did they not notice the webs?
• There are people in the webs!  Oh shit is about to burst open!  RUN!
• All our fault?  Damn military!
• I like this old lady...kill them all with fire!
• That place would have been burned to the ground as I walked out
• For a god fearing person the crazy lady sure is violent and vulgar
• Walking on the moon is against the law of God?
• Really good casting in this flick
• The boy?  Yeah another reason to hate religion
• Yeah honking is a great idea!
• Forget the gun and GO!
• Stinger through the roof?
• Sorry wifey, you and your son and next buddy
• And when the gas runs out?
• How many bullets left?  Enough for everyone?  Or just the boy?
• I think I'd sit there for a while at least
• Is it wrong that I hope he gets saved after killing everyone else?
• And that is good story telling!

I really enjoyed the flick.  It isn't perfect but what flick is?  Overall however this flick was very enjoyable.  My biggest complaint about the flick is that the flick is a little long.  At just over two hours it feels slightly long.  It didn't feel like two hours but it was long.  Personally I would cut out the neighbor storyline and character completely sense we don't know what happened to his group and it wasn't really needed.  That character could have been added to other people there.  

I liked the ending in that it wasn't the typical hollywood ending and I read that one of the major requirements for Frank Darabont to do the flick was for the ending not to be changed.  I saw it coming once I read that.  I like it but I think they needed to have them sit there for a while.  They sat in the dead car for all of what 2 minutes (it seems, they could have added a time lapse or a note saying days later or something).  

What I really liked about this flick was the excellent casting.  Everyone was good to excellent.  The crazy lady, Carmody, was fantastic as was the old lady and Andrea from the Walking Dead.  Oh and is there a more underrated actress around than Laurie Holden?  I've loved her acting since I first saw her on the Shield!  While Jane isn't the most charismatic actor he was very good in the role.

Overall I agree with this flick and I rate it the same as everyone else 7/10.   

Until next time remember...if you see a strange mist coming over the mountain lock yourself up and turnoff the lights...oh and stay way from crazy religious people!

Movie Review: Transformers 5

Let me start by saying this....DO NOT SEE THIS FILM!  I regret it because we should not be giving ANYONE money for this movie.  This movie is one of the worst things I've seen put on film.

Okay let me do one of my usual formats, the Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

The Good:

There was NOTHING good about this movie except when it ended.

The Bad:

Everything from the first films continues to be bad:

• The camera shots are awful.  There are so many times that you can't tell what is going on it is horrible
• There are times where you don't know if things are up or down
• Some of the CGI effects are horrible; like the irish whip Marky Mark does near the end of the flick
• They introduce several new Transformers...only for them to die without knowing why they were
• They did a bit right out of Boarderlands or Suicide Squad with Decepticons which was awful
• The introduction of Hot Rod
• Several times you don't know what happens to certain transformers but then they show back up
• The acting 

The Ugly:

This film had so many plot holes that Optimus Prime could easily drive through them!  The plans these people come up for in the flick make no sense.  There are time line shifts that make no sense in the flick.  The entire thing with Nemesis Prime doesn't make sense either.  

Don't get me started on the whole Unicron idea.  I won't ruin that jem for everyone but it is AWESOME!

Overall I give this piece of shit a 1/10 only because 0/10 isn't an option on IMDB.  I will NOT, repeat NOT, give this franchise any more of my money.  I will NOT be fooled again.  I am going to watch the animated flick soon to clear my mind and remind myself that Transformers was enjoyable at one point!

Unwritten Rules

I am not a fan of rules...I mean no one is right?  We all hate having to follow rules.  I want to show up to work when I want and dressed how I want (I hate pants and shoes).  But it gets even worse when people bring up "unwritten" rules.  You can do some searching on your own and find lots of so called unwritten rules (although most I found are not rules as much as not being a dick...chew with your mouth closed is an unwritten rule).

However certain things seemingly have a shit ton on unwritten rules and Major League Baseball is one of them!  Good grief I swear anytime I turn on Mike and Mike during baseball season (which is 9 months of the year for the love of all things good and evil) they are talking about someone breaking some unwritten rule.

Today I open up Facebook and I see that Seattle broke one of these rules and beat Detroit.  I think it showed up on my feed because I get a lot of Tiger stuff posted by friends back in the Mighty MI.

Detroit had a perfect game going until this happened and that is just not done.  Click here for the news story.   This line from the story really bothered me.  "Ordinarily the unwritten rules say it’s bad form to break up a no-hitter or perfect game with a bunt hit, because that’s not considered as pure as recording a hit by swinging the bat."

WHAT THE FUCK!?

Let me rephrase that, the other team should NOT do whatever it takes to win because the other team is having a good game.  So again I say...WHAT THE FUCK?!

This isn't flipping little league this is their job!  They play the win the game to paraphrase one famous football couch.  It bunting will get a rally going (which it did in this case) then do it.  If you aren't breaking a rule then do it I say.  Hell if you can break a rule and not get caught then do it because the other team is going to.  Do unto other as they'd do unto you....but do it first!

I am getting off topic here (I know a surprise) but unwritten rules are bullshit.  Here are some others:

Don't run up the score

Yeah you can't play the game.  If you are winning by too much (which is what exactly?) don't play too hard because....I don't know why.  Don't want to hurt the feelings of the other team?  I mean there is no chance that the other team can come back win the game just because you're winning right?

Retaliate

What is the old saying, something about they put one of ours in the hospital we put one of theirs in the morgue?  Something like that right?  Anyway that is baseball for you.  If they hit one of our guys we are going to hit one of theirs.  This year a fight started because a pitcher did it from two years ago! TWO YEARS AGO!  And it was because he broke the next unwritten rule...

PLAY THE RIGHT WAY

I won't put another WTF gif up but seriously what does that mean?  The right way?  Oh you mean the way it has always been done?  

For the record I'm not a guy who likes a lot of change in his stuff.  I'm pretty old school but when people get mad because they "watched their home run too long" or "he flipped his bat" I get angry.  I remember at work one time people got mad at me because I'd throw cups I marked wrong.  I wasn't angry it was funny and kept me sane but "it wasn't the right thing" bullshit.  So he flipped his bat, here is an idea, do better next time pitcher man!  Don't let the kid hit a home run off you!  

So while I'm as traditional as the next guy I have one thing to say to you people who think this is right...WHAT THE FUCK?

Movie Review: Big Trouble in Little China

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, whenever it is you have come across this entry.  Today I am checking out the flick Big Trouble in Little China.  It stars Kurt Russell, Kim Cattrall and Dennis Dun.  "An All-American trucker gets dragged into a centuries-old mystical battle in Chinatown."  This is one of those flicks I have wanted to see for a while.  As for 6/19/17 it has a 7.3 on IMDB.  Lets go get in some "big trouble" (See what I did there?)

• Jack Burton has a lot to say...or he likes the sound of his voice...like me

• I didn't realize this was a John Carpenter flick, nice!
• That is a lot of money Jack!  You are getting scammed brother
• For not wanting to talk about it he sure is talking about it
• Ah the 80's when anything and everything could happen at the airport.  Made action flicks much more fun
• SWEEP THE LEG!
• Huh, the kidnapped girl sure is calm
• I have to say this sure did escalate quickly
• These guys really like their hats and funny looks

• Oh and grunting...always lots of grunting in martial arts flicks
• Did that guy have back scratchers of death?
• Awesome James Hong is in this flick!  He is awesome

• Gracie Law?  Really?  
• Russell was pretty funny back in the day, him as the nerdy salesmen was great
• Those hats seem really impractical, you can't really see around them
• Phone guys sure were different back in the 80's
• Good thing they didn't search him for weapons
• I think that guy was actually hulking up....brother
• That would take amazing strength to do the wheelchair thing
• They left her with paper and pen yet they tied the other one up?
• No one else hears those shots or the girls screaming?
• Why the cartwheel?  Kung fu fights never make sense to me!
• Was that a dive by Cattrall?
• Wouldn't that grate weight a shit ton?
• This flick sure seems long and it is only half through
• Of course, why wouldn't there be a fire pole into the sewer
• It is like a fat beholder!  AWESOME!

• Oh shit, I just looked up Egg and he is grandpa from 3 ninja's, the ultimate ninja movie!
• How did the lightning guy miss?  How is he that bad?
• That is an awesome crossbow
• Of course, just hit the guy with a big rock!  Killer Croc was right all along!

• They are stopping at a red light?

Well that was interesting for sure.  I'm not sure what to say about it.  It wasn't bad by any stretch of the imagination but was it good?  I think I give it a 6/10 so slightly lower then the others on IMDB.

Almost everything was good or better but on a whole something was missing.  What I can't say for sure.  I am not a huge fan of the wire acts like this or Crotching Tiger.  It becomes old hat very quickly.  

I didn't like the ending either because it is just left there.  I wonder if there was going to be a follow up and the box office failure stopped that from happening.

The acting was okay to good and the effects were well done.

Just felt something was missing and I wish I could say what.  I'm glad that I watched it and ticked another flick off my list but I didn't love it like I wanted to.  

Until next time...here is hoping that you don't find yourself in big trouble...but if you don't listen to what old Jack Burton says and you'll be just fine!

Movie Review: Avalanche Sharks

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you have come across this blog.  Ii was looking for something to blog about and thought I'd look around Netflix and decided I do a cult flick. Well that didn't work out because Netflix reminded me that I watched Zoombies!  Well that led me to this flick, Avalanche Sharks!  "Avalanche Sharks tells the story of a bikini contest that turns into a horrifying affair when it is hit by a shark avalanche."  It stars Alexander Mendeluk, Kate Nauta and Benjamin Easterday.  I cannot wait to see this AWESOME flick!

• Good grief, do ski people really talk like surfers on snow?
  
  
• OH MY GOD THAT WAS AWESOME!  Ghost snow shark thingy
• Do people really impale themselves on things while skiing?  That makes it a lot more interesting.  Now I want traps and shit and we have a very interesting spectator sport!
• She is really pissed off for being late.  
• So the guy is a schedule freak
• This movie is what happens when film makers realize that go pros are cheap
• Why in the hell did that girl throw her top/vest at the sheriff?  Also isn't it cold to be in a bikini?  
• Oh of course, a creepy mountain guy who knows about the snow shark alien things
• My god, the writing on this flick is just awful.  Keith Shaw, the writer, should be ashamed.  I wouldn't allow my name
• Did they really use "CGI" for the fire?  I mean why?
• Is that guy just randomly twirling the fire thing for no reason
• Do they really have those PA systems at ski resorts?  Every ski move, all of them bad, seem to have them.  Even Always Sunny mocked them
• I'm so worried about my brother....lets go have sex....amazing characters in this flick.  Hope my brother would worried that much about me if I went missing
• Movies like this make me miss the message boards on IMDB
• Good god if I was Keith Shaw I'd be in witness protection.  I might even start going by Michael Bay
• Really?  An oral sex joke?  
• You know...the file, there can be only one file
• People Meat?  Is that another sex joke?
• Love is the answer?  My god I think anyone named Keith should change their name because that is this writers name.  
• Of course they just happened to find his goggles.  Of course
• They can just replace the sheriff?  What kind of place is "Mammoth Mountain"?
• Why take just on snow machine?  
• I just told you a story...so...lets make out?  GOOD GRIEF!
• I love the idea that she is going to fuck the winner of a snow machine race.  Because...um...movie logic?
• They killed all of his dogs?
• People don't just randomly die?  That is actually how it works!
• So the logical person from the beginning isn't anymore?
• Also how did they attack through the hot tub?
• So the new sheriff just left the girl...and was that the story guy?  I feel like it was
• There is not enough panic in their voices for ghost snow sharks
• Yes, keep shooting, it obviously works well
• I'm not crazy I'm a Marine?  What the fuck does that mean?  
• Yep leaving is probably the best option, the stupid ski patrol/new sheriff guy was the smartest of them all
• Don't ever look back....at this movie or your career after this movie!

I have no idea what to say about this flick.  It has a 2.3 over in IMDB as of 6/15 and that is high. Unless you want a bad movie do NOT watch this flick.  it is painful, plain and simple.  The writing is awful.  The acting isn't much better.  The CGI isn't horrible, if I had to find something good.  The one shot of the shark on the truck near the end wasn't horrible.

But seriously this is flat out bad and obviously a made for TV flick.  I give it a 1/10.  If you want a bad movie for 90 minutes this is a bad bad movie.  Until next time...remember....don't look back...never look back!