Movie Review: Avalanche Sharks

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you have come across this blog.  Ii was looking for something to blog about and thought I'd look around Netflix and decided I do a cult flick. Well that didn't work out because Netflix reminded me that I watched Zoombies!  Well that led me to this flick, Avalanche Sharks!  "Avalanche Sharks tells the story of a bikini contest that turns into a horrifying affair when it is hit by a shark avalanche."  It stars Alexander Mendeluk, Kate Nauta and Benjamin Easterday.  I cannot wait to see this AWESOME flick!

• Good grief, do ski people really talk like surfers on snow?
  
  
• OH MY GOD THAT WAS AWESOME!  Ghost snow shark thingy
• Do people really impale themselves on things while skiing?  That makes it a lot more interesting.  Now I want traps and shit and we have a very interesting spectator sport!
• She is really pissed off for being late.  
• So the guy is a schedule freak
• This movie is what happens when film makers realize that go pros are cheap
• Why in the hell did that girl throw her top/vest at the sheriff?  Also isn't it cold to be in a bikini?  
• Oh of course, a creepy mountain guy who knows about the snow shark alien things
• My god, the writing on this flick is just awful.  Keith Shaw, the writer, should be ashamed.  I wouldn't allow my name
• Did they really use "CGI" for the fire?  I mean why?
• Is that guy just randomly twirling the fire thing for no reason
• Do they really have those PA systems at ski resorts?  Every ski move, all of them bad, seem to have them.  Even Always Sunny mocked them
• I'm so worried about my brother....lets go have sex....amazing characters in this flick.  Hope my brother would worried that much about me if I went missing
• Movies like this make me miss the message boards on IMDB
• Good god if I was Keith Shaw I'd be in witness protection.  I might even start going by Michael Bay
• Really?  An oral sex joke?  
• You know...the file, there can be only one file
• People Meat?  Is that another sex joke?
• Love is the answer?  My god I think anyone named Keith should change their name because that is this writers name.  
• Of course they just happened to find his goggles.  Of course
• They can just replace the sheriff?  What kind of place is "Mammoth Mountain"?
• Why take just on snow machine?  
• I just told you a story...so...lets make out?  GOOD GRIEF!
• I love the idea that she is going to fuck the winner of a snow machine race.  Because...um...movie logic?
• They killed all of his dogs?
• People don't just randomly die?  That is actually how it works!
• So the logical person from the beginning isn't anymore?
• Also how did they attack through the hot tub?
• So the new sheriff just left the girl...and was that the story guy?  I feel like it was
• There is not enough panic in their voices for ghost snow sharks
• Yes, keep shooting, it obviously works well
• I'm not crazy I'm a Marine?  What the fuck does that mean?  
• Yep leaving is probably the best option, the stupid ski patrol/new sheriff guy was the smartest of them all
• Don't ever look back....at this movie or your career after this movie!

I have no idea what to say about this flick.  It has a 2.3 over in IMDB as of 6/15 and that is high. Unless you want a bad movie do NOT watch this flick.  it is painful, plain and simple.  The writing is awful.  The acting isn't much better.  The CGI isn't horrible, if I had to find something good.  The one shot of the shark on the truck near the end wasn't horrible.

But seriously this is flat out bad and obviously a made for TV flick.  I give it a 1/10.  If you want a bad movie for 90 minutes this is a bad bad movie.  Until next time...remember....don't look back...never look back!