Movie Review: Granny of the Dead

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you have found this review.  Tonight I'm checking out the 2017 flick Granny of the Dead.  As of 7/14/16 it has a rating of 5.1.  "Regular guy Ed (Marcus Carroll) awakes one morning to find that his Grandmother has become one of the living dead. While trapped in his home Ed tries to survive the day, keep his house zombie free, stay alive and save the day."  It stars Marcus Carroll, Abigail Hamilton and Oliver Ferriman.  I stumbled upon this today and had to check it out.  Lets see what happens

• Oh man this is going to be awful...I mean awful
• A mom apple pie joke, nice
• These are some really ugly actors!
• That was thunder?
• Why did she turn into a zombie?
• That zombie is super strong!
• Granny zombie is awesome!
• ZOMBIEVISION!
• That is what gets people killed, checking it out, you dumb ass!
• That zombie just cooked a cat....smart zombie!
• Gross skinny guy needs to put on a shirt!
• Why throw the knife/blade down?
• Zombie attack only on one street?
• Does the UK still have milkmen?
• A zombie demon?  AWESOME!
• Boy the acting leavings quite a bit to be desired here
• OH GOD SHE IS GOING TO BITE OFF HIS COCK!
• And we got to see the cock in the old birds mouth
• He shot the dog?  NOT COOL!
• Wait...there are still cars driving around?  What is this Birdemic?
• That is an annoying ring tone if I ever heard one
• This director went to the Michael Bay school of action scenes, shot it fast enough and it doesn't have to look good
• Awesome, they referenced Hobo with a Shotgun!
• That zombie was blocking bullets with her walker!  
• Doing the potty dance...doing the potty dance
• Okay the shit scene is making me chuckle a bit
• Was she hanging like a bat?
• Uggg, I hate blood on the camera in movies
• Nice Jurassic Park line/reference usage
• Its true, old people throw shoes!  This movie proved it
• That cop turned fast
• Why throw the hammer away?  Also you know have an exposed driver side window sunshine
• Shit that zombie can drive a front loader
• scratch and sniff walls, welcome to 2017!
• Better make sure you take some crisps kid
• You didn't lock the door you dumb kid
• Looks like someone is going to spit on that girls grave....because she is dressed like the main character....guess you have to watch the movie now to see what I mean
• For 90 minutes this is taking a long time
• He uses a gun about as well as I would, that makes me feel...really bad
• What is going on?  A hand out of her mouth?
• Aww, the two weird guys are in love, nice
• Bye bye Billy
• Topless zombie guy sure does a lot goofy facial acting, like the kid from the Goldbergs aka young Jack Black

Well that was interesting.  I'm not sure what to think.  IMDB has it at a 5 and I think I am going to go that route too.  I feel like it tried to be too much and didn't explain anything.  I'm not sure what happened to be honest.  What was the shadow hand thing?  Was it supernatural or just regular zombie stuff.  

The effects were bad and the acting was okay at best most of the time.  The one girl who I will call Spit on my Grave Girl (I think her name was Ceri in the flick) was probably the best....and Jurassic Park cop was good too.  

The effects were okay to poor but it was a low budget flick so that is to be expected.  

It isn't the trainwreck I wanted it to be so that is a good thing.  It was "MEH" for me.  If you have 90 minutes or so to kill, no pun intended, check it out.  

Until next time...remember...when there no more room in hell....people get to be really old and turn into zombie/demons...I guess...I don't know...its been a rough week

Movie Review: Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening...whenever it is you have come across this entry.  First off I am sorry for my recent delay in posts, family and work stuff gets the in the way sometimes you know.  I am back however and this time I am checking out the 2014 flick Dawn of the Planet of the Apes.  It stars Gary Oldman, Keri Russell and Andy Serkis.  "A growing nation of genetically evolved apes led by Caesar is threatened by a band of human survivors of the devastating virus unleashed a decade earlier." As of 7/12/16 IMDB users have this rated as a 7.6

• Could this movies title be longer?
• I will say they do a good job making it look like real apes
• Is that a hunting plan?  1 out of 100 is not a good ratio there boys
• That bear was awesome!  Dead but awesome
• Yes Ass Face Monkey is still around!
• Gross baby monkey!
• Should I know what these damn dirty monkeys are saying
• That guy totally just shot that monkey in the face....nope it wasn't the face
• How do you not notice apps following you?
• Am I watching a movie or the Trump War Room?  BAM!
• Wouldn't horses be freaked out by monkeys?
• That one monkey seems nice
• Why are they scared?  Talking monkeys?
• That place must smell awful!  
• I bet that isn't all mud
• Shouldn't there be more poop throwing?
• I didn't know I needed a ASL book to watch this flick
• He is one ugly monkey...but looking at him you should know he is evil!
• That is one ugly baby monkey!
• Of course one of the humans did something stupid like keep a gun
• He has anger issues
• Is he going to give ass face a book?
• Scarface monkey is creepy and evil, can't they tell that?
• No sound, that means bad things are coming
• This should be a massacre
• A tank?  NICE!
• The monkeys stole the tank!
• Should've killed the human, now you die 
• When does this kid die what with his drawing and what not
• Good grief this flick is LONG!
• Oh shit, John Conner just got cooked!  (look it up boys and girls)
• OH NO ASS FACE WAS SHOT!!  NOT ASS FACE!  NOOOOOOO!!
• Okay I think that Ass Face is okay

Well that certain was a movie wasn't it boys and girls?  I guess I'm about the same as IMDB, I'd give it a 6/10 because it was just too long.  Too drawn out.

The effects were well done and the story isn't bad but a few gaps.  Like wouldn't the military be out either hunting those damn dirty apes or gathering people?  Also how did the people continually not see giant apes following them!

Overall not bad but not Earth shattering either!  If you haven't seen it you probably won't unless like me you are going to be checking out the next flick with your $4 atom ticket from T-Mobile.  

Until next time remember...

Movie Review: Moonrise Kingdom

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, whenever it is you have found this entry.  Today I'm checking out the flick Moonrise Kingdom.  This is a Wes Anderson flick that stars Jared Gilman, Kara Hayward and Bruce Willis.  I found it because of this site which gives some of the top flicks on Netflix.  I'll be honest up front, knowing it is a Wes Anderson flick I'm not sure I'll like it, I am not a fan of most of his stuff but lets see.  At IMDB as of 7/3 it has a 7.8 rating.  "A pair of young lovers flee their New England town, which causes a local search party to fan out to find them."

• I like the 93 minute running time of this flick
• I am not a fan of the cast thus far
• Uggg, this is very art house like most of his flicks...I'm not sure this was the correct flick for me to pick
• Uggg, I am not enjoying this at all.  Now I remember why I dislike Wes Anderson flicks....the dialog is painful
• WTF?  Weapons?
• Thus far calling this a comedy is a stretch, boring is the word I'd use
• Seriously does Anderson right his dialog in bullets thinking that the actors will ad-lib but they don't.  Just doing soundbites
• When does the comedy start?
• Didn't Sam say he wasn't a strong swimmer?  But he jumped into the ocean?
• Is the tent going to get washed out to sea?
• Beach dance party!  YEAH!
• This is extremely awkward, like uncomfortable awkward
• It is only half over?  Really?
• I ask again...when does the comedy come in?
• This is painful in my opinion...very painful
• Is this the longest 93 minutes in film history?
• Worst CGI fire EVER!

I don't get it, I don't.  I don't understand Wes Anderson flicks.  How is that listed as a comedy is beyond me.  I give it a 5/10.  The acting was well done and the filming and what not was well done.  I just didn't find it entertaining or anything.

I don't want to rant and rave here because it is what it is.  I know a lot of people like Wes Anderson so that is good but I didn't find it entertaining at all.  Boring is what I call it.  

Until next time...abyssinia!

Movie Review: The Mist

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening....whenever it is you have come across this entry.  With the TV series starting up we decided to check out the 2007 flick The Mist.  It stars Thomas Jane, Marcia Gay Harden and Laurie Holden (along with half a dozen other Walking Dead alum).  As of 6/28 it has a 7.3 rating.  "A freak storm unleashes a species of bloodthirsty creatures on a small town, where a small band of citizens hole up in a supermarket and fight for their lives."

• Those are nice paintings he has there, especially the Thing 
• Watch out, there will be a killer clown next....what?  Oh wrong flick
• That was almost...the storm of the century...get it...
• Ah there is Andrea...wonder if everyone is going to hate her like on most things she is on
• Oh shit there is Dale!  Its like a prequel to the Walking Dead!
• Oh Frank Darabont directed it that sorta makes sense
• And there is Carol....with her weird short hair....does she always have weird short hair
• Oh and President Ellis from the Marvel flicks, good casting
• There is always one who starts saying its end of days...I hope to be that guy one day!
• Opening the door after knowing two people died in the mist makes perfect sense
• The CGI is bad in this flick!
• And we go down the violence path quickly!
• The Punisher is pretty much a bad ass in all flicks
• Maine people are kind of harsh on out-of-towners
• The chunk of the monster is going to be gone
• Nope, it isn't gone...my bad
• A problem of some magnitude he says
• The bill is due?  It must be paid?  Isn't that what The Governor said to Tyrese?
• Billy your mommy is dead...and you'll be dead soon too
• I wouldn't go into that mist even if there weren't monsters in it
• Obviously something is going to grab the guy and the rope right?
• That is disgusting!  Bugs are gross
• Turn off the lights it is attracting the bugs....and what the fuck was that?!?!
• Love that one group is turning lights out and the others are turning on brighter lights!
• I might not leave the the house again thinking these things are outside...
• This has become a shit show of bugs and fire...awesome
• People are not basically good Andrea!
• They don't quite understand single file I don't think
• Oh the doors are open, that is a good sign
• Are those webs?  How did they not notice the webs?
• There are people in the webs!  Oh shit is about to burst open!  RUN!
• All our fault?  Damn military!
• I like this old lady...kill them all with fire!
• That place would have been burned to the ground as I walked out
• For a god fearing person the crazy lady sure is violent and vulgar
• Walking on the moon is against the law of God?
• Really good casting in this flick
• The boy?  Yeah another reason to hate religion
• Yeah honking is a great idea!
• Forget the gun and GO!
• Stinger through the roof?
• Sorry wifey, you and your son and next buddy
• And when the gas runs out?
• How many bullets left?  Enough for everyone?  Or just the boy?
• I think I'd sit there for a while at least
• Is it wrong that I hope he gets saved after killing everyone else?
• And that is good story telling!

I really enjoyed the flick.  It isn't perfect but what flick is?  Overall however this flick was very enjoyable.  My biggest complaint about the flick is that the flick is a little long.  At just over two hours it feels slightly long.  It didn't feel like two hours but it was long.  Personally I would cut out the neighbor storyline and character completely sense we don't know what happened to his group and it wasn't really needed.  That character could have been added to other people there.  

I liked the ending in that it wasn't the typical hollywood ending and I read that one of the major requirements for Frank Darabont to do the flick was for the ending not to be changed.  I saw it coming once I read that.  I like it but I think they needed to have them sit there for a while.  They sat in the dead car for all of what 2 minutes (it seems, they could have added a time lapse or a note saying days later or something).  

What I really liked about this flick was the excellent casting.  Everyone was good to excellent.  The crazy lady, Carmody, was fantastic as was the old lady and Andrea from the Walking Dead.  Oh and is there a more underrated actress around than Laurie Holden?  I've loved her acting since I first saw her on the Shield!  While Jane isn't the most charismatic actor he was very good in the role.

Overall I agree with this flick and I rate it the same as everyone else 7/10.   

Until next time remember...if you see a strange mist coming over the mountain lock yourself up and turnoff the lights...oh and stay way from crazy religious people!

Movie Review: Transformers 5

Let me start by saying this....DO NOT SEE THIS FILM!  I regret it because we should not be giving ANYONE money for this movie.  This movie is one of the worst things I've seen put on film.

Okay let me do one of my usual formats, the Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

The Good:

There was NOTHING good about this movie except when it ended.

The Bad:

Everything from the first films continues to be bad:

• The camera shots are awful.  There are so many times that you can't tell what is going on it is horrible
• There are times where you don't know if things are up or down
• Some of the CGI effects are horrible; like the irish whip Marky Mark does near the end of the flick
• They introduce several new Transformers...only for them to die without knowing why they were
• They did a bit right out of Boarderlands or Suicide Squad with Decepticons which was awful
• The introduction of Hot Rod
• Several times you don't know what happens to certain transformers but then they show back up
• The acting 

The Ugly:

This film had so many plot holes that Optimus Prime could easily drive through them!  The plans these people come up for in the flick make no sense.  There are time line shifts that make no sense in the flick.  The entire thing with Nemesis Prime doesn't make sense either.  

Don't get me started on the whole Unicron idea.  I won't ruin that jem for everyone but it is AWESOME!

Overall I give this piece of shit a 1/10 only because 0/10 isn't an option on IMDB.  I will NOT, repeat NOT, give this franchise any more of my money.  I will NOT be fooled again.  I am going to watch the animated flick soon to clear my mind and remind myself that Transformers was enjoyable at one point!