Movie Review: Attack of the Killer Donuts

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening....whenever it is you have found this entry.  It is October so it is time for holiday flicks.  Today, 10/08/17, I am checking out the 2016 flick Attack of the Killer Donuts.  It stars Justin Ray, Kassandra Voyagis and Michael Swan.  "A chemical accident turns ordinary donuts into blood thirsty killers. Now it's up to Johnny, Michelle and Howard to save their sleepy town from...Killer Donuts."  I don't know how this can be bad!  It has a 3.9 out of 10 and 392 votes

• I wonder if George Clooney will show up in this (bonus points to those who get that reference)
• I think that is the opening shot of IT?  Is this Derry?
• Wow...that is creepy, Why too many pics of that girl...that he is probably stalking
• Is mom still wearing a nightgown?
• That is a big waste of bacon!
• I think that is Dean Hill!  (Double bonus points for those of you who get that reference)
• Yep, created zombie rats
• you have a lair?
• That is a tablet?
• Yeah, don't be sassy buddy!
• Awesome VW Bug!
• Yep, she did a few keys strokes and fixed it, if only it was that easy
• Yeah basically stalking her...or she is using him
• Yeah I'm on house arrest, so obviously I'm not there!
• I am loving the campiness of the flick!
• What the hell was that?  A superball?
• The owner does have a nice track suit
• "Just gonna put that back huh?"  HA HA!  
• C. Thomas Howell!  Of course he is this camp!!
• Good grief this is such campy BS!  LOVE IT!
• What acid?  It is a donut
• She is in sexy clothes....for donuts?  I mean pizza I can understand but donuts?
• The donuts actually have teeth...I wasn't quite expecting that
• How long did it take to get that guy to the station?  Hours?
• Oh no hippies are coming!
• I hate hippies!
• Did this just become When Harry Meet Sally?
• Did that kid just get it on with that MILF?
• Is that donut laughing?
• Yeah I thin khe just screwed his friends mom
• OH GOOD GRIEF NO!  They are really sexualizing donuts
• They are donuts, even worse than Chucky on the scare factor
• The clam in my chowder?
• Wait....so they just walk in asking to see her boobs?  Does that ever work?
• HUG FIGHT!!
• How many donuts did he put in the fryer?
• You hit someone and they sprayed....white stuff on your car
• yeah he is a zombie...that just shit himself....and we watched
• Oh and glowing green radioactive shit at that!
• What is with the masturbation jokes and implications
• One bit took that guys hand off?  
• They can spit acid?
• If this was an 80's horror comedy we'd see boobs right here....but nope
• Yes get out of the car to make sure what you're seeing is correct
• I love that the live action killer donuts are just throwing at the actors off screen!
• He could kill the sorority girls with his sword that is how dangerous he could be....oh wait...yeah not a real sword
• I like that the donuts often get into formation before attacking, it shows disapline
• I'm sorry this is so hokey and wonderfully enjoyable!
• How are there so many donuts?
• No one sees the killer jumping donuts?
• There are still donuts in the house?  HOW?  
• I wish I could have played the uncle, this would have been fun
• Awesome a nerf gun...nope even better squirt gun
• The Fridge, like in Indiana Jones!
• But...what about the donuts not in the store?
• THIS FLICK HAS ITS OWN THEME SONG!!!!

Well that was such a fun flick!  I mean campy horrible acting but it was what you would expect from a flick called Attack of the Killer Donuts

I got everything I wanted from this flick to be honest.  Some stupid laughs, eye rolls and all around a fun time.  I give it a 6/10 because of that.  A flick like this really cannot go much higher because it is a flick like this!

If you want a good old school campy B or C or maybe even D movie experience check this one out!

Movie Review: Horror Hotel

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you have found this entry.  Today (9/23/17) I am checking out the flick Horror Hotel The Movie.  It currently has a 5/10 over on IMDB with 884 votes.  ""Aliens Stole My Boyfriend" - Two cute alien chicks crash land their space buggy in the parking lot of the motor court looking for Earth boyfriends. "Coma Girl" - A macabre maintenance man falls in love with a comatose patient at the convalescent home where he works much to the dismay of her faithful husband. "Brain Robbers In Love" - A powerful older woman steals the body of a young woman using a top-secret brain-swapping devise stolen from a government vault. "The Problem With Clones" - A skip-tracer must search through a family of clones to find the sister who murdered her look alike. "Four-Eyes" - A paraplegic hit man is encouraged to pursue his gruesome talent by a man who wants to murder his ex-wife. "Life After Men" - In the near future, males are virtually extinct from disease and are tracked down my man hunters working for the new government."  So it appears this is a bunch of shorts within one flick.  We shall see.  It stars Tera Buerkle, Deborah Childs and Jordan Demers.  I think that says it all, lets all go check in to the Horror Hotel...where hopefully it isn't like the Hotel California and we can check out!

• I'll be honest the opening "logo" doesn't really instill hope!

• And then that happened....yeah I don't have a lot of hope for any of this.
• Roger Doger?  Really?  
• Firey death?  What fire?
• Okay at this point it has to be made to be a "B" movie right?
• Yeah the response of Mr. Sharko is correct
• A sonic screw driver is a drink?  Really?

• Did I take a bunch of drugs and not remember?  That must be it!
• He just walks in?
• She did commit murder
• Wait...but the dead alien....oh never mind
• Wait....I've seen this before haven't I?
• Yep a bunch of shorts...I wonder if it just their webseries put into a "movie"
• Are these things linked?
• What is going on?  I'm so confused!  And no disturbed (and not the band)
• Is he going to make him squeal like a piggie?

• So he was in the coma?  This is like cheap horrible rip offs of the Twilight Zone
• How does this have a 5/10?
• Yeah, I'm sure swapping brains with someone who needs money isn't going to have bad results
• I can't believe this is a webseries....because most aren't this bad!
• The title on a wheel chair?
• Is he going to have him kill him or sexually attack him?
• The things I watch and see for this blog
• I just looked, I guess there is a sonic screwdriver cocktail
• If men are extinct how are there women?
• Ah a fertility clinic, that makes sense

Well that was...something I guess.  I really don't know what to say.  I guess I'll give it a 3/10.  It wasn't bad but it sure wasn't good.  It was just there.  I was bored during the whole thing.  The term "horror" was used lightly as there was no horror.

It had sub-par acting in several parts, okay acting in others.  The writing...well....okay it was bad. Extremely bad.  So much of it made no sense and it hurt my head at times.  

This was just there and if you want to waste nearly 2 hours of your life you can but I can't suggest you do it!  This is not something I would suggest anyone watch...because...well...it isn't entertaining at all.

Grumpy Tired Stressed Rant

I haven't done this for a while but I'm tired, I'm grumpy, I'm stressed...so what does that mean? RANT TIME!!

• We are going into the holiday season so that means it is time to hear people bitch about retail places being open.  Because we know if it is a holiday NO ONE can work.  Just tell that to the nurses of the world.  Or the police (I know those assholes right?) or firepeople (gotta be politically correct).  Because they should have time with their families as well right!  Some might say I am going over the line that comparing retail with essential services isn't right but why not?  Its the same idea that people deserve to be with their families.  So why the difference?  You tell me because I don't see it.  Also what if said person doesn't have family or doesn't celebrate said holiday?  My point is I get tired of hearing from people who AREN'T working the day.  Last year I worked every major holiday because working in health care I don't get a day off (in the sense that my team needs to have people on staff 24/7).  If people don't want to work then they have the option of finding new employment!

• There is one thing that I cannot stand, and that is being late for work.  I don't think you should EVER be late for work.  I start work at 830 which means in my mind I get to work at 8.  That way if something happens I have 30 minutes of play before I'm late.  I have not been late for work in 10+ years because of this.  I have seen people who are ONLY late for work.  The same goes for anything.  I can't stand people being late or being late.  It is a respect thing, being late for things or appointments or whatnot shows your level of respect for those you're meeting or your coworkers.

• Less than a week ago hundreds of peoples lives were changed forever because of a person with 10+ guns (I believe last I heard but we all know it is important to give out information, even if it is false, first with the media).  I saw where a elected official (didn't catch for what) from I believe Kentucky said that people talking about gun laws right now is foolish because there are already laws against murder.  Well not shit!  Do we really?  That isn't the point you dumb fuck. The point is this person legally made automatic weapons because we don't have laws against the bump stocks.  I guess this guys right to arms but those people didn't have the right to life right?  There comes a point where one persons right trumps another persons and I'd say the right to LIFE is more important than your right to arms.  But what do I know.

I could go on but I won't....for now.  But seriously am I the only sane man alive?  Or perhaps the only insane one....

Bottome 100 Movie Review: #28 House of the Dead

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, whenever it is you have come across this entry.  I am returning the realm of expected bad movies today (9/19/17) as I am checking the 2003 flick House of the Dead.  It stars Jonathan Cherry, Tyron Leitso and Clint Howard.  "A group of college students travel to a mysterious island to attend a rave, which is soon taken over by bloodthirsty zombies." To quote the late Roddy Piper, sweet baby Jesus, this is a Uwe Boll flick?!?!  While I like a few of his films he does not have a good record at all, especially with video game franchises!  Well I cannot delay it any longer (which isn't true, I mean it is my choice to punish myself with these bad movies after all).  Lets go check out...uggg....House of the Dead!

• You can bet there will be a lot of gore in this flick as Boll loves his gore
• Nice Sega reference....or actually huge product placement
• Does Clint have a hook for a hand?
• Good grief, it starts bad...and we have a Capt. Kirk joke...fantastic
• It is too bad that he is in this flick because Jürgen Prochnow is a good actor.  Loved him in the audio book of World War Z, one of my favorite parts
• Takes off her top but not her underwear?  Wonder why that would be....I mean besides movie rules
• Pointless boobs underwater shot there
• Probably shouldn't be watching this flick at work
• Matt just disappeared with nothing left behind, not even a struggle, weird
• More toplessness for no reason
• Yes he went into the crypt, I mean why wouldn't someone go into a crypt on a mysterious island graveyard!  I love movie logic
• Ah yes now the zombies have found the "rave"
• WTF?  Random video game clips?
• They don't find it weird that NO ONE is at this "rave"
• groove to funky tunes?
• Yes more video game clips, can't figure out how this is a bottom 100 flick
• They sound more like beasts then zombies
• There are a lot of video games that could be movies but House of the Dead, a shooter on rails was low down on my list
• Yes, keep filming the entire time
• There are zombies attacking people, you hear someone pounding on the turned over portajohn and you open it?
• These zombies die from body shots?  What are the rules of this flick?
• Now they run?  And I hate running zombies
• So is Capt Kirk dead?
• Nope there he is...and there he goes :(
• Uggg, the use of shake first person cam is enough to get this in teh bottom 100
• Ah yes, the gearing up scene followed by video game clips
• I think that was actually a zombie out to the game!
• Also they have the Hershal unlimited ammo cheat!
• WTF was that zombie doing?
• Where did the dead find all these melee weapons?
• Why go in the cabin, you seemingly can take them just fine, killing 3 or 4 with one bullet even
• Also these zombies LOVE to jump
• Its a zombie not a T-Rex there Malcolm
• Oh the karate American Flag Wearing girl goes down
• They ate her legs that fast?  That is going to get you sick zombies
• So bites don't turn you?  Again what are the rules?
• Yes, now is the time to make out...wait...they dead are cleaning up their own?
• More making out as they are near the dead
• Where did they find more ammo? 
• He dropped a bullet, that will cost him
• So they were in this house the entire time before and never looked around?
• So these things aren't really zombies as much as undead.  I know it seems the same but it isn't!
• Howdy Rudy get in front of everyone?
• I don't think that is how gun powder works, but I can't say for sure
• Yes, follow the weird cloaked person
• Nice, a great skin mask
• Owe loved this 360 cam and slow motion
• Why isn't she bleeding?
• Oh, there is a little blood there

Well that was as bad as I expected.  Or what I expected.  The 2 on IMDB is perfect for this flick and it all falls on Boll's head.  The actors did what they could but when you have a director that goes for sizzle instead of steak this is what you get.  

I cannot say anything stuck out as horrible but nothing stood out a good.  The writing was bad, the acting at time was bad, it was a glorified stunt show most of the time actually.  Zombies jumping and using axes (I know it is in the game) explosions randomly or because why not throw a grande without telling the others.  

I can't say to watch this, it is not the kind of bad that it is enjoyable, it is just bad.

Movie Review: Gingerclown

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you've come across this entry.  Today (9/17/17) I am checking out the horror flick Gingerclown.  It stars Ashley Lloyd, Erin Hayes and Tim Curry.  "To impress the girl of his dreams, Sam enters an old amusement park, where torturous monsters roam the grounds."  As of today it has a ranking of 3.3/10.  Not a great endorsement but I'll give it a chance because why not!

        

• First off I like the running time of less that 90 minutes, that is good for a less than steller flick
• This flick has a weirdly interesting cast beyond Curry
• Then the acting begins...
• Wait...so the kid is out riding his bike around lovers lane?  Weird
• It is weird the one kid on the team is the same as the nerd
• Is this guy going to rape the nerd?  It seems to be implied...you know it is the implication
• Evidence like corpses?
• Wow Biff is a horrible actor!
• Almost everyone is actually
• Do you want something nice or scary?
• Wait...why is she going into the closed haunted park?
• Was that a pig?  Or a wolf?
• Why would someone be there?  IT IS ABANDONED!
• I am 18 minutes into this flick and it is getting a 1....yep a 1...lower if I could
• And I thought school was bad...he just said that line....with about the same passion as you red it in
• It is taking all the will power I have to watch this flick, this is special dead bad.  
• I think they just have Tim Curry doing a laugh
• No this film is my worst nightmare; honestly this is my worst nightmare
• The stench is awful...like this movie
• So acting is just yelling for this guy huh?  
• I was wrong earlier that under 90 minutes was a good time...it should not have any running time; it shouldn't have been made
• This is European huh just watched an interview with Lance Henriksen about this flick.  I hope he got a lot of money because this awful
• Really?  Spoofing Big?  This movie shouldn't spoof the Room it is so bad

For only the second time that I can remember I have shut off a flick.  I am literally getting paid right now watching it at work and I can't do it.  This honestly is right up with Special Dead with just bad bad flicks.  Do not watch this flick, there is absolutely nothing good about it.  I wouldn't make my worst enemy watch this film.  This should be illegal in all 50 states as a form of torture.