Movie remakes and pre/sequels

As many of you know I am sort of a movie buff. I will watch almost any movie. Almost. Things like Titanic, the Stephanie Meyers Twilight series are among the movies that I won't EVER see. NEVER! Anyway I have been messing around on IMDB, one of the coolest websites ever, and I have found a few movies being remade or getting sequels that probably didn't need it.

Flowers for Algernon. It didn't deserve the FIRST movie let alone a remake starring Will Smith. I don't think I need to really say anything else. But you'll notice ALOT of Will Smith movies on this list.

ID4 2 and 3. Yes Independence day is getting not just one but two sequels. Now let me say I actually like the first movie. I'm probably in the minority but like the film. Its a good stupid summer movie. It has Adam Baldwin who has become one of my favorite actors. Also I'm slightly ashamed to admit it but I am a sucker for Bill Pullman's speech.

I am Legend prequel. Really? Unless it has more of his, Will Smith's characters, wife (she is one of the stars of SyFy's Eureka) I don't care. Salli Richardson-Whitfield is beautiful and such a good actress. Anyway the movie was so bad I don't care about what happened before...wait a prequel would mean before the vampires right? I'm confused...or maybe after the evacuation but before this movie....my head hurts now.

Austin Powers 4. The first one made me laugh. The second one was ok. The third one was HORRIBLE. Mike Myers is just horrible. He has completely lost it and I say that as someone who saw the Love Guru (don't ask, it is one of the biggest mistakes I made in a long time).

Mortal Combat. I know nothing about it other than its about 20 years too late. The first one was bad.

Another Pirate of the Caribbean movie. Good grief its based on a damn disney ride. I turned the first one off it was so bad. I sat through the second only because I went with people. I would rather be shot with a stun gun in the ball than watch another one of these things.

Transformer 3. Yes we all knew it was coming. 3 years ago I was excited as I hadn't been raped by Michael Bay yet. Honestly if it wasn't for the comic series and the possible upcoming video game I might have lost all faith in the universe that I've loved for over 25 years. My only hope is that maybe Bay will put some comedy in this one. Maybe have a few dogs humping or have a transformer with giant balls. Sarcasm people, those things destroyed my soul!

A Nightmare on Elm Street. I kinda like the original series. However with Robert Englund out there not to have him in the movie is just wrong. He IS Freddy and casting the guy from Watchmen as him is just wrong.

Sex in the City 2. I don't think I need to say anything else do I?

Step Up...in 3D. Again do I need to say anything else?

I will end this with Paranormal Activity 2. I loved the first one. I think it was one of the best movies I saw last year. I saw it three times in the theater. I think the premise of the film was great. I liked everything about the movie but I don't want to see a second one. Don't ruin it for money. Leave it be. If the people involved wanted to make another movie do it but leave what you made alone.

Ok I'm done. But I did come up with a movie that needs remade. Jurassic Park. Why? Because T-Rex is now a pussy and they need to make the movie to reflect this. Make the T-Rex all scavengery (is that a word?). Instead of him attacking the car it can sit in the bushes watching waiting for a real dinosaur to attack it so it can pick the bones of the car. Then at the end instead of saving Grant and company it can wait for the raptors to kill them and then come in and grab the bones like Ace does a bone when I give it him. But then again they have probably made Raptors into herbivores that had feathers and were actually the size of one of those rat dogs that bimbos carry around in their purses. Sorry I am watching the movie now and the idea of a scavenger T-Rex still pisses me off.

Well that is enough rambling. I'm off to finish watching more rifftrax until next time....

Abyssinia!

assholes

So after feeling like crap for nearly a week I am feeling okay today so I did a few jobs I had been putting off. The big thing with it being pay day was paying bill (which sucks). The other thing was laundry which is as bad as bills. Luckily the apartment complex here in Twin has a decent laundry room and is cheaper than any laundromat. However this task did remind me why I hate most people.

The laundry room only has 4 washes...8 dryers but 4 washes...and one was broken. For those of you out there that are math challenged that leaves 3 washers. I haven't done my laundry for a while due to my mass laziness so I have quite a bit. I think I'll use two washers as one has a laundry in it. Nope that isn't going to happen as the person used both. No big deal except the laundry was done when I walked in. No big deal. It'll take me twice as long to do mine but whatever. So I throw my laundry in, see that it'll be 28 minutes and walk out. I get home and set the alarm on my phone for 23 minutes (making sure that I get back as if not before the washer stops). I get back and guess what...the asshole that is taking up 2/3 of the working washers still hasn't gone back and moved stuff to the dryer. I move mine over and put my second load in. Rinse and repeat another 28 minutes. I go back and the other person's laundry is STILL in their washers. I move my second load over to the dryers and set my alarm for 40 minutes this time. I'm not sure how long the dryers timers are. I go back and mind you it has been roughly two hours time and the asshole taking up the washers STILL has their shit in the washer.

Maybe this shows that I am not the asshole that I always think that I am. I honestly thought about throwing this person's laundry on the floor and leaving a note that said fuck you but then this person would just use the washers even longer.

I am not a person who is looking to make the world better. 95% of the time I believe that we need to wipe humankind off the face of the earth and start over. Hell I want to be the guy who pushes the button or I want to ride the bomb down. I don't even try to hide my unadulterated hatred for 99% of the people I see. However maybe this world would be a little better if we pulled our collective heads out of our asses and thought about to treat people. If we treated people how we wanted to be treated maybe this hell hole wouldn't be quite as bad.

So to the assholes all around the world taking up the washers I've got two words for ya....

I have....returned!

Boy its been a while since the Fat Man has blogged hasn't it? But don't you worry I am back and I have even more venom to spew out. Boy the world has changed a lot since we last talked. We have a new president (I didn't vote and probably wouldn't have voted for Gilligan...or maybe Ginger) so people say I can't complain. Ummm, WRONG! I believe its my right to complain and even encouraged by a few people. There are two reason why I am allowed...well three. First off, I am funny when I do it. You all know its true. I am funny when I go off on some bat shit rant about god knows what which means little and by the end I am screaming, my hair is going wild and you'd think I was channeling Ric Flair and getting ready to rip off my jacket and elbow drop the group. Entertaining. Also, most of the time, my ranting and raving isn't done just for the sake of. Its the release valve that I have and it is usually done to make a point without slapping you in the face with it. Last but not least its every American's right to whine bitch moan and complain. That's what makes this country great. But enough I actually have a question.

Lets say you are given a chance to take a new pill. This pill will make you forget EVERYTHING that has ever happened in your life. You will be completely reprogrammed. There is of course a catch. You can only take the pill once and you can never go back. You can go from the young hopper on the corner to being the next President of the United States. Or you could go from being a hopper on the street to...a hopper on the street. What would you do dude?

Me? I would take the pill. My life is fucked up and everyone knows it. I'm not saying its horrible and it couldn't be a whole lot worse but I would take the pill. Just like if Morpheus came and offered me the blue pill (that's the one that gets me out right?) I would take it. Go with the thought it can't get any worse and roll them bones baby!

Hell we will even take this a step further and let you remember your old life. This could lead to some awesome interactions with people. Very Jason Bourne I believe (I never saw the movies but I should, Julie Stiles is in one and she is pretty).

I am sure many of you know I am managing a cafe in Twin Falls Idaho. Its like if Charlotte Michigan suddenly became important and become a real town. Red necks galore. There are days I walk out of my job wondering what have I done? I had a good thing in Sugarhouse with good people and better friends. Here...not so much. But its a job. I am not here to make friends I am here to do a damn good job and move onward and upward.

I want to leave you with this quote for the day:

Only enemies speak the truth; friends and lovers lie endlessly, caught in the web of duty. -Roland from "The Last Gunslinger"