Take Notes Hollywood

This past week I've re-watched the entire Critters movie franchise.  No I wasn't being punished.

I actually enjoy the flicks.  I believe I have talked about this in the past but it was one of the first horror movies I saw and it gave me nightmares.  To be honest these little furballs still come back to haunt my nightmares occasionally!

However I am starting to realize that Hollywood could learn a lot from these movies and the movies of this era.  Let me explain.

Is it possible for Hollywood to make a movie that isn't over two hours?  Seriously is it?  Almost every flick I saw this year was over two hours.  Sometimes just to make it two hours it seemed.  Like they added crap just to make sure "we got our money worths".  Even if it ruins the flow of the movie or adds shit that means little to nothing to the story.  Watching these four flicks reminded me of a time that they did not just bloat the film with crap.  They tell a basic back story and then get to the main story.  No wasted fluff!

This also reminded me of a time when movies were NOT all green screen and CGI.  While goofy at times it is nice to see all practical effects.  My fear when the new critters series comes out...oh yeah there is a TV series coming out...another reason I watched these flicks....when the series comes out I'm hoping the series uses more practical effects then CGI.  

What these flicks do well is pacing and storytelling.  Acting not so much but storytelling is very well done.  

Take the third movie for example.  1.  Family shows up at rest area and meets Charlie and Critters.  2.  Family goes home to find slumlord is pushing people.  3.  Critters attack.  4.  Slumlord is someone from rest area.  5.  Critters and humans fight.  6.  End.  Nothing overly complicated just straight forward story telling.  They didn't add in a bunch of shit.

Take Shape of Water for example.  A movie I really enjoyed but had a lot of fluff.  The entire pie store storyline was really just fluff.  It had no real impact on the story.  It was probably 10 minutes of unneeded information about the character.  I'm all for character development if it means something but this did not...much like half of my blogs when they're not reviews of something!

Yes I tend to ramble and I realize movies often do as well but there are times you have to ask did that add ANYTHING to the flick.  I also realize that there are times where I am off on my thinking when it comes to these things.  I just believe that Hollywood is in dire need of editors that realize sometimes less is more and we don't need certain things.

Movie Review: Cook Off

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you have come across this entry. Today, 1/20/18, I am checking out the 2007 (released in 2017) flick Cook Off.  Starring Louie Anderson, Nick Rey Angelus and Diedrich Bader.  "Amateur "chefs" from around the country compete for a million dollar prize in the ultimate food fight."  This sounds interesting!  It only has a 4.2 rating with 291 votes...so not a lot of views on IMDB.

• A lot of American Flags thus far in this flick...and it is just starting....USA USA!
• And then we have dildos!
• Lutheran marital aids huh?
• Wow the chick from Goldbergs and Reno 911 really looks different and is really frumpy
• Its Bee Bop!  He is funny
• Meaty kernels doesn't have to be refrigerated, those sound....great
• Voice actor Phil Lamar and Niecy Nash!
• Wonder if Niecy will have her fake ass on?
• Where did they dig Louie Anderson up from?!?!
• Nope no fake ass
• Not a lot to say about this, it is one of those like A Mighty Wind, and it is random
• And there is Melissa McCarthy!
• Also she didn't put her fingers anywhere!
• I haven't mentioned but Oswald from the Drew Carey show is in this...but I'm not sure he knows he is in a movie.  He is just wondering around drinking
• There is McCarthy's husband!
• Gavin MacLeod is in this flick more than Louie Anderson!
• Jordan Black is actually pretty funny
• Cream corn does go in like it comes out
• Awww, that is too bad for McCarthy!
• I think half of Reno 911 is in this flick!
• Bananas....sounds like a nice club...like the Blue Oyster
• Wendi McLendon-Covey looks completely different in this flick!

That was...something.  It feels like one of those flicks like Mighty Wind or Mascots where they don't really have a script.  I think it suffered from that a bit.  The story was interesting but things beyond that just didn't click unfortunately.  Lots of really good actors but something didn't click.

Storylines didn't really go anywhere and characters just disappeared and reappeared.  I wonder if things were edited poorly.  I feel like it should have been amazing but it was just missing something.

Overall I think it is a 5/10.  Slightly higher then what IMDB says but not by much.  I feel like a missed opportunity with this cast and I'd like to see a more uncut version.

The bottom line is it has a few funny moments but I feel something was missing so I would not say to run out a check the flick out but if you do get the chance there are worse ways to spend 90 minutes!

Movie Review: Insidious: The Last Key (or hopefully the last movie)

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you found this entry.  Today, 01/06/18, I checked out the lastest in the Insidious flicks, the Last Key.  It currently has a rating of 6.1 with 1978 votes.  It stars Lin Shaye, Leigh Whannell and Angus Sampson.  Parapsychologist Dr. Elise Rainier faces her most fearsome and personal haunting yet - in her own family home."

The Good:

First off let me sayin that I am glad that this is seemingly the end of the series.  This takes place prior to the first story, you know timey wimey.

The acting from MOST of the actors (more on this later) is good to above average.  The team of Specs and Tucker are, like the other flicks, fantastic in their roles.  The addition of the younger Rainiers is also well done.  Another thing that these films usually do well is the bad guys.  Key Guy, as I am calling him, is a pretty cool design.  You also have to respect that this is a 4 film franchise lead by a 70 year old woman! (My better half pointed this out to me)

The Bad:

Now this is going to sound weird after what I just said but remember when I said most of the acting was good or better?  Well the lead, Lin Shaye, just isn't great.  She is okay but like the other films there were scenes were she just seemed out of it, and not the way the movie character should.  While the running time, 103 minutes per IMDB, is good I would have shaved off a few minute more minutes and tried to fit into the 90 minutes.  Several scenes while Elise is in the void was just too long.  Also the scene early on with the "lights" didn't make sense to me. Maybe it was a call back to something but it was 5 minutes to cut.

The Ugly:

The ending/last fight was just bad.  It just ended basically.  It is one of those scenes that left me scratching my head.  I felt that it was an afterthought and they just felt it was not important.  Also I felt that several times they went to the bad horror movies plan of playing EXTREMELY loud music when they did a jump scare.  You jump because your ears started bleeding not because of the scary moment.

Overall I think that the others who have rated this have it right with the flick falling in about 6/10.  Slightly below the others and on par with the third one I think.  Some, like my wife like the old buy guy better.

But I will always just see this.  

Until next time watch out for demons and the mist!  

Movie Review: Bottom 100: Laserblast

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you have come across this entry.  Today, 12/31/17, I am watching the bottom 100 flick Laserblast!  "A teenager stumbles upon an alien weapon, which transforms him into a grotesque killer."  It stars Kim Milford, Cheryl Smith and Gianni Russo.  It currently has a rating of 2.5 with 4890 votes.

• My wife says it has green lettering it has to be bad...we shall see!
• Roddy McDowell is in this
• I'm just going to quote my wife "Why does he look like Mick Jagger"
• I've seen worse CGI in modern SyFy flicks
• That is an "ET Dinosaur" according to my better half
• I'm sorry now it is a Mick Jagger Zombie
• 70's pants and ass
• "My mom still has that luggage" - Wife
• Is that his mom?
• Wow...the dialog is AMAZING!

• The 70's, when shirts were optional EVERYWHERE!  This guy has not had one on yet
• What is on the back of the van...a turkey?
• So the "col." is wasted/high/shell shocked right?
• Cops were almost always fat and stupid in 70's movies
• Yes red neck honky tonk music for the cops!
• Yeah...how is your momma these days?
• Why does he have bigfoot prints on his van?
• Jeebus cars flipped easier in the 70's I guess
• He is going to race...in a van?
• Best laugh in movie HISTORY!!!
• The gun shoots on its own?
• Is that a potato gun?
• Is this guy a pre-teen?
• Looks a little like a penis pump....I heard....um....
• Why the sudden music?
• You can tell they are aliens; they only have three fingers
• Is that guy a man in black?
• That is a lot of skin for the deserts
• Is that the mothers of dragons?
• Is that cake or a pancake?
• France exploded their 28th atom bomb?  Really?
• Oh a rape scene....how nice....with the nerds?
• Watch out...he has a tennis racket...like Jim Cornette!

• Those are some 70's shorts or Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders
• That laser gun is giving that guy an orgasm I think!
• Yep he was a man in black
• That was a Star Trek panel!
• So he is full zombie with a laser gun now

Yeah that flick was bad.  I mean it was just bad!  The dialog was bad and the acting was bad.  I do not have much to say about this flick.  DO NOT WATCH IT!!

Movie Review: Kangaroo Jack

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening....whenever it is you have found this review.  Today, 9/29/17, I am checking out the flick Kangaroo Jack for some reason.  Why?  I do not know>  I remember that the flick made me laugh when I saw it in the theaters...but that was a while ago and I often laugh at horrible things.  "Two childhood friends, a New York hairstylist and a would-be musician, get caught up with the mob and are forced to deliver $50,000 to Australia, but things go haywire when the money is lost to a wild kangaroo."  It stars Anthony Anderson, Jerry O'Connell and Estella Warren.  It currently has a 4.4/10 with 25,044.

• Did this become Borderlands?
• Seriously?  This is the music for this scene?
• Does he actually think he can outrun the cops in that panel van?
• Oh how the career of Anthony Anderson has grown
• Oh Christopher Walken...why
• How...who....did I laugh at this before?
• Oh...because they want you to think that they are talking about poopy...
• Did someone on speed edit this?
• Of course this song is in the flick
• What?  What was Jerry O'Connell just doing?
• How did he not see that kangaroo?
• Okay...Anthony still makes me laugh
• Banger short of a barbie?  
• What is the point of these weird scenes with kangaroo and the random noises?
• Okay, I hate to admit it this is still making me laugh, especially Anthony Anderson
• He can fly just fine after those drinks
• He does look friendly
• Why did they put their shirts back on?  EDITING!
• Michael Shannon is strange looking...well more than usual
• Grits?  Chicken and waffles?
• I hate that I laugh at this horrible acting and what not
• Yep, grabbing boobs is the first thing I do when I see things in the desert
• Chicken blood!
• Yep, nothing says family flick like groping and chicken blood
• More poop/fart humor?  Really?
• Really a training Training Montage?  
• Why did the guys take their shirts off but she didn't?
• Did I suddenly switch to a Michael Bay flick?
• These experienced mobsters didn't notice the guy had scissors in his pants?
• These guys are morons!
• Really?  I don't think those camels are going to catch up with that roo...but what do I know
• And according to Google I am wrong, camels can run faster than roos
• Looks just like they are really on the cliff....
• Worst pick up shots ever, didn't even look like she was in the same place
• Yep, retard is family friendly!

Well at least the flick is short.  That is really the only thing I can good about it.  That isn't true. O'Connell and Anderson did actually have good chemistry.  I felt like they were life long friends.  On top of that I felt the writing between those two felt right.  The two act pretty much just like I do with my best friend.  Then there was the rest of the movie (to paraphrase Paul Harvey)

The script itself was horrible and the acting felt phoned in like actors knew this was a trainwreck while they performed.  The affects were horrible and they must have forced all the Jacky Legs Kangaroo crap in at the end (I just looked on IMDB and that basically said they did after Snow Dogs).

That being said I still laughed at the stupid stuff more then I'd care to admit but I did.  For that I give it a 6/10, and that is only because O'Connell and Anderson felt so real.  Aside from that it is not a good flick.