The Martian: A Review

Hello again everyone!  I know its been a few weeks but I'm back and this time with Golden Globe winning Comedy or Musical The Martian.  It stars Matt Damon, Jessica Chastain, Kristen Wiig and of course Michael Peña!  As of 01/23 it has a 8.1/10 over in IMDB.

• Several minutes in and this flick is hilarious!  The opening song and dance number was maybe the best thing I've ever see on film
• Oh my god that guy got hit with a satellite!  Funny as shit!
• Why did they go outside again?
• Michael Peña is amazing in everything he does
• Is "Oxygen level is critical" song has an amazing beat
• He is really good at typing with one hand....
• Well that is disgusting!
• Thus far the flick is moving a good pace for it basically being Matt on the screen alone
• Happy Days?  Really?
• First joke is him talking to Christ about cutting up his cross.  Not seeing this as a comedy or musical thus far....okay him smoking is funny
• Well that didn't take much, who knew it'd be so easy to grow stuff in Martian dirt
• Okay now I see why they classified it as a comedy.  It isn't a funny comedy they just have comic relief in it
• Brought to you by CISCO!  Branding is awesome
• Shit...that is Sean Bean.  How is he going to die in this flick?
• For a plant guy he sure is a hell of an engineer
• That potatoes should've burned the fuck out of his mouth!
• Good thing there are no other storms on Mars I guess
• Well that is just a barrel of laughs!  How do you like those potatoes?
• Shouldn't there be internal shutters for incase of just this type of situation?
• Troy?  Shouldn't Abed being doing these calculations?
• I wonder if potatoes and Vicodin is any good?
• Well that is a real dick punch!
• Why not turn the shuttle around?
• Yeah, this flick is starting to drag a bit.  Feels like its been a full two hours and only an hourish in
• Really?  You can do it Sue Storm?
• Basically all you need to survive on Mars is plastic tarps, duct tape and human shit.  Good to know
• Oh good grief Damon butt!
• That is the best beard he can grow in 7 months?
• That beard is really white trashy Matt!
• Blonde Beard?  COME ON MATT!
• Oh I forgot you need a lot of straps and bungees to survive
• Yeah become less white trashy sunshine
• If I was writing this I'd have the MAV blow up as a big FU to the fans
• This is the worst idea I've ever heard in my life!
• Yeah lets Iron Man this shit!
• Should have ended with the hugs in the ship

Okay this was an okay flick.  I guess I'll give it a 7 out 10.  I know that is my average score but I look as an average flick score.  

It wasn't anything special from a movie stand point.  We sort of saw it with Cast Away only this time it was in space.  The effects were cool but nothing we haven't seen before in Armageddon, Deep Impact, Gravity etc.  

The one bright point was the acting from pretty much everyone in the flick.  I've always been indifferent to Damon but he did an excellent performance with this flick, especially when you figure he was doing it all with a gopro.

There are some glaring plot holes that I assume were covered in the novel but I am not going to dwell on those, it is a movie and you can't cover everything an in real life we often have plot holes of our own.  

I am still not sure why this was listed as a comedy or musical at the Golden Globes other then to give it an award and let Leo get his.  

The biggest complaint I have from the flick is the length.  nearly 2.5 hours is too long!  I'm really getting tired of these 2+ hour movies.  120 minutes should be the most for most flicks.  This really drug in the middle as one thing after another failed.  The last 30 minutes was just too much for me. Reminded me of Saving Private Ryan and I was hoping they'd just say fuck it this is too much for one guy.  

Okay enough rambling folks.  Check this flick out, I give it my stamp of approval!  Until next time, Abyssinia!

The Force Awakens or should it have stayed asleep?

The above was my face when I heard a new Star Wars was coming out.  "Why?  Didn't they learn when the fans hated the last three?"  Next I was wondering/hoping/praying that Jar Jar would be back.  Mostly because most people hate him and well that is how I roll.  I won't bore you with what the movie is about because well biggest movie EVER in North America and most everyone has seen it.  I am not a huge fan of Star Wars so lets see if this flick changes my mind shall we!

• I forgot how over powering the music in in Star Wars at times!  
• That droid is already annoying.  BB-8 or whatever
• Is that the War Doctor?  NO MORE!
• These are not the droids you're looking for
• I like my Stormtroopers are clones thank you very much
• Why are spaceships in most movies really weird looking?
• I hope this is Gonzo who walks out of the ship!  Disney owns them both
• At least R2D2 had a buddy while he wondered the desert.  I can't wait to see the Jawas again when Luke buys BB-8...sorry wrong movie...I think....
• Its weird for you to know the leader is female.  I always assumed those helmets made everyone sound the same.  Because they're nameless faces soldiers
• Is she a sand person?  *insert sand person yell here*
• A sled, in the desert!  NOW I'VE SEEN EVERYTHING!
• Did the Men in Black character designers get paid twice for their work or did Lucas/Disney just steal their work?  
• Is she part squirrel?  Its weird the way she is eating
• Is that a Jawa?  Wait...that is the dog guy from the Labyrinth isn't it!
• What kind of accent does Squirrel girl have?
• Oh I get it, she is this movies Rocket Raccoon!
• This flick follows most of the other movies, subpar acting
• Turbo Lasers?
• What just happened to the ship?  Did the desert just eat it?  
• Did the editors of this flick get a copy of After Effects or Windows Movie Maker?  Lots of weird swipes/wipes/dissolves and what not
• Garbage?  
• I'm having pod race flashbacks
• Don't get cocky kid....I SAID THE LINE!  I'M PART OF THE FUN!
• Anger issues!
• When does Yogurt show up?
• Where is his walker?  No way he walked up that ramp on his own
• Rathtar?  Who makes these names up
• HE SAID IT!  BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS!  CLAP CLAP!
• So a Rathtar is like a really big Crite/Critter bred with a beholder?
• Why is Chewies blaster a crossbow? I've always wondered that
• What is with this horrible dissolves/wipes!
• Is that the Orc from the Hobbit movies?
• Did the one boy kill all the younglings too?
• Good grief is this based on a fanfic script?
• WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!?!
• Wait...isn't that one of the aliens from Spaced Invaders?  
• Or is it Donny from the new TNMT movies?
• I can't take these dissolves/wipes much more!
• I feel like this base is a base in Doctor Who with all the goofy aliens.  Where is the Parasite god and the singing?
• Wait, the beach ball can go up and down stairs?
• Does BB stand for Beach Ball?  I hope so!
• Am I suddenly back in Episode 3?  Was that Vader's voice?
• Wow Nazi imagery much?
• I think someone should yell UNICRON at some point here
• Is this when the Ewoks save the day?
• Nice Apocalypse Now shot
• Was that the Wilhelm scream?
• How does the light saber not cut through the weapon the trooper has?  I'm confused
• JAR JAR TO THE RESCUE!  
• Is she going to find "herself" in one of these caves along with a Muppet?
• Carrie Fisher doesn't look near as bad as I thought she did in the trailer
• PUT THE MASK BACK ON!!
• The Force never works when you want it to
• Why do they always repeat what they're forced to do with the Force?  Its weird
• There was the Robot Chicken Star Wars moment!
• UNICRON!!
• Nice to see Greg Grunberg  I like that guy
• STAY ON TARGET....a little early, sorry guys
• Shouldn't he be able to track Rey with the force?  Isn't it like having Find a Friend on your iPhone?
• Chewie is comic relief now?  I'm sad
• The Maker C3PO?  Isn't that Darth Vader?  SHAME!
• Did this just turn into Independence day?  YOU DID NOT JUST SHOOT THAT GREEN SHIT AT ME!
• Is Rey a Time Lord?  How does she understand Chewie and BB-8?
• Oh shit, not a random walkway.  Someone is losing a hand or a dad here!
• Ah yes the random setting of the bombs scene
• Again put the mask back on son
• Why are the bad guys such babies in the Star Wars films?  So much bad guy crying!
• Well I don't think he is coming back from that!
• Everything I've got?  I was going to hold some back just in case but since you said everything 
• PORKINS NO!!!  Damn it, wrong movie again
• Ah yes the brute force anger approach.  I approve!  
• This is the first scene that I've actually enjoyed
• Did he just get his hand cut off?
• Don't worry Ren chicks dig scars
• How did Chewie find them?
• Did the good guys just destroy an entire planet?
• Why does Rey still have those arm wraps on?
• It is strange that Luke looks the best of all three from the original trilogy  Plus he has an AWESOME beard
• Really?  A helicopter shot?

Good grief that was long!  Let me start off with a rating.  I guess 7/10.  It was borderline 6 but I did enjoy the fight at the end and the return of Luke.  

Lets start with some cons.  The biggest is the length.  It is just over two hours.  Several scenes could have been cut or shortened.  I would cut probably 15 minutes and then a year after the DVD release right before Episode 8 release an extended edition!  They continued with the tradition of not having great acting which hurts the films as well.  Sorry to insult an actor but Ren's performance was bad and I felt like Carrie Fisher kind of phoned her performance in.  The aliens in these films are always bad but good grief the Rathtar were as bad as the chicken lizard from Episode 2 I think it was. Lastly I know Star Wars uses a lot of dissolves/swipes/wipes and what not but good grief WAY too many.

I did like the Rey's performance although earlier on she was weird with her squirrel eating and odd accent that seemed to disappear.  The fight at the end between Ren/Rey/Finn was good and the shot of Rey standing over Ren was AWESOME!  Reminded me of The 10th Doctor in the Christmas episode killing the spider queen.  

I didn't think there were nearly as many plot holes as some out there.  I thought that it mirrored the other movies way too much and it felt a little bit like a fan fic with some of the lines being reused and stuff like that.

Overall it was okay.  It was kind of cool seeing people from the original three even if they all looked old.  It was nothing to nerdgasm over like some I've seen but it could have been much worse.  It wasn't Episode 2 bad but without Jar Jar and the Ewoks it'll never be complete!

The Condemned 2: A review

Good morning, afternoon or evening whenever you're check this out.  I am back after a few weeks off.  Once the Walking Dead went on break and Fallout 4 came out I have been distracted.  However I am back for an occasional review until the Walking Dead returns.  This time I'm checking out The Condemned 2 from WWE Studios.  "A former bounty hunter who finds himself on the run as part of a revamped Condemned tournament, in which convicts are forced to fight each other to the death as part of a game that's broadcast to the public."  I enjoyed the first Condemned with Vinnie Jones and Stone Cold.  This one stars Randy Orton, Eric Roberts and Wes Studi.  As of 2016/01/02 it has a 4.2 over on IMDB.  

• Are they in a Fallout?  That is totally a wasteland barricade, trust me I've broken through a lot of them lately!
• Is this the new version of bum fights, bum drugging?
• These guards have to be related to stormtroopers
• Probably should've used silenced weapons guys, just saying
• Hey I think that one guy was Hanks partner on Breaking Bad
• I think Randy Orton might be the worst bounty hunter EVER!
• Well that is the end of that guy!
• Judges sure do give a lot of speeches in movies, I wonder if they do in real life
• I hope his dad is Cowboy Bob!  Wrestling reference #1
• Oh...instead it is Eric Roberts, not nearly as cool
• Wow dad is pretty caring, a real pops
• The music in this flick is a little oppressive
• Excellent, a car fixing/towing montage
• Oh its his friend...not a set up for sure!
• Is he looking up...for the satellite?  
• Oh its a drone, my bad
• SLEEPER!  Wrestling reference #2
• Wow, you can break a neck much easier then I would have expected
• Doesn't suspect anything?  Really?
• Why did dad go with them if he was so worried?
• How did Lange NOT see a guy sitting up right as he stepped past him
• Why ignore the other two guns for a handgun?  That you've already shot probably half the ammo out of
• Awesome, kill the kids...oh wait they'll get their phones out instead.  Sadly that is exactly how kids would act.  Not call for help, video tape it
• Through the scope I hope!
• Why would he trust ANYONE at this point?  
• Yep, its Fallout, he has a sniper rifle AND goggles
• Okay the goggles & dune buggy is closer to Mad Max
• Wait, that person had a sock monkey stocking cap...IN THE DESERT?
• A lot of jumping over things in this flick
• Wait...Eric Roberts isn't a bad guy?  Really?  Don't trust me at all
• They didn't hear the cop coming?
• How did Travis find them?
• FINALLY!  Why hadn't they thought of that before?  Kill the drone and they have no idea where you are
• Cooper has a nice beard.  I could have done that role, my beard is better.  Just saying!
• Awful dark for before 5pm
• Isn't Travis still out there?
• Wait...the map lead them TO the gambling HQ?
• Ah yes, there is Travis.  Who will he side with though?
• Yeah figured
• How are there no cops or military yet?
• Really?  A knife fight?  Just shoot him Will
• I guess they're doing the knife fight thing to make it different
• So people actually think Raul can kill Will?  Really?
• Was that EMT laying down on the gurney while helping that guy?

First off, Wow!  Steven Michael Quezada was much better on Breaking Bad.  He is REALLY over the top here, like silly over the top.  80's action villains weren't this over the top.  Although he is a little like the leader guy in Warriors.  

The concept of the flick is interesting.  The use of drones and people using cellphones is an interesting commentary on society.  

The concept of these "rich" people gambling on this underground event makes little sense.  The first flick made sense as it was just the general public, kind of like Death Race.  But this, underground death game makes little sense but who knows maybe I'm wrong.

The acting ranged from okay to bad.  As I mentioned to start off with Quezada was HORRIBLE in this flick.  When I saw Eric Roberts was in this I assumed he'd be the bad guy.  Roberts was good as was Orton surprisingly enough.  He has the look and is decent enough actor that he could be one of those B action star I think.  He's nothing special but then again neither was Van Dam or Steven Seagal.  

The rest of the cast did a decent job.  No one stood out good or bad.  Visually it was decent.  The explosions were over the top like an action movie should be.  

Overall it wasn't bad for what it was.  I give it a 5/10.  Average.  I probably won't watch it again but if I was home and it came on TV I wouldn't turn it off either.  

There you go a new blog.  I'll try to done one or two a week till The Walking Dead returns.  If you have a flick you want me to review let me know in the comments.  As always, until next time...Abyssinia!