Did anyone get the plates of that bus?

I am a good person. Hmmm, well an okay person. Despite what I say I always try to treat people the way I want to be treated. I have based my management style on this as well.

I don't like to be micromanaged so I don't do it despite everyone telling me that it is what I need to do. I don't like to be yelled and screamed at so I don't do it despite being told it is what is needed. I HATE when my managers are just looking for every little thing to get me with but that is what must be done sometimes.

I also hate when people throw people under the bus as it were. I hate when people do end runs around other people. If I have a problem with Paul, who is another manager, I don't go around and run to the boss. Even worse I don't run around both Paul and his supervisor, lets say Thea, and go to Thea's boss and someone even higher then that when they are visiting. I go to Paul and we talk. Maybe he didn't know he had done something he wasn't suppose to. MAYBE he did what upset me for a reason I don't understand. MAYBE, despite having not so great hair and a big goatee and always saying he doesn't give a shit, actually thought long and hard on something before doing it or not doing something. But of course I wouldn't know that because I didn't talk to Paul. I assume he is a fuck up and so is his boss so I'll just go above them.

Short and sweet, I do very few things in my life without thinking long and hard on it. I'm not saying I am right most of the time, fuck I am rarely right if ever, but I almost always think about it. I rarely sleep well because I think about things.

My mind often works kinda like a choice table. I try to figure out every possible outcome and then pick the best of it, or what I think the best outcome is.

For someone, a peer, to do this is sickening. What I don't understand is that it isn't like I've given anyone a reason to do this. People who haven't seen me for a long time or really talked to me for a long time, I've changed a lot in the last ten years. Ask the people who have been around me throughout that time. I have been through a lot and I've changed.

I finally actually loved someone and lost her due to my own stupidity. I've nearly committed suicide. I've been through more bouts of depression then I care to admit or know. I had the job I've wanted and lost said job. I left Michigan on a dream, found that dream, and found that sometimes dreams are nightmares you just don't know it until its too late. I've learned that despite being a bitter husk of a human acting that way is worthless. I've learned to actually feel emotions even though now I wish I didn't because life was easier without these fucking things.

What I'm saying is that I have grown more in the last ten years then I did in the twenty before that. I would not do an end run around someone. I wouldn't throw someone under the bus. If I make a mistake I'll tell you why said mistake was made but not blame someone else unless it is someone's fault other then mine, however at the end of the day as a manager it is all my fault.

The bottom line is that I was made to look incompetent in front of my superiors without atleast being able to defend the supposed incompetence. As I asked on twitter and facebook:

does anyone know how to get tired tracks off one's back after being thrown under said bus?